the others divorce/help

Lexiejoy

New member
I was asked into a poly relationship with a married couple of 7 years and should have known better then to just jump in and not wait and see their relationship, foolish of me. for a few months it was fine i loved the guy but could tell the girl was one to turn her back really quick and talk about you while there but through that she involved me on everything. buying a new house, helping raise their 9 month old, and even pushing me and the guy to get our relationship better, and probably to fast. but she ran to jealousy very very fast and completely stabbed me in the back. i still loved the guy but told him i could not do it anymore, then he told me everything, multiple marriage counseling, wanting a divorce before and other things. he made the choice to demand a divorce after the final straw of chasing me away. I still love him and he still loves me and we decided to keep seeing each other.
:( Am i the bad guy here? i kinda feel like the other woman now that stole a husband; and how do i give him advice without sounding totally biased....cause i am. divorce sucks but i also want to keep him:( any advice?
 
"Poly" is sometimes used as a cover story to "I want to leave the relationship but am afraid to be alone". It's not your fault.

Your job is to decide if you want this man, and if you want to support him through his divorce, or if you want to be out of the drama.

As for giving advice, I agree you're not in a place to give any. It may be better to just stick with stating what you want out of the situation.
 
:( Am i the bad guy here? i kinda feel like the other woman now that stole a husband; and how do i give him advice without sounding totally biased....cause i am. divorce sucks but i also want to keep him:( any advice?

No, you are not the bad guy here. It was a scenario of "relationship broken; add more people." As you can see, that doesn't work.

You don't necessarily need to give up your boyfriend, but I would definitely stay OUT of the drama.
 
Hello Lexiejoy,

It sounds like you have gone over some rough ground. I don't think the divorce was your fault, it was probably going to happen eventually anyway. Right now it's kind of a sensitive situation as he is just now going through the divorce. Try to be there for him if and when he needs you, but refrain from giving him advice unless he specifically asks you for it.

Good luck, and hang in there,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I am in a similar situation now, where after leaving a triad I realized I was added at a horrible time and was the 'bandaid' relationship meant to try and fix their failing marriage. The soon-to-be-ex wife was verbally and mentally abusive to her husband and I, and while asking for space, pushed the two of us closer together, much to her dismay. I'm taking it one step at a time and keeping a distance (especially from her) why they navigate their divorce.
 
SW and I were in a poly with Ewe and her husband. He emotionally trashed SW and she nutted it. He emotionally trashed Ewe. SW and I supported her. I stood by her. He encouraged Ewe and I to stick it out. Ewe offered to go to counseling. They divorced. For her, looking back, she should have done it a long time ago. It saddens me that SW was a target of his toxicity.
 
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