Well, that didn't last very long....

missmindful

New member
For those who don't know me, I have posted before about dating a man I call The Professor, who has been married to Nadia for 9 years. This has been my first experience with polyamory. I posted about a scheduling problem a week or two ago, in Poly Problem #1. It came out that he had wanted me to date him exclusively, and with much advice from this forum, I told him I was going to start dating again. He didn't like it, but he said he just wanted me to be happy.

So, I ended it, somewhat unknowingly. It seems that The Professor really did not like the idea of me dating other people. Our interactions became awkward and a bit strained after I told him I wanted to date again. Our conversations became centered on things that he was helping me with- training for a race, and my resume. We had a bit of a dom/sub thing going on and he liked helping me, but it started to become uncomfortable for me. When he was unable to schedule sexy time with me yet again after not being together for two weeks and making no plans to meet up, I texted that I was starting to feel as if logistically our relationship did not seem to be working out and that I felt as if I may want more than he was able to give. He did not respond. AT ALL. I sent him a text the next day stating that I did not know what I said to warrant no reply and he said my message seemed quite definitive. WTF? Anyway, it's over. It seems that he wanted more commitment than I was able to give him, I guess, which is just crazy being that he is married and we did not even know each other two months.

So I just wanted to thank you all for your warm welcome, and all of your advice, comments, and opinions. I learned a ton about relationships and myself through this whole thing. I don't know if I will end up in another open relationship. I could see myself opening up a healthy relationship down the road or even starting one open, but I don't know if I would date another married man. Time will tell, I guess. Polyamory seems to be quite the rage here in PDX, so you never know, I may be back. :) I wish you all good luck, and I will kind of miss our little chats. This is truly a great little community you have here.

Chow for now!

Miss M
 
You realize you don't have to be in a poly relationship to hang out and chat here, right? If you want to keep posting and reading and such, I hope you will!
 
MissM,

I am sorry it ended the way it did. It's so odd to me when people demand exclusivity from their partners when 1) they, themselves, are dating more than one person and 2) when they've been dating for such a short time (I mean, monogamous relationships rarely start as "exclusive" that quickly...why in the world would poly ones?). I'm glad that you were able to see that the relationship wasn't going to work for you before you got too emotionally invested, and it sounds like you're handing the breakup in a mature and reasonable way.

I, also, generally don't date men who are married/nested, though for different reasons (weirdly, women who are married/nested have literally never been an issue, but that's another thread). But, there are people here who do so quite successfully, so hopefully they'll weigh in with their experiences, as well.

And, as KC43 says, stick around! Even if you decide poly is not for you, it's a great community to learn about relationships all around!
 
Please stay around, you do not have to be poly to post here.

I too always find it strange when poly people demand their partners be exclusive especially someone they just met.

I also do not date poly men who are married/nested with another female partner. I have had many bad experiences with dating men whose nesting partner wants input into MY relationship or subtly sabotage it. I am sure there are many who have not had my experience.
 
I personally usually do want exclusivity with a partner when we first start dating, but that's including present partners - just no adding new ones. I think it's good to focus on building a relationship and getting to know someone better. But that exclusivity doesn't need to last forever - maybe a month or so. It isn't a deal killer for me though, if a guy wanted to keep dating around, I wouldn't necessarily have an issue as long as he did give me the time I was requesting and he wasn't canceling our dates to be with someone else.

In the past, I've had good partners that were married/nesting, and I've had bad partners that were married/nesting. I've had single guys that couldn't focus on us and were bringing up people they were involved with constantly during our dates. Or their other partners were texting them and messaging them when they were supposed to be focused on me. This is a no go for me! Anyway, my experience hasn't been totally negative with married men, is what I am saying. :)

Miss M, I am sorry to hear things didn't work out with your professor.
 
Hi Miss M, sorry to hear about your breakup. You will always be welcome on this forum, whether you're mono or poly or whatever. You have contributed to the store of wisdom here and I appreciate that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Back
Top