Hey all. This is my first time on this site, but it looks like a great environment and I'm excited to be a part of it.
I'm a pansexual female, married to a wonderful straight man. We are both poly and have been openly for pretty much the duration of our relationship. For the most part, this has amounted to little more than the occasional fling or brief attempt at dating. Honestly, it usually doesn't work out when the third party gets uncomfortable with the idea of the spouse - no matter how much either insists we are in agreement about it!
We recently moved and I began a new job, where I met a girl at my office. I was attracted immediately, but I tend to assume everyone is 1) straight and 2) monogamous so of course I did not pursue it, simply laughed a bit with my husband about my new crush. However, this has developed into something much deeper. It turns out she is bisexual AND poly, and attracted to me to boot. We are best friends now, spending hours together talking, texting, at work and outside. She is well aware of my feelings for her, and hers for me. The issue is her boyfriend.
They have been together for a few years and are an established couple living together. He is solidly monogamous, and very traditional. She participated openly in poly relationships before him, which he knows about, but he was insistent that he is uncomfortable with polyamory and would expect a full monogamous commitment from her. She agreed and they have been very happy, but she has confessed that our friendship and specifically my open relationship with my husband has made her question the decision.
I'm at a point where I'm not really sure how to proceed. It's so difficult for me to be casual and non-sexual around her. If her relationship were not as it is, we would absolutely be dating right now. As it is, I feel like we almost are. There has been no sex (almost no touching at all - it feels like crossing a line when we are already so close to the edges of her relationship) but we spend lots of time alone together, and our friendship is very much an emotional relationship.
I feel like even if I can't BE with her, our friendship is really important to me, and I certainly want to respect her and her bf's relationship and sexual decisions. But at the same time, I just don't know if I can keep on being around her without feeling miserable. My husband is, of course, super supportive of whatever we do, but I feel like just bringing it up is pressuring her and I don't want that. She oscillates between talking about wanting to return to a poly lifestyle (either by breaking up with her bf or some unlikely scenario where she talks him into it or at least being okay with it) and being so convinced that she can't let him go.
I don't feel like anyone's lying to anyone else really. I just feel like we're at an impasse. I don't know, it all sounds kind of crazy typed out. Thanks for reading this novel of a post. Any similar experiences or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
I'm a pansexual female, married to a wonderful straight man. We are both poly and have been openly for pretty much the duration of our relationship. For the most part, this has amounted to little more than the occasional fling or brief attempt at dating. Honestly, it usually doesn't work out when the third party gets uncomfortable with the idea of the spouse - no matter how much either insists we are in agreement about it!
We recently moved and I began a new job, where I met a girl at my office. I was attracted immediately, but I tend to assume everyone is 1) straight and 2) monogamous so of course I did not pursue it, simply laughed a bit with my husband about my new crush. However, this has developed into something much deeper. It turns out she is bisexual AND poly, and attracted to me to boot. We are best friends now, spending hours together talking, texting, at work and outside. She is well aware of my feelings for her, and hers for me. The issue is her boyfriend.
They have been together for a few years and are an established couple living together. He is solidly monogamous, and very traditional. She participated openly in poly relationships before him, which he knows about, but he was insistent that he is uncomfortable with polyamory and would expect a full monogamous commitment from her. She agreed and they have been very happy, but she has confessed that our friendship and specifically my open relationship with my husband has made her question the decision.
I'm at a point where I'm not really sure how to proceed. It's so difficult for me to be casual and non-sexual around her. If her relationship were not as it is, we would absolutely be dating right now. As it is, I feel like we almost are. There has been no sex (almost no touching at all - it feels like crossing a line when we are already so close to the edges of her relationship) but we spend lots of time alone together, and our friendship is very much an emotional relationship.
I feel like even if I can't BE with her, our friendship is really important to me, and I certainly want to respect her and her bf's relationship and sexual decisions. But at the same time, I just don't know if I can keep on being around her without feeling miserable. My husband is, of course, super supportive of whatever we do, but I feel like just bringing it up is pressuring her and I don't want that. She oscillates between talking about wanting to return to a poly lifestyle (either by breaking up with her bf or some unlikely scenario where she talks him into it or at least being okay with it) and being so convinced that she can't let him go.
I don't feel like anyone's lying to anyone else really. I just feel like we're at an impasse. I don't know, it all sounds kind of crazy typed out. Thanks for reading this novel of a post. Any similar experiences or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
