Trying to process feelz

I agree, you should maintain your daughter's birthday surprise. I also don't agree with Sally meeting the kids, and NP meeting Sally's wife, when Sally is not willing to meet you. But I guess you could be relatively accommodating on that point, at least it doesn't hurt the kids.
 
I'm guessing that Sally's wife probably has some PITA rule about meeting people who are going to stay in her house while she is away. Who knows?

I agree with the others about NP. He needs to not use you as a crutch. Instead of saying he has to ask you, he should just say no, we have these plans. Nothing wrong with Sally making the suggestion or pleading her case though. It's only a problem if Sally makes a huge deal about it. But she asked and was denied. They do something else, problem solved. I'm not even sure that was something NP needed to share with you. It only created pointless drama.
 
I have no problem with parallel poly, what's weird here is that Sally is trying to have parallel poly on one hand, and kitchen table poly on the other hand. I guess that's not a problem as long as everyone consents to it. But it bothers Yalana, so that's a problem.
 
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