Warm Greetings and Hugs!

LittleOne

LittleOne

New member
Hi All,

I am 28 years old female, and my husband has recently opened up to me that he wants try a poly relationship. To give some background; in college, we experimented in a group relationship, but ultimately did not work out due to my own insecurities. Now years later, he wants to try again (although he has not met anyone yet).

There are a lot of thoughts in my head, that I hope I can work through having a community to turn to.

Its been many years since I've been in a group relationship, and I know now exactly what my problems were, and how I should have solved them. But I am still concerned if I am really ready.

The positive side of me is encouraging me of my kindness, strength, and open-mindedness. But my negative side is still nagging at me with this fear of failing, hurting the other partner, and ultimately losing my husband.

Hoping for support and hugs,
LittleOne
 
Hi, LittleOne and welcome.

Let me just say, this can work if YOU want it to, and are willing to put in the emotional labour to get to a place where you can not only "tolerate" your partner's desires, but actively want that for him (and possibly for yourself too).

See, I can relate to your fears and doubts. My first really serious relationship ended due to a threeway sexual entanglement between my then fiancé, my best friend (our housemate) and I. At the time, we were really young and didn't have the emotional tools to deal with the situation maturely, nor did we really know what "this" was, or what we really wanted.

Fast forward over a decades-long marriage to another man and amicable separation...

...and I found myself involved in a serious LDR with a man I met online (my current male partner, Jester), who also happened to be already involved in a FWB thing with a mutual female friend, Boho, unbeknownst to me.

Cue quick and painful dissolution of their "relationship" (at least the sexual side of it, though they remained closest friends, much to my consternation)... and intermittent bouts of insecurity, guilt and jealousy from both my side and Boho's... until eventually she and I mended our differences and found ourselves attracted to each other, too. In that way, my first truly consensual poly relationship was born. However, it has taken a LOT of work and a fair deal of TIME for all three of us to shed our insecurities and various degrees of resentment we held for at least one other member of our "V". We're still not all the way there yet, but it's improving every day.
 
Greetings LittleOne,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are experiencing some anxiety about your own insecurities, as you face a new poly relationship. I hope we can help you with that. Post more about what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and what's going on. This will give us a basis of advice we can give you. Describe your new poly situation as it evolves. This will give us a basis of ongoing advice we can give. You can always post here in this thread, I'll be here, but try Poly Relationships Corner, it's very active and lots of members will respond to you.

Glad to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks for the encouragement everyone!

Last night I was thinking about it and I realized that among the fear of challenges, I am excited to meet someone new and look forward to the possibility that a good relationship could bring. :)
 
So this cloud has a silver lining. :D You're on the right track, keep on thinking positive thoughts.
 
Hi LittleOne - and welcome to the Forum! As Kevin said, please do post any thoughts and questions that you may have - we have lots of experienced poly folks on the forum who are generally helpful with lots of good advice. Best of luck on your poly journey! Al
 
Time and experience with poly dating might be the only way to find out how deep your insecurities run. Don't rush into anything you are not ready for, especially without a lot of communicating with your partner.
 
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