What will others think?

D

David22

New member
First post outside of my intro. Was hit with the idea of becoming more open around the Christmas time and while I was happy to keep the mono dynamic of our relationship going my partner Danni was set more to open our relationship to others while still maintaining our happy home and life. After a few weeks of discussion and much reading into it more I realised the thought of an open relationship was worth trying out. Danni has already been going steady with someone for a little while now and I'm working through the joys of their NRE but there has been plenty of advice on how to get through all that my mind can do to me over this adjustment time, so a thank you to you all in advance for that!!

Okay so this post is about something that has come to Danni's mind just today and she is somewhat concerned about it. We both work in the same place, have done for over 5 years. They have seen us grow close together and seen the start of our family with the arrival of our son two years ago but she has now become concerned with what others will think when they find out about our openness to be with others (small town gossipers).

I don't share this concern as to me we are happy and people can think what they like. At the end of the day both me and Danni and her boyfriend know that our relationship and family comes first. I know there are many poeple out there that don't understand all that we are going through but I wanted to know have any of you experienced the opinions or judgements of people that don't understand?

David
 
How are they going to find out? Are you and Danni and her other partner telling people you're poly? Are they going on open dates around town?

As for what people will think... fuck 'em. As long as it doesn't affect your son or jeopardize your jobs, the only people whose opinions of the situation actually matter are you, Danni, and her other partner.
 
Not openly telling the world, only close friends that knew we we're having troubles before we went poly. She suspects the local rumour stirring circle (lead my someone we work with) may have caught on to Danni and her bf seeing one another. We've agreed that going out in public was all good but keeping it decent, like not going into our work or somewhere either of are family are known to frequent and and being overly affectionate.

Just sucks that there are that so many closed minded people out there. I told her not to worry about it but she is one for overthinking negative situations.
 
Hi David22,

I don't have much experience with coming out, there is only like one friend and one family member who officially knows about my poly situation. For what it's worth, both of them (the ones who officially know) have been totally cool about it.

I think coming out tends to be a mixed package. Some people will support you, others will reject you. A few may even make trouble for you, if they can. If the rumor mill is already up and running, there's not much you can do except brace yourself.

I hope most people are supportive toward you.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I can't say that I've ever had someone from work judge me to my face, but I'm a guy. We don't get judged as sluts. That is probably why you (and I) don't care what people think. What I have seen is pure ignorance. A long time ago an ex and I dated a girl I worked with. A couple guys at work found out and assumed she would date them too. I ended up having to fire one for sexual harassment.

More recently, it came out that I was poly. One guy kept referring to my wife as my estranged wife because he simply couldn't grasp the concept of being married and dating other women. Another, who was supposed to be my friend, kept trying to undermine my relationships. I think he was actually jealous.


So yeah, it can cause some problems.
 
I'm open everywhere but at work and most people seem to fall into one of two camps: curious or supportive. I recommend just being honest. If you act like you're doing something shameful, people will treat you like you're doing something shameful.
 
We are "out" to our social circle and that has worked out well - there is minimal overlap with my work and none with our families.

We minimize PDA's in public anyway but the main thing seems to be to just act as though everything is normal and surprised if people question it. If Dude and I run into a co-worker I make a point of introducing him: "Why, hello, Mr. Someone, have you met our roommate, Dude? We were just headed to X restaurant, my husband, MrS, and I were there last week and it was delicious." La-la-la just going out to dinner with a friend.

JaneQ
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top