Totally new and new to this lifestyle as well!

[missb1129]

Hey there! The name is Miss B! I'm a 27 year old female in a long term mono relationship. He is 32 yearsold and we met online! He's my best friend but we have had some rough patches in our relationship.

I'm a pretty spiritual person. I believe in my intuition and I love learning about new spiritual concepts and ideas.

I have a cat named Lola who is also my best friend.

As of now, my boyfriend and I are in a very confusing state. We were engaged but just ended it. I've moved out as well. However, we have still talked and he admitted that his frustration and moody attitudes were based that he wanted an open relationship. He's defined that he wants other sexual partners and not anything long term. Since we do love each other so much and see each other as life partners, I am wondering how we can establish this and make it work.

We have tried swinging clubs but we never felt comfortable. I like the idea of me meeting people on my own terms and so does he. we tried meeting online for threesomes but no one was ever "real". But he addressed to me that being completely monogamous is not for him.

I feel afraid that he would leave me for someone better. He has assured me that it doesn't change his feelings for me. But where can we start even though I've
Moved out? Or should I just not even bother? We really do love each other so much.


Thanks!

 

[Spork]

I honestly think that you might not be wired for poly, that you should be far more secure with your primary relationship before you try to do that, and that this looks like a situation of "I'm willing to try and tolerate whatever partner needs rather than possibly lose them entirely." Which I often see not really working out well.

Also, just having casual outside sex...is often not thought to really be polyamory. Poly is typically where partners are seeking multiple loving relationships. Just wanting to have sex with others is closer to swinging, which falls under the "ethical non-monogamy" umbrella but not quite the same as, say, you getting another partner and/or him getting another partner, etc.

Seeking a "third" (a woman to join both of you) is typically referred to as "unicorn hunting" because it's rare for a "hot bi babe" to actually want this arrangement especially when sought in such an impersonal venue as online. Add to that the fact that you're not looking for a unicorn to join you in friendship and love and relating, but just as a living breathing sex dispenser...and very few women are going to go for this.

I'm not saying it's impossible. But I'm saying it won't be easy to find.

Do you like being treated as a sex toy? Why would another woman? Put yourself in her shoes.

But again, I am not sure that you feel (or SHOULD feel, with this particular partner) secure enough for all of this to work out well for you...

I'm sorry. Good luck. I hope that the two of you can find a way to happiness, together or not.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Miss B,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I had a look at your other thread and responded briefly there. I think the thing to do for now is to take things slowly and learn as much as you can about open and poly. We're here to help and to answer any of your questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!