Vixtresses' Blog (Mostly Ramblings)

nycindie said:
Burnsy and I did that once. We had had a discussion about sending pics (of any kind), and I told him I would never send sexy ones to anyone ever (you just never know where they will wind up eventually).

A few days later I send a message to his phone -- the subject was "My Pussy" and it was a pic of my cat. He responded with "My Junk" and it was a pic of his toolbox overflowing with stuff in his workshop. Tee-hee.
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opalescent said:
Did you put your phone with his tool box photo in your car trunk? Then his Junk would have been in your Trunk.

Couldn't help myself...
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Hah! Too funny, you two. I'd definitely be more comfortable if it were a joke.
 
Vix, there are plenty of guys out there. Often, when one makes up their mind about having poly relationships, you find yourself "scouting" every opportunity that could possibly present itself. But you can relax and take it easy, it'll happen. Don't think you have to follow up on every attraction or flirtation. Enjoy them and as you get to know someone, then see if you want more involvement.
 
I think you've hit the nail on the head, nycindie (have I told you yet that I think you give very wise advice?). :eek: I think I'm just excited by the idea that I can pursue these things. But yeah... no need to burn through all of my guy friends by trying to see if there's something there. I need to just chill out. Maybe go hang out with a girl friend.
 
Well, I went jogging with that guy last night. He lives a block away from me, so we've gone jogging a couple of times together. No mention of the naked pic, and I didn't bother asking. I'm not particularly concerned right now; I'm trying to just take it easy.

Romeo and I had a pretty good conversation inspired by the other guy who was at the party. We pretty much established where we are with this whole thing. He is in it because I am, but he said that he is doing it with me, he's not just tolerating it for me. He says it is a major adjustment for him, it's a huge amount of processing for him to do, but that he's willing to do it. I asked if he thought it would make it easier for him if I put any pursuit of connections/relationships of mine on hold for the time being as he/we work on that processing, and he said no, he'd rather we just continue as we are.

He's a little skeptical of my... hmm. My self control? Non-sluttiness? He isn't very direct when he talks, so I have to translate a lot, because I'll get a vague thought from him and then I'll ask lots of clarifying questions to figure out what his point is. I think basically he's feeling like I jumped into bed really quickly with Knight, and at this point he wouldn't be shocked if I told him tomorrow that I slept with someone else. He is supportive of my pursuit of relationships, but he doesn't want to see me fucking everything that walks, essentially.

I guess that doesn't sound like as productive a conversation as I feel it was. I've probably left a bunch of things out. Oh well. I still feel it was productive.

We changed our facebook relationship status to "in an open relationship". I'm sort of wondering if we should have just gone from "engaged" to "in a relationship", but we were pretty much just aiming for accuracy. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea... oh well, it's done. Not much point in flip-flopping about it.
 
Hmm. Romeo went out with some friends last night, and he said one of them posed an interesting question that he didn't know how to answer, and he thought maybe I could help him think about it. The question was, "Don't you think you're limiting your potential options for girlfriends with your current relationship style?"

:confused:

Well, yeah. He IS limiting his potential options. But it's VASTLY less limited than a closed, monogamous relationship, in which he is limited to only ME, and NO potential other options. He seemed honestly stumped, though, and concerned that he wouldn't be able to "find someone else" if he's with me.

I'm not really sure what to make of that. I don't remember how I responded, either... probably something like, "Well, yeah... you are limiting your options. So? It's not like everybody would have been a potential option anyway."

In other news... well, there isn't really other news. I went to Starbucks to catch up with my best friend last night. I love that girl. She and I are SO vastly different, but I think our friendship adds depth to both of us. I mentioned that last night, and she agreed. I told her about the Knight situation and how it all went down, and her immediate conclusion was pretty much that he's a douchebag and I shouldn't talk to him ever again. I told her I wasn't sure how or if our friendship would recover and progress, but that I wasn't ready to cut him off. We were good friends before, and I think we stand a chance of getting back to that, despite the fact that I feel insulted at the way he ended things. I just don't feel vindictive about it, and she can't imagine not feeling vindictive.

The guy I kissed (you know, the nekkid pic guy? I haven't given him a nickname... I'm trying not to take this too seriously or too fast, and I just feel like if I name him here he's suddenly something, you know?) is a mutual friend of this girl and I. She and I went to his place after Starbucks, and spent a few hours talking and laughing about random crap as they surfed their OKCupid accounts. They both (well, she more than he, actually) urged me to join, saying I'd probably get tons of messages. Eh, maybe someday. I'm not eager to go on the hunt just now.

Anyway, it was after midnight when she started getting up to go. Since we came in the same car, I started to get up to go with her, but then the guy mentioned that I could stay if I wanted. I hesitated, because I wanted to stay (I might get another kiss, lol :p), but I hadn't told my friend about the flirting with the guy, so I wasn't sure how to pull it off without being completely obvious. So I didn't end up staying... but ugh! The guy text me afterwards, and we both admitted that we'd wanted me to stay a little later, but there really wasn't any way of pulling that off without being completely obvious. Our friend isn't stupid. Plus, I've always thought that the guy has had a thing for this girl, and I didn't want to get in the way of his game in case he wanted to pursue something with her later on. (Is that weird? Am I even making any sense here?)

OK, I'm rambling. Guess that's it for today!
 
Well, again last night Romeo went out with some friends and I went to that guy's place, and we both stayed out late.

The guy and I totally made out. We hadn't kissed since that time last weekend. It was really nice. :eek: I think I like this guy. He suggested we go watch a movie this weekend (Friends with Benefits... big hint?), which sounds like fun. I'd wanted to see that movie anyway.

How to proceed... I have no idea. We haven't had any "what is this" or "where is this going" conversations. It's just been fun, relaxed, enjoyable stuff. How do you figure out when/if it's a right time to broach serious stuff without messing up the fun/relaxed stuff?

For one thing, even if this turns into a short lived thing, if we get sexually involved, we obviously need to do the whole STD testing thing and have the condoms conversation, but we're not really there just now... we're just making out... but I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I made with Knight. Timing... I suck at it.

Help?
 
Oh thank goodness! It was a joke, not a naked pic. Turned out it was a cartoon or something. I stole your idea, nycindie, and sent him a picture of my cat with the same caption you used. He got a kick out of that.

I'm so relieved! LOL. His charm points meter shot back up. :p

And... he text me with a picture of "his cock" - a photo of a rooster. Phew! Back to light humor and no worrying about motives.
 
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Well, we went out for dinner and a movie on Friday night. Neither of us called it a date, but it had all the stereotypical date components - dinner, a movie, and an "I had a really nice time tonight" a the end, LOL. :p

At the end of the night (which really dragged on into the early morning, actually... I stayed at his apartment for some time after the movie), things had been getting pretty hot and heavy physically. Clothes have stayed on, and other than kissing, there's been no exposure to body fluids, but it's getting to that point where it's becoming quite apparent that we're both interested in having sex (is there any non-crass way of putting that??) so I brought up STD testing. I said that I hate to kill the mood and mystique with serious topics, but it needed to be said, and he understood. He agreed with me that it's only sensible, especially in our city.

Today we were chatting online, and he brought up three specific concerns that he thought of over breakfast. He said he hates to interrupt the flow of things by overthinking things, but still thought they were important. I said sometimes things just have to be analyzed properly. The first two concerns have to do with his sister... who happens to be my roommate. He's concerned about her reaction to what's going on between us, and given the fact that he had a short relationship that went south with another friend of hers years ago, he thinks she might decide that she needs to isolate him from her friends (again). The last concern is about Romeo. He considers Romeo a friend, and he wonders how Romeo will feel about what's going on between us now or later on. (Later on? Ooh. Sounds nice to me!)

I said that I wasn't sure what to tell him about his sister. She and I haven't been getting along lately. Frankly, she hasn't been getting along well with him, either - she chose not to go to his birthday party this year over something petty, and they haven't spoken since.

I know she knows there's something going on, though. While I was getting ready to go to the movies yesterday, she asked Romeo in the other room where I was going, who I was going with, and how he felt about that. He said I was going to the movies, with a guy (he said "some guy", he didn't elaborate on which guy... we're both sort of wary of her reaction), and he's fine with it. She asked what guy, and he again said "just some guy". After I left, Romeo says she started ranting at him about what a bitch/slut I am, that I'm ruining his life, and that she knew it was her brother that I was with. She apparently said a bunch of stuff about how I'm just like that friend her brother got with a few years ago, and that she's basically pissed off at both of us. She's pissed off at her brother for... I don't know, going after one of her friends? And she's pissed off at me for "screwing around" with her brother. Valid concern, I suppose, but mind, she hasn't said a single thing to me about this. Actually, she hasn't said anything to me since Romeo told her about opening up our relationship, and she expressed her disapproval to him then, too.

So... I don't know what to do about the roommate. She's going to be pissy no matter what. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
 
Hopefully this doesn't sound condescending :) but how old is this roommate?

She reminds me of some people i used to hang around in my twenties... very petty and judgmental and felt you should live your life the way THEY would, no understanding that everybody is different and has to decide for themselves.

Anyway, what I've learned from my old-er age is that people like this you really can't change and they will more than likely never see your relationship the way you do-- they will see it through their eyes and their view of how things should be.

As long as you and romeo and this new guy are all honest and respectful and communicating, which it sounds like you all are, then that's all that really matters.

As for her ranting about you, I would say that at some point you, or Romeo, needs to stop her and say "I realize you have issues with this situation, but we are all adults and are acting responsibly. Calling people names is not acceptable, and this relationship is none of your business, so your opinions about it are no longer welcome." And that's it. She won't like it, so what. It isn't her business. Who her brother dates is NONE of her concern, and the disrespectful tone needs to be addressed.

You may want to at some point look for another living situation...
 
Minxxa said:
Hopefully this doesn't sound condescending :) but how old is this roommate?

She reminds me of some people i used to hang around in my twenties... very petty and judgmental and felt you should live your life the way THEY would, no understanding that everybody is different and has to decide for themselves.

Anyway, what I've learned from my old-er age is that people like this you really can't change and they will more than likely never see your relationship the way you do-- they will see it through their eyes and their view of how things should be.

As long as you and romeo and this new guy are all honest and respectful and communicating, which it sounds like you all are, then that's all that really matters.

As for her ranting about you, I would say that at some point you, or Romeo, needs to stop her and say "I realize you have issues with this situation, but we are all adults and are acting responsibly. Calling people names is not acceptable, and this relationship is none of your business, so your opinions about it are no longer welcome." And that's it. She won't like it, so what. It isn't her business. Who her brother dates is NONE of her concern, and the disrespectful tone needs to be addressed.

You may want to at some point look for another living situation...
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Believe it or not, she's 30.

But yes, your description of the people you hung around with in your 20s sounds very similar. She has this idea in her head of "common sense", which consists of her own personal views and anything else is, to her, obviously wrong or stupid or both.

I've come to pretty much accept that she is the way she is, and I can tolerate her on a very superficial level, but living with her sucks.

I like what you said one of us should tell her, though. I think I'll show it to Romeo and we'll see if one of us can say something like that to her next time she says something.

But yeah... Romeo and I have talked about wanting to find a new living situation for well over a year now (probably closer to two). It really sucks.

nycindie said:
Ugh, get rid of the pissy, immature roommate! I would not stand for anyone I am living with to direct such venom my way. Really, you don't need that shit in your living space -- your home should be a place to recharge and a sanctuary from people like that.
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I'd love to get rid of the roommate. Problem is we are all sort of stuck because neither of the two couples can afford a place of our own. Rentals here are expensive, and while we all have jobs, none of us have well paying jobs. We're essentially college kids (except I'm the only one in college... go figure), and our incomes reflect it.

I guess we could start looking into finding a new roommate for the place we live in... or a new place with new roommates. But we really don't make enough money for even a 1/1 or studio apartment in our area. I also have some fear of jumping from the frying pan into the fire - what if new roommies are even worse? But then, I think a lot of our problelms stem from being personally involved, since we all started off as friends. Maybe a business-only arrangement would be more peaceful.
 
nycindie said:
A few days later I send a message to his phone -- the subject was "My Pussy" and it was a pic of my cat. He responded with "My Junk" and it was a pic of his toolbox overflowing with stuff in his workshop. Tee-hee.
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Lol. I did that once with "my big cock" with a picture of a rather large rooster.:D
 
OK, you know what? Screw it. I just made a profile on roommates.com. It's a long shot - we've got a dog and a cat (both little, but still), but who knows. It could happen. If it does, it'd be a welcome relief.
 
vixtresses said:
OK, you know what? Screw it. I just made a profile on roommates.com. It's a long shot - we've got a dog and a cat (both little, but still), but who knows. It could happen. If it does, it'd be a welcome relief.
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The place you're in now -- is it yours and she lives there? Or would you be looking for a new place to move into? What kind of agreement do you have? Just wondering if it's a situation where you can ask her to find a new place.

I think it's a good move to see what else is out there. You shouldn't just say it's hard to find without even looking, right? ;)
 
Right now we're all sharing a lease. She and I are the primary lease holders, and our respective men are listed as "occupants" on the lease. She and I moved in together originally, and later on Romeo moved in, right around the time she met and moved her husband in.

I don't think I'd be comfortable even asking if they'd be willing to find another place. We certainly can't even hope to afford the place on our own. I could just imagine us ending up stuck with it. The lease is coming to an end soon, anyway, so maybe we can work something out.

Romeo said she actually mentioned something about not living together anymore during her tirade about my supposed sluttiness. I don't know if she was serious or not, though. She's said things like "Well, if you don't like it, you should move somewhere else!" before in a hissy fit, but nothing ever came of it.
 
Yikes. Yeah, that kind of stuff where you live is so taxing... but I do understand being stuck for periods of time.

I do think though that in the meantime establishing boundaries is essential. Maybe you and Romeo could craft some good "one liners" for different subjects and then just repeat them to her every time she starts to go off. Something like "I see that the situation is disturbing to you, but our relationship is none of your business and I would appreciate you keeping your comments about it to yourself." Something very middle of the road and calm, but clearly expressing that your relationship is none of her business and to butt the F out. :)

And maybe if she talks about not living together again... "If the intimate details of our personal relationship are that disturbing to you, perhaps you are right that living together is not a good idea."

Maybe if she gets the idea that her opinions on your personal matters won't be tolerated, and that her being offended doesn't bother you, she'll get upset enough to move out.

Sucky situation though...
 
Yeah... I worry about establishing boundaries about this particular situation because so far, the situation with this guy is relatively unacknowledged. It'd be so much easier if I didn't live with his sister; we could just go on with life as "friends" and nobody would need to be the wiser. I guess we could just do that as it is, but there will certainly be speculation, and I'm not sure how to respond if faced with direct confrontation about that speculation.

We talked again about those concerns in person the other night, actually. He had a lot of apprehension about how things would work in terms of Romeo's feelings now or down the line. He was also pretty sure that if we (theoretically) decided to pursue a relationship of some sort, his very traditional family would alienate him. He isn't new to that sort of alienation from them, and it seemed like he wasn't sure how he would feel about that, but it sounds like an altogether bad thing to me.

There was another concern... Oh yeah. He was also not sure how he would feel about it if (again, theoretically) we ended up in a relationship and two years down the line (or any given number of years/months/whatever) I decided I wanted to pursue yet another relationship. I said something about going at the pace of the slowest person :rolleyes: and being considerate of feelings. He acknowledged that, but said that it would be unfair if it turned out to be something that I really wanted and he turned out to be uncomfortable with it. I didn't really know what to say at that point. I think I mentioned the practicality issue - I probably don't have time for indefinite numbers of relationships, anyway.

The conversation was only minimally awkward, surprisingly. In the end, with so many questions that I didn't have definite answers to, I said that there was a lot of information online that might help him sort things out. He asked me to send him some links, so I did that yesterday.

Today I'm kind of nervous about this. I really enjoy his company. I really like making out with him, too. :p :eek: I admire the fact that he's upfront about where he stands, even if he's not sure where that is.

So... big heavy conversation. Now what? Actually, I think he asked that, and I said something along the lines of not needing to make any big decision about it right now. I said that I'd been making a conscious effort not to take things too seriously.

Despite the open and emotionally mature conversation, I'm not holding my hopes too high on this one. I have a feeling the family thing is going to be the kicker here, especially since I live with his sister.

Humbug. And he's really good looking, too! Darnit.
 
It always puzzles me when people decide not to jump into something based on predicting the future or some idealized scenario they imagine could happen. What if two years from now... what the?! Young people today worry so much! Whatever happened to "love the one you're with?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5IVuN1N6-Y
 
I know, right? That's kind of what I was thinking, but I'm trying to be hands-off, no pressure... He's actually not THAT young, though. He's 35.
 
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