I've been in a triad for about a year. My female partner Banana and I split up this morning, over many problems,
really, but mainly incompatibility with problem solving style. That effectively splits the triad, too. And while I knew it would, I wasn't quite prepared for the effect it had on my relationship with my male triad partner, Apple. While we were together, he and I could be what I consider primaries: all rights to one person eventually accessible to all, including (important to me), the possibility of live-in partners. I know you *can* do this with more than one person, not in a triad, but I don't see Apple happy with it.
This rocks my sense of place. I has assumed *everybody* thought talking out problems was a good thing- apparently,
according to my psychologist friend, two problem avoiders can be very happy together, and it's a good match, and that's Apple and Banana. (A problem-talker and an avoider, not so much). So, now, What I thought was a strength turns out to be an incompatibility in both relationships
Plus, This morning, I had two primary relationships: the triad and Apple, and two secondary ones (Banana and another partner, Django). Now I have two secondary ones: Django and Apple. Or I think I do: Apple is devastated, and not ready to talk. But I cannot see any other outcome. And we talked enough before the breakup, knowing it was likely, to not be able to assume anything else possible.
Heartbroken. Especially as I still love Banana- I just love her too much to see her in pain from the mismatch, and love myself too much, too. And I really liked being primary partners with Apple. I know in a sense nothing has changed there- but knowing what I'm eventually seeking will not come from him does change things.
really, but mainly incompatibility with problem solving style. That effectively splits the triad, too. And while I knew it would, I wasn't quite prepared for the effect it had on my relationship with my male triad partner, Apple. While we were together, he and I could be what I consider primaries: all rights to one person eventually accessible to all, including (important to me), the possibility of live-in partners. I know you *can* do this with more than one person, not in a triad, but I don't see Apple happy with it.
This rocks my sense of place. I has assumed *everybody* thought talking out problems was a good thing- apparently,
according to my psychologist friend, two problem avoiders can be very happy together, and it's a good match, and that's Apple and Banana. (A problem-talker and an avoider, not so much). So, now, What I thought was a strength turns out to be an incompatibility in both relationships
Plus, This morning, I had two primary relationships: the triad and Apple, and two secondary ones (Banana and another partner, Django). Now I have two secondary ones: Django and Apple. Or I think I do: Apple is devastated, and not ready to talk. But I cannot see any other outcome. And we talked enough before the breakup, knowing it was likely, to not be able to assume anything else possible.
Heartbroken. Especially as I still love Banana- I just love her too much to see her in pain from the mismatch, and love myself too much, too. And I really liked being primary partners with Apple. I know in a sense nothing has changed there- but knowing what I'm eventually seeking will not come from him does change things.
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