The couple I am polyamorous with want to have a baby

[Inyourendo]

Did you agree that the 3 of you would have a baby, or did they as a couple make this decision without your input?

If they did, I would be concerned about your place in the family.

 

[Magdlyn]

But see, our relationship is different.

Different than what? Because she's not into sex, you mean? So, she's fine that you and her husband have lots of sex and she doesn't need to?

Last time I checked, making a baby takes lots of fucking. I think on average it takes 6 months to get knocked up. Therefore she and her husband will be wanting to have frequent sex around her ovulations. But it varies, of course. It could take one shag, or it could take a year. Or they might have infertility and need three years of grueling medical interventions. You never know.

I enjoy helping her around the house. I enjoy taking care of her and making her feel beautiful. And our relationship is not about sex at all. Sex is extremely rare, as she already has a very low libido. She's already brought up how she'll be fat and we won't want her, and she knows that she is beautiful to me, no matter what.

Well, okay. If you love doing their housework, you might as well move in, so you don't have to do your own housework plus theirs when you're there.

So, let's say she gets pregnant easily, and the pregnancy is healthy. The baby arrives. What is your role? Housekeeper? Second mom? Auntie? Big sister? Frequent babysitter?

What if you catch baby fever to a painful extent when your gf is pregnant? What will you do? Never mind with "their kid, their house." It will be your house, your housework, your lovers. But, they deny you the honor of carrying your own bf's child. Hmm...

We had one member here who did get pregnant by her bf, but since he and his wife weren't "out" to their family or anyone, she was told the world would be told the wife was the bio mom of the baby, and would be called Mom, and the actual bio mom would be given the title of "mother" in Hebrew. Stealthy!

 

[Natja]

We had one member here who did get pregnant by her bf, but since he and his wife weren't "out" to their family or anyone, she was told the world would be told the wife was the bio mom of the baby, and would be called Mom, and the actual bio mom would be given the title of "mother" in Hebrew. Stealthy!

Forgive me if I missed something, but in that case wasn't, it just at the 'talking' stage, and that is what she was told (not asked, I hasten to add, told is the correct word) would happen once she had the baby?

Wasn't it also the case that she was doing all the housework in the house and didn't even have a car to use?

 

[Norwegianpoly]

I don't know anything more about your relationship then you are revealing here, but it seems to me that:
- You should voice your wish to move in with them. (Since they already asked you not that long time ago, what is keeping you?) And order a moving van once they confirm that they do, indeed, still want you there.
- You should voice your wish to take part in the child's future, and also be specific about how you want that to happen, and ask for their visions of the future.
- You may reveal that you desire to be reassured that you are (going to become) an equal partner in any decision-making that is going to take place. Do you want an engagement ring? A ceremony? Love poems?
- All the practical details, from who will pay the bills, to who will do the housework, to who will stay up at night when the baby cries, will need to be addressed.