Hi guys, I've been a primary-type relationship with my partner, Karen, for a few years now. While we've certainly had a lot to work through, I've generally experienced many things that I've wanted to as far as dating others and haven't felt too restricted by our model of relationship. However, lately I've been feeling very clear about wanting more space between her and I, particularly living space (we've lived together almost as long as we've been together), and the amount of restriction I feel by being in a couple has become somewhat overwhelming. Further, I just don't feel connected to any relationship model that seeks to prioritize one person over another anymore. I want my relationships to flow freely and feel more like my friendships do, with less pressure and expectations that they become something like marriage or family, or that we spend more time together than anyone else in our lives.
My question revolves around transitioning more towards this kind of relating. I would like to hear what kind of models people have for practicing solo polyamory or maintaining partnerships where that kind of freedom and independence is felt.
My main issue is that I don't want to seek permission and create power dynamics in my relationships; I want to date as I see fit and inform my partner(s) along the way so they can continue to consent to the relationship. For me, informing my partner about new sexual partners is important because it is about physical health; informing them about my schedule as far as dating is important so that they can know when they can spend time with me. Aside from that, I really feel that the rest should be optional sharing, and I might not want to share every detail in my romantic/emotional connections with those I date.
Another concern I have is living with Karen. Can I be solo poly and still live with somebody? She has a place she can go if I want the house to myself, but I also feel bad because this is her home, too. When I've suggested that one or two nights a week she spend time at her other place, she has reacted in a way that wasn't supportive of the space I need and instead has focused on how I'm trying to "kick her out." I enjoy living with her, but I can't imagine having that interaction again and again every time I want my own space for a while. She says she wants to work on her reactions, but I am in self-protection mode right now because her reactions have hurt me quite a lot in the past and very recently. Maybe I just need to be firm about wanting to live by myself?
Thanks as always for all of your insight.
Much Love,
Open
My question revolves around transitioning more towards this kind of relating. I would like to hear what kind of models people have for practicing solo polyamory or maintaining partnerships where that kind of freedom and independence is felt.
My main issue is that I don't want to seek permission and create power dynamics in my relationships; I want to date as I see fit and inform my partner(s) along the way so they can continue to consent to the relationship. For me, informing my partner about new sexual partners is important because it is about physical health; informing them about my schedule as far as dating is important so that they can know when they can spend time with me. Aside from that, I really feel that the rest should be optional sharing, and I might not want to share every detail in my romantic/emotional connections with those I date.
Another concern I have is living with Karen. Can I be solo poly and still live with somebody? She has a place she can go if I want the house to myself, but I also feel bad because this is her home, too. When I've suggested that one or two nights a week she spend time at her other place, she has reacted in a way that wasn't supportive of the space I need and instead has focused on how I'm trying to "kick her out." I enjoy living with her, but I can't imagine having that interaction again and again every time I want my own space for a while. She says she wants to work on her reactions, but I am in self-protection mode right now because her reactions have hurt me quite a lot in the past and very recently. Maybe I just need to be firm about wanting to live by myself?
Thanks as always for all of your insight.
Much Love,
Open