When one of the relationships ends . . .

[June76]

Dear friends --

Any experience or thoughts here would be very appreciated -- I am married as is the guy I have been dating for the past few years. The new hiccup is that he and his wife separated this past week and he has moved out on his own. While I am being as supportive in the ways I can, I am at a bit of a loss. Partially because he is so very depressed and I don't exactly know how to help.

If anyone has experience with all of this, please share . . .

Thank you!!

 

[kdt26417]

Hi June76,

I don't know of a way to fix this type of problem ... Time is the healer here. You can certainly be there for him, but he is probably going to be depressed for a long time. It's part of his grieving process.

Sorry that's all I have at least for now.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Magdlyn]

There is a lot of information on the internet about helping a loved one deal with a loss, and dealing with grief and depression.

Sit with them. Tell them you're there for them. Listen. Sit nearby, hold them or hold their hand, if they want that. Draw them out, but if they need to be silent, stand by quietly, give them alone time as they need it.

Help them with household chores and other life things that need done. Help them schedule things, and remind them about appointments. Try to help them eat well, sleep well, take walks.

You can try to cheer them up with humor, sex, etc., but some depressed people become anhedonic, and for a while do not enjoy the things that used to give them pleasure.

I had one bf who lost his mom, and he has bipolar depression as it is. He broke up with me since he was overly attached to his mom, but in a very unhealthy way, they used to argue a lot. He lost the will to have a romantic relationship. I don't believe grieving people generally part ways with their loved ones, but I do know some couples break up if they, say, deal with a child with a longterm illness, dies from it, or is murdered, things like that. The grief and stress becomes too much to leave anything over for each other. But some couples grow closer in these cases too.

You can encourage your bf to get into grief counseling if much time goes by and he is unable to function.

Remember to take care of yourself too! You must be at your best to care for a grieving loved one. Go hang out with other friends and do fun things. You will have more to give your bf if you are rested and stimulated. Try to let any guilt of this flow away from you. It's not selfishness.