US Poly Laws or, Where are all the poly friendly places?

I agree that while (as far as I can tell, every US state) has a law on the books about bigamy and or no ceremony, I do think that that would be a hard one to prove without copy's of invitations or records of it somewhere. As it can always be argued that pictures were doctored or photo shopped. And Maryland having a ridiculously lenient law on the books for infidelity actually IMO is only going to add fuel to the fire of it NOT being legaly a massive isue to have a ceremony. (Though that said I don't think having a destination ceremony would be a bad idea if for no other reason than that again adds to the deniability, should it ever become a legal issue, but also becouse seriously there are sooo many gorgeous or historic and just plane amazing places where one could have a ceremony ;) )

But that said I find this interesting as I too hope to have a ceremony with my second love if things stay as they are etc. And the laws hadn't really come to mind on that for me. (It did as far as children go but the idea that just by having a ceremony together (I'm the hinge in a poly fi. Vee with my two straight guys) we would be opening ourselves up to criminal prosecution.) So I would also like to thank you for bringing this to my attention. It's not really something that is in my even remotely near future but it's an important (in my mind anyway) thing to become aware of!
 
A ceremony that was made to look a *lot* like a traditional wedding would be the kind of thing that would really put you at risk. Although I know at least one person (in California) who did that and thus far has not been pursued by the cops. [shrug]

Utah, Arizona, maybe Texas and Colorado ... are the States I'd be particularly careful on with respect to ceremonies and a home life that "looks" like a polygamous marriage. Though even then they might not care as long as you don't belong to a polygamy-promoting church.

Who knows ...
 
All these old laws on the books - I wonder if they are even constitutional in light of all the changes in law and custom in recent years (other than polygamy, which is still clearly not legal)? I would think that if anyone were charged and convicted with cohabitation or violation of a law utilized to penalize consensual non-monogamy in such circumstances, a case could be made to appeal that all the way to the Supreme Court. Many other laws attempting to control the private sexual lives of consenting adults have been thrown out, so it seems likely these would be as well.
 
Maybe, but I know of a case from a year or two ago where a guy who belonged to a polygamous church purported to marry a second wife -- not in a legal way, just in a well-attended ceremony where the "bride" had a wedding dress. Then the "bride" moved in with the husband (and his original wife). The State of Utah considered that a "marriage-like arrangement" and while I don't remember the details, I seem to recall that the poly family fought the Law and the Law won.

Hopefully as time goes on that will increasingly change. But as of today, I would not consider it entirely safe to have any kind of "marriage-like arrangement" with anyone beyond a single spouse. The risk of running afoul of the Law is pretty much just one of the risks you accept when you become a polyamorist. (Or polygamist.)
 
That is good news. The legal system is complicated and convoluted, but a ruling like this will at least ease some of the pressure off of Utahn polyfolk. (And the "poly war" as a whole is likely to be fought in Utah before any other State.)
 
kdt26417 said:
Uh yeah, that would be quite a sight. :rolleyes:

Bluebird, you're all set in the kids department. I was going to mention child protective services too as I've heard mixed reviews about whether they'll yank your kids over polyamory. Most reviews say they won't unless you're also a hoarder or something.

I will say that I'm glad I live in Washington State rather than Utah.
Click to expand...

The anecdotes I've read indicate that it's really a mixed bag, and is subject to the moods and whims of the individuals in charge of your case.

There were a couple threads on Reddit from someone in New Zealand who seems to have barely missed having the children taken from the family, only because they had a family member in the system who could vouch for them:

Thread 1

Thread 2


There doesn't seem to be a rule of thumb one way or the other about whether or not CPS will find Poly a good thing or a bad thing (or a "who cares" thing), so tread carefully.
 
I honestly wonder just how much longer we realy can go before a poly couple ends up challenging the laws as unconstitutional. I mean honestly I for one can see a massive case for challenging it. Esp. If the case were to be a couple unlike most people perceive these things to be (eg. A MFM instead of the typically associated FMF or more F's (as in something that doesn't resemble Sister Wives?))
I know that it would be UGLY in the court of public opinion, but I do wonder how long it is before a couple or Poly group or poly family challenge the laws.
 
How long = awhile. Right now the country is engrossed in the fight for same-sex marriage. I can't see poly marriage issues heating up until LBGTQ rights are firmly established in all 50 States (and I'd like to see DOMA striken from the books, not just given a thumbs-down from the Supreme Court).

Removing DOMA from the books is actually one of the steps toward gaining poly rights. Maybe that'll be the last and most difficult battle, who knows. And yes, an (MFM would be great) poly family and/or poly advocacy group will challenge the anti-poly laws eventually. I just don't know whether I'll see that in my lifetime. I hope I do.

YouAreHere, that was a terrifying story from that family in New Zealand. Maybe things are better in the U.S., but I'll bet you're right that it depends entirely on the attitude and disposition of the bureaucrat/s who happen/s to be assigned to your case.
 
Right, let's not even mention it ... If we mention it, people might think about it ...
 
Perhaps if they had said "preach polygamy" instead of "teach polygamy?" In any case, the law needs clarification at least.
 
Okay, all these laws on the books, do any of them address the concept of people living in separate cabins or yurts around a big house? Because technically, no matter who is sleeping with whom, it doesn't look like a "marriage-like cohabitation" when investigated by the law.

And if it does count as marriage-like cohabitation, were we then also breaking the law when my husband's friend moved in to the lower yurt? He wasn't sleeping with either of us.
 
Arizona
California
Hawaii
Indiana
Kansas
Maine
Nevada
New Mexico
Oregon
Washington

That's the short list I've come up with. I haven't delved too deeply, so if anyone has reasons to cross one of these states off, I'd like to hear it. :)
 
Re: marriage-like habitations ... are possibly highly pliable concepts depending on which authorities are handling the case and why. And yes, I've heard of mere platonic roommates getting cited for breaking anti-poly laws. The system hardly even pretends to make sense.

Re: Arizona ... kind of conservative overall, isn't it? [shrug] It possibly has a few poly-rich areas.

Re: New Mexico ... essentially has a "poly hub" in Santa Fe, with a "satellite" in Albuquerque. That's about all the official poly activity it has. Still, I found it to be an easy-going State in most respects; not like people are all up into your business and stuff.

Re: Washington and Oregon ... definitely poly-rich in the western/coastal areas; poly-poor in the eastern/dry areas.

Can't think of any other nits to pick at. :)
 
Well, my "no" list is as such:

Arizona - too hot
California - too expensive
Hawaii - too expensive
Indiana
Kansas
Maine = snow
Nevada
New Mexico - too hot
Oregon - PunkRockAwesomesauce says no
Washington - PunkRock Awesomesauce says no

I have lived in Houston, TX, so I am not looking forward to living in heat again, but I am willing to compromise on NM if we get a pool. :) I am NOT willing to compromise on snow. I hate snow and want to never see it again in person, if at all possible. :)
 
From what I understand (from relatives in the area), the Prescott, AZ area isn't the hot, dry desert you think of when you think of the southern part of the state: http://www.movingtoprescott.com/climate.html

Worth looking into. :)
 
All's I know about Nevada is that Vegas is infamous for its Summer heat! New Mexico (e.g. Albuquerque) is much more forgiving (less heat in the Summer, less cold in the Winter). I think the fact that New Mexico has so much desert country makes it "look" hotter than much of it really is.

A bit off-topic, but Utah's temps are a bit more extreme (hot and cold) than NM. Michigan's temps are more extreme than that -- plus lots of humidity so Summer soaks through your clothes instantly and Winter freezes your bones no matter how bundled up you are. And Michigan has lots of snow. Washington on the other hand, has milder temps than NM (less heat, less cold) and very little snow, however it's a little humid (like during the Summer).

Just thought I'd tell you about all the States I've lived in. :)

Consider Kansas City, it's had favorable poly reviews.
 
Why does PunkRock not like the PNW?

Indiana gets super humid in the summer (temps in the upper 90s - lower 100s on occasion - then add the discomfort of humidity in the 90%s). Ice in the winter depending on location - I lived in South Central IN and it was AWFUL some years, like 6 inches of ice on stuff, and other years it was fine.

That's all I know. :)
 
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