Talking poly with monos, cue eye roll

P

pwr2theladies

Member
Haha. Happy holidays to you all.

Why the title? Well, it's simple. Sometimes I just want to roll my eyes at some mono family and friends at some of thier responses.

When my wife was with another man with consent given, it still hurt. It was all about what was going on within me, though. But I was able to deep dive and talk with a wonderful poly friend who helped me love my authentic self. My wife and I continue to grow together and love each other even more.

A mono friend, out of concern, questioned my turnaround. "But you seemed really upset. You know you have options, right?" I was able to ease those concerns, but eye roll.

Flash forward. I had connected with a cool woman at a poly social, and this 2nd time, we connected more. She asked me out, yay. 1st time for me in my poly journey.

My sister has been supportive, but doesn't really care what I do. I told her I was excited that this finally happened. Her response "Ok, but be careful. This can lead to divorce because they like that person better." I know she just cares about me. I was again able to ease those concerns and confidently say how madly in love my wife and I are. Eye roll.

It's just frustrating, because these comments don't help me. Kinda raining on my parade with all the inner work I have done. The person so far most excited for me is my wife. Shocked and excited saying, "Oh, she asked you out!!" with a big smile on her face. She was very happy for me.

I can't wait to talk to my poly friend who helped me. I am just telling y'all this just to engage with the community. What do you all go through with stuff like this?
 
I don't talk poly with anyone who doesn't get it. It's not worth the hassle if people can't be happy for me or support me in being poly.
 
Hi pwr2,

My V avoids the headaches monogamists can cause by simply not telling them we're poly. Personally I wouldn't mind shouting it from the rooftops, and to Hell with any friends/family who don't like it. But that's me, whereas my two poly companions are afraid their families will disown them, and that they will lose their jobs. I can respect their concerns, even if I don't share those concerns.

Polyamory is poorly understood in this day and age, people don't understand poly and they don't trust it. It would be different if they would ask questions and make a point to learn, but if they won't do that, it's not my problem. I am a proponent of polyamory, and I don't need anyone's approval for me to be a proponent. I imagine it's harder when you have had some internal struggles about accepting poly. You need people's support, not their condemnation.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi pwr2,

My V avoids the headaches monogamists can cause by simply not telling them we're poly. Personally I wouldn't mind shouting it from the rooftops, and to Hell with any friends/family who don't like it. But that's me, whereas my two poly companions are afraid their families will disown them, and that they will lose their jobs. I can respect their concerns, even if I don't share those concerns.

Polyamory is poorly understood in this day and age, people don't understand poly and they don't trust it. It would be different if they would ask questions and make a point to learn, but if they won't do that, it's not my problem. I am a proponent of polyamory, and I don't need anyone's approval for me to be a proponent. I imagine it's harder when you have had some internal struggles about accepting poly. You need people's support, not their condemnation.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...
Thanks, Kevin. I am not actually having any problems. Things have just been really good, and I want to celebrate. I will gather with a couple of poly friends who are really going to be happy for me.

Getting into my very first poly relationship outside of my original marriage is exciting, and I can tell the woman is really cool.

I am grateful to also have an awesome wife who is happy and excited for me. It was also really great to have my body complimented by my new interested person, especially because I never used to think I was worthy of compliments.
 
That's awesome, you know that poly is a good thing in your life.
 
Well, I am currently posting here while avoiding my family... who I am hosting in my own house. lol

I never discuss poly dating with my family, but I'm not avoiding them for poly reasons. I am just too tired to talk to anyone. I guess I gotta get back to them.

Anyway, just chiming in to say I hear you. I gave up trying to chat about poly issues, even good news things, with mono friends and family a long time ago. They just find it incomprehensible.

They do know that monogamy leads to divorce too, right? LOL
 
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