ladyintricate
New member
Hello poly people! It has been a long time since I have posted on here and my relationships have changed quite a bit. I could use some advice. I feel completely un-grounded at the moment and don't know where else to turn.
So, I have been married to my husband for about 16 years now (we were married when both of us were 19-years-old). About 8 months ago I made the decision that I couldn't be married to him anymore because although I will always care about him, he has broken my trust too many times over the years due to lying, cheating, and being untrustworthy in multiple situations. We have two kids (16 and 6 years) and for the moment we still live together, but we are basically roommates raising our kids together.
So, my issue is with my poly relationships. I have been in a relationship with a MF couple who are married and just had a baby together, for about 3 years now. I care about them both very much and consider them, as well as their little baby to be family. However, every time I see them together with their baby I have deep mixed feelings. I feel joy for two people I very much care about, starting a new little family, but I also feel sadness and pain, at remembering how things were when my son was born and things between myself and my husband quickly fell apart. I do not want to be in any way a negative factor to their relationship and their family. I want them to be happy and to enjoy what they have.
I have been feeling a lot of anxiety and worry for the last 3 or 4 months about where I fit in and how I can be sure to not mess up what they have. With the birth of the baby, it seems like the fear of hurting them has tripled. I respect them as people and think they are very intelligent. I find that I cannot keep a cool head about me being in their lives any longer and last night I wrote them both a long email telling them that I love them, but I do not want to take away from their relationship in any way, even if it is just time. They are 10 years younger than I am and I fear that what they don't know will hurt them. Basically, that even though they do not think I am detrimental to their relationship, that I may be with time if our relationship continues.
As you can see, I am a ball of emotions and I am not sure any more if I am doing the right thing or not by breaking off my relationships with J and A, but I care about them so much that I don't want them to suffer what I went through, even if there is just a chance of that.
So, I have been married to my husband for about 16 years now (we were married when both of us were 19-years-old). About 8 months ago I made the decision that I couldn't be married to him anymore because although I will always care about him, he has broken my trust too many times over the years due to lying, cheating, and being untrustworthy in multiple situations. We have two kids (16 and 6 years) and for the moment we still live together, but we are basically roommates raising our kids together.
So, my issue is with my poly relationships. I have been in a relationship with a MF couple who are married and just had a baby together, for about 3 years now. I care about them both very much and consider them, as well as their little baby to be family. However, every time I see them together with their baby I have deep mixed feelings. I feel joy for two people I very much care about, starting a new little family, but I also feel sadness and pain, at remembering how things were when my son was born and things between myself and my husband quickly fell apart. I do not want to be in any way a negative factor to their relationship and their family. I want them to be happy and to enjoy what they have.
I have been feeling a lot of anxiety and worry for the last 3 or 4 months about where I fit in and how I can be sure to not mess up what they have. With the birth of the baby, it seems like the fear of hurting them has tripled. I respect them as people and think they are very intelligent. I find that I cannot keep a cool head about me being in their lives any longer and last night I wrote them both a long email telling them that I love them, but I do not want to take away from their relationship in any way, even if it is just time. They are 10 years younger than I am and I fear that what they don't know will hurt them. Basically, that even though they do not think I am detrimental to their relationship, that I may be with time if our relationship continues.
As you can see, I am a ball of emotions and I am not sure any more if I am doing the right thing or not by breaking off my relationships with J and A, but I care about them so much that I don't want them to suffer what I went through, even if there is just a chance of that.