Hello all,
I already posted (or tried to post) this to one of Polykat’s posts, but I’m restarting here to get a fresh start. It was in response to Mono's post. I’m Polykat’s fiance. I read your suggested posts on your feelings, but what made me comment at this time (first time commenting on her post) was the statement that you made, “You need to look out for yourself by not committing to a monogamous marriage if you can't be healthy as well.”
I agree!! In fact, ever since she informed me of her desires, I told her that I might not be the man for her. I also told her (and still believe) that I might never be able to be in this type of relationship. I told her that I think it’s best for her to move on without me, because I feel that although she is happy with me, she will never have complete happiness because of her feelings towards this lifestyle.
She has assured me that she is happy with what we have (for now), and that she would like me to “evolve” past my mono mindset, and that she will stay with me even if this does not happen.
My mind said leave her now! It will hurt (a lot) but it will be better for the both of us. My heart said stay and love her until 1) you “evolve” or 2) SHE leaves you. Now, I can’t say for certain, but I don’t see myself evolving, and she says that she will never leave me, not even for complete happiness! During our discussions, she informed me that she wouldn’t move forward (sleep with or start a poly relationship with another man) without my blessing, and if I decide to never give my blessing, she will still be happy. I take that to mean that she won’t be completely happy.
From what I have researched on this matter, I have gathered that poly people are not nor could they ever be completely happy living a mono life. I was told that it’s like suppressing your true self and your true feelings. I think the people that have suppressed their feelings will eventually give in to them. I also think that Polykat will eventually will give in to her feelings and give me the ultimatum of being in a poly/mono relationship or no relationship at all. Even though she has said numerous of times that this would never happen, I’m preparing myself for (what I think is) the inevitable.
At this point, I’m just trying to get all the love I can for as long as I can.
So, my questions to you, Mono (and all) are:
1. Can a polyamorist suppress their feeling and desires forever? Should they even try?
2. Am I wrong for denying her complete happiness knowing (or believing) that it would destroy mine?
3. Most importantly, should we get married knowing that I probably will never change my view on this matter?
Thanks for reading and responding.
I already posted (or tried to post) this to one of Polykat’s posts, but I’m restarting here to get a fresh start. It was in response to Mono's post. I’m Polykat’s fiance. I read your suggested posts on your feelings, but what made me comment at this time (first time commenting on her post) was the statement that you made, “You need to look out for yourself by not committing to a monogamous marriage if you can't be healthy as well.”
I agree!! In fact, ever since she informed me of her desires, I told her that I might not be the man for her. I also told her (and still believe) that I might never be able to be in this type of relationship. I told her that I think it’s best for her to move on without me, because I feel that although she is happy with me, she will never have complete happiness because of her feelings towards this lifestyle.
She has assured me that she is happy with what we have (for now), and that she would like me to “evolve” past my mono mindset, and that she will stay with me even if this does not happen.
My mind said leave her now! It will hurt (a lot) but it will be better for the both of us. My heart said stay and love her until 1) you “evolve” or 2) SHE leaves you. Now, I can’t say for certain, but I don’t see myself evolving, and she says that she will never leave me, not even for complete happiness! During our discussions, she informed me that she wouldn’t move forward (sleep with or start a poly relationship with another man) without my blessing, and if I decide to never give my blessing, she will still be happy. I take that to mean that she won’t be completely happy.
From what I have researched on this matter, I have gathered that poly people are not nor could they ever be completely happy living a mono life. I was told that it’s like suppressing your true self and your true feelings. I think the people that have suppressed their feelings will eventually give in to them. I also think that Polykat will eventually will give in to her feelings and give me the ultimatum of being in a poly/mono relationship or no relationship at all. Even though she has said numerous of times that this would never happen, I’m preparing myself for (what I think is) the inevitable.
At this point, I’m just trying to get all the love I can for as long as I can.
So, my questions to you, Mono (and all) are:
1. Can a polyamorist suppress their feeling and desires forever? Should they even try?
2. Am I wrong for denying her complete happiness knowing (or believing) that it would destroy mine?
3. Most importantly, should we get married knowing that I probably will never change my view on this matter?
Thanks for reading and responding.
