That Was Fast

C

Cardinal

New member
Well, I've had an interesting week. Surprisingly everything had been going really well with our triad. We went to bed a couple nights ago and our girlfriend went 100% radio silent and cold turkey. We initially were very worried because in all the years we have known each other she's never gone a day without talking to us especially me since I've known her since high school. We had a really sweet conversation about traveling and the places we'd like to visit, said goodnight, and that was it.

It was like someone flipped a switch. I've been cold turkeyed a couple times before in life to devastating effect so am closely guarded against that kind of thing, my spouse didn't take it so well though. We got a breakup text this morning that was pretty vague, her only stated reason being that some guy propositioned her and the fact she consented to elevating our relationship didn't so much as register in that moment.

My spouse and I are mostly likely going to continue as open poly. It was perfect and then instantly gone. A bizarre outcome in my opinion.
 
Hi Cardinal,
welcome to the forum. It is advisable to provide context if you are starting a new thread, or link a previous post, otherwise people have a hard time following.

Also, the Poly relationship corner is usually dedicated to advice. Would you like some input on your situation? I am not sure from your post if you have any questions to ask.

You might also to consider starting a blog in the blog section. You may put regular (or irregular) updates there, and I get the feeling that most regular visitors here read that section too. It's considered a more private area so you don't get advice unless you specifically ask for it, but there is also a lot of advice and discussion going on in some blogs if the owner makes clear that input is welcome.
 
Hi Cardinal,

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend breaking up with you. And sorry she didn't explain why she decided to do that; makes it so you can't get closure. I guess it's possible she just fell suddenly/wildly in love with the guy who propositioned her, but not likely. I have my doubts about whether that guy even exists. Anyway, sorry that happened.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I apologize for the location and context. My introduction was recent and has initial details. We just got into polyamory. Being that our triad evolved on it's own we don't really want to go out and "unicorn hunt" I guess is the term.

My wife is bisexual, I am not. The current consensus is she can continue as open poly specifically with women. We are satisfied with the straight part of the relationship and are a nearly perfect match in most other ways. It's not that I have a problem with open poly, I simply have a pretty huge internal focus on improving myself and my life right now. I told her that if she explores this side of her sexuality and determines she has needs that aren't specific to our relationship then we will open it completely down the line, all genders and sexualities for both of us. She seems to accept this as fair. We agreed that in life you connect with people and we didn't want to miss connections. My wife is my life partner if nothing else and she said she feels the same.

Would anyone consider this unfair and for what reasons?
 
I like that you have limited to women only temporarily. I see a lot of posts on here and elsewhere from women who agreed to poly with a gender-limit then find themselves falling for someone who doesn't fit that category. It usually ends poorly or at least with a lot of angst in the interim. Knowing you plan to be open to all in the future is a great first step. Working on yourself to become more secure/ready is fantastic, too.

Be prepared to struggle. It's hard watching your loved one date while you're not. Make time for friends, your solo hobbies, etc.
 
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