Triad saying hello

J

JnVegas

New member
Just wanted to say hello to the community . I will not speak for my loves "KnVegas" and "DnChicago" (though I know they agree) but I am SO glad to of found this forum. It is going to be nice to talk with others who share a similar interest. A bit about us. Myself and my wife have been married for almost 14 years and have three kids. We have NEVER been looking for love outside of our relationship, but recently have both fallen in love with our life mate. My wife and her grew up together, but never had a romantic interest in each other. She came to visit with us for a week and it ended up turnin into a month. During this time we all truly fell in love with each other . It is not about Sex (though the some people probably would refuse to accept or believe) , but truly about love and caring for each other. The hard part is this... first and foremost until our love finishes her doctorate , she must continue to live in Chicago . Being so far away from each other is the ultimate test of our love. The worst part of it though is having to keep our relationship a secret . We are all three professionals and this triad would be frowned upon in my career. Frowned upon to the point where it would literally affect my work. Say what you may about EEOC or whatever , but truth is I can not come out in the open about this relationship . Funny thing is, if I were gay, that'd be easier to come out because it's exceptable. It's also EXTREMELY hard on all of us because our three children LOVE and Adore D, but I'm afraid of how my 11 year old son would react to Dad loving another woman other than mom and how he would react to mom loving another woman . That being said, we are glad to have found this site and look forward to being able to talk with others who won't judge us.

On a side note: we recently found the Showtime series that aired called a Polyamory. It's a really good show for us because it shows us there are others out there like us (just as this forum does). Our question is this though ... Polyamory seems to be all about open love , etc. We are LITERALLY only about us 3. A monogamous Triad. Are there more on here like us in the same boat ?
 
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Couldn't have said it better My Love. I second the question and interest in knowing how others have handled coming out to their children and families. I am deeply in love with J and K, as well as their....now our... children. And one of my biggest concerns is making sure we handle coming out to them in a way that makes their emotional needs the highest priority. Looking forward to being part of a community that is supportive and loving.
 
Beautifully said my loves. I am too interested in hearing how polyamorous triads like us, are able to explain it to their children. In our case, we have a 20 year old, 17 year old and 11 year old. They all adore D and already consider her a part of our family. Just explaining the romantic side of things and the idea of their parents loving someone else. But them knowing that we are getting the love in return. I look forward to being a part of this community as well and hope to meet some great new people.
 
Greetings JnVegas, DnChicago, and KnVegas,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Long-distance relationships are hard, I only hope Dn doesn't have too much longer to go on her doctorate. And I totally get why you have to be in the closet about being poly. I myself, and my two companions, are also in the closet for the most part. Concerns about employment are one of the reasons. As for telling your kids, I guess I would say something like, "Kids, Mom and Dad want to let you know that both of us are in love with D. This doesn't change anything for you guys, you're still our kids and we love you." You can adjust that phrasing according to what you think would work best. Also be ready to answer any questions your kids may have.

I think the word you're looking for as far as just being about the three of you, is, a closed triad. If you were dating outside the three of you, that would be an open triad. As it happens I am in a closed V myself. Or you could say polyfidelitous (or poly-fi) in place of closed. Your call.

Glad to have you here and I hope your stay on Polyamory.com will be enjoyable.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hi Jn, Dn, and Kn - welcome to the Forum - and congrats on your happy triad!

Say what you may about EEOC or whatever
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Regrettably, caution is in order in many poly situations. Poly is not a protected class (like sexual orientation and identification are now) - and in could hurt your career in various ways with no real recourse. Same deal with the kids - caution is advised. In reading about poly here and in the half dozen books that I have read so far on the subject, there is a real concern about CPS involvement and unfriendly judges in poly situations. We have had at least a couple of good discussions on the subject of "telling the kids" just in the seven months I've been hanging around - and, in addition to possible legal issues, there is a concern about coming out to the kids and then expecting them to keep it a secret (or face possible legal or social issues) - just not really fair to ask them to keep it a secret, and unrealistic to expect that they will. Of course, others felt differently - and did believe complete candor was the best policy (in spite of the risks involved).

I will look forward to your future posts as your triad evolves. Best of luck on your poly journey! Al
 
Welcome to all three of you,

It sounds like an awesome time and I hope you really enjoy it. Without meaning to burst the bubble, triads can have challenging times. Maybe forewarned is forarmed? I recommend the search function to see what kind of issues other triads have come up against.

When I first started looking into polyamory, I really did enjoy the showtime series 'polyamory: married and dating'. Both season 1 and 2, actually. You might find the book "more than two" to be useful as well.

Best wishes on your polyamorous journeys,
Shaya.
 
Thank you all for the warm welcome and advice. We are all still having long conversations about all of these subjects and do not plan to jump into anything drastic. I think one good thing is that our kids are 20, almost 21, 17, almost 18, and our youngest is 11. So obviously our 11 year old would be the main concern. The long distance is really hard on us but in a way, is making it a little easier to transition D into our lives. For now, we have quite a few trips planned for her to come out and visit us. The kids look forward to seeing her. Luckily we are all mature (40's) so we aren't entering this as 20 year old kids. We are responsible adults all with awesome careers. And CPS isn't an issue here 😀
 
Welcome, stormybrunette.
 
Hi stormy, I encourage you to start your own intro thread; use this link: Introductions (start new thread)

Then, explore Poly Relationships Corner and General Poly Discussions, our main and most active boards. You can start your own thread/s there too if you want. Just look for the "New Thread" button near the top left-hand corner of the board window. Or if you want I can provide you with direct links for starting new threads, let me know if that would help.

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hi Stormy - and welcome to the Forum! As Kevin suggested, why don't you start your own intro thread in the "Introductions" section and tell us a little about yourself. Best of luck on your journey! Al
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi stormy, I encourage you to start your own intro thread; use this link: Introductions (start new thread)

Then, explore Poly Relationships Corner and General Poly Discussions, our main and most active boards. You can start your own thread/s there too if you want. Just look for the "New Thread" button near the top left-hand corner of the board window. Or if you want I can provide you with direct links for starting new threads, let me know if that would help.

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...

Al99 said:
Hi Stormy - and welcome to the Forum! As Kevin suggested, why don't you start your own intro thread in the "Introductions" section and tell us a little about yourself. Best of luck on your journey! Al
Click to expand...


Thank you both :)
 
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