Which way to turn?

On Jan 13 2006 I pledged to love a man I didn't completely know. But how many of us do? I thought marriage would be the bond that kept him from cheating again. It was his idea to move the wedding date up. He did propose, I thought we'd never get married.

Last year on Jan 13th, according to my journal, we went to eat with my in laws, came home, got in a fight and went to bed, we'd also had our divorce talk a few weeks prior (where we decided to give it a year and decide if we would stay married) and would have another the night of my birthday party that march.

This year on Jan 13th, I will celebrate 5 years of being the luckiest woman alive. I say I didn't completely know Karma on our wedding day because he didn't completely know Karma. Over the last five years we've grown a lot. As individuals and as a couple. We've discussed divorce a few times. Two of which I had already contacted my lawyer. At this time last year, I had no idea how to save my marriage. Because I didn't know what was wrong.

I knew something was wrong. Had known it for quite some time. I had all kinds of theories. We had all kinds of talks. They never seemed to resolve anything.

Little did I know as I cried myself to sleep on my 4th wedding anniversary, what the next year held.

After finding out about Cricket, and everyone else my husband had slept with, we had a marathon talk. I wanted all of it. And I got it. A lot of it hurt. But it was the truth. And that night, I started to get to know my husband again.

We've become a partnership again. So much so that we are now losing friends who don't know how to handle the dynamic of us being what we were when we first started dating.

We've started exploring our sexual relationship again. I finaly trust him to push me past boundries I set up long before I knew him, some I didn't even know I had.

We're both working on demons from our past. Working together to reach our goals, become better people.

Looking back I'm amazed we're still married. I don't honestly know how either of us put up with the other. But something held us together.

And I am so glad it did.

Still trying to figure out how to make our day special. We can't afford much. We have gift cards for dinner and a movie. I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Cuz he deserves something special. I'm a pretty lucky girl.
 
Wow Mo....Very nice! ;) My wife and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary on Jan 16th.
 
Congrats! Wolf and I hit our 10 year anniversary on October 20, 2010. Keep putting in the hard work and you'll keep seeing the reward.
 
That is beautiful, Mo. You guys got married on my birthday! I am glad that you two have held on even through times that seemed to be really foggy. I'm sure your day will be special no matter what since your partnership is renewed and you are entering another year of growing, learning, and creating a multitude of memories.
 
I'm in such a mood today and I can't pinpoint why.

There are a lot of little irritants going on at the moment so maybe they are just all hitting at once. I dunno.
 
Just got an entertaining bit of news. Apparently the guy our Darkon country voted in, the reason I quit. Had now decided that people aren't listening to him so he's gonna quit again:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I hope they got what they wanted out of all of this.

I'm still in a crappy mood. I have some idea of where it is coming from. But Karma came home from seeing Cricket( which I thought was some alone time for them and turned out to be with a bunch of people) in a mood as well so tonight may not be the best time to discuss it. He spent all of 3 minutes in the bedroom saying hi to me and is now playing video games and screwing off with our room mate.
 
I think one of the hardest things I have ever done is respect his wishes to not get involved. But it is so hard to stand aside and watch him hurt.
 
Must stay supportive, going balistic won't solve anything, this has been proven, time to take the anger and send it somewhere else. Just gotta figure out how to do that.
 
Keep your chin up Mo.....Keep your chin up. My wife was in your shoes not too long ago.
 
Great start to our anniversary. Our roommate went out for the night so we were able to have our normal loud sex. Amazing!! We tried some new things, pushed some boundries, was interesting.
Dinner and a movie tomorrow (today we're on our typicaly odd schedule again), then museums in DC on Friday.

Things are going really well.
Now if only our "temporary" roommate would find somewhere else to live. I love him, he's honestly one of the only people I have ever lived with that I don't want to kill. But I want my living room back! Our place is too small for 3 people and I'm starting to get a bit clausterphobic. He was only supposed to be here until we got back from Ohio, and now...who knows. I don't wanna kick him out on the street, but something is going to have to happen.
 
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You know what I really can't stand about poly? I can deal with sharing my husband. If sharing is what you want to call it. I can deal with making schedules and the little things that come up as time goes on. What I cannot deal with is being told I am supposed to keep my mouth shut about my husbands other relationship, when that relationship keeps working its way into my life.

When my husband is upset, that comes through to my marriage.

I can't just say, "well that has nothing to do with me, so leave your negative emotions at the door" anymore than I can say "well I'm glad your all giddy from your time with her but come back down to Earth for awhile".

It just fucking sucks that our emotional states are no longer just ours. We no longer are the major influence on eachother. I now have to deal with someone elses influence on his life and I can't do a damn thing about it.

If he were upset with me, he's tell and we'd find a way to make it work. But when he and Cricket have an issue, I live with him, I still get the brunt of it.

I love my husband. I want to be there for him and support him in anyway I can. I am not saying this is his fault. In reality it is what it is. It's not like he can say well this is not Mo's issue so I'll just be happy now. I'm not upset with him for having feelings. I am upset that they have nothing to do with me, yet impact my life.
 
Yea...that is a big downfall but can't that be negotiated? It is unfair that you have to endure the energy left behind by whatever issues he may be dealing with in his other relationships. I mean, I know we all have our moods and our own ways of dealing with things but, in a way, it's similar to how you would conduct yourself at work if you were having personal issues. You don't go to work carrying that on your shoulders for everyone around you to deal with so why can't there be some sort of filter when it comes to how he might interact with you? I'm just thinking out loud. I know it's harder for you because you guys live together and, of course, he should be able to completely release his emotional burdens in his home but, on the other hand, how does he also be sensitive to you?

I know you guys will figure it out and work it out but it is definitely thought-provoking. *hugs*
 
Karma is out with friends. Our roommate is MIA. I am left here alone moving from violent anger to such emotional pain it brings tears.

All I've ever wanted was for him to be happy. It hurts so much to see him in this pain. I want to lash out, but I respect his love for her, so I don't. I just sit here and try to wrap my brain around what the hell just happened.

How we went from making schedules for homework dates to "cutting losses".
 
My husbands broken heart is contagious. Not interested in eating, just wnna sit here and smoke and get drunk. And since drowning sorrows is his way to go, that's not gonna happen.

It ripped my heart to shreds to hold him while he shook and sobbed last night. To not have the answers to the questions he kept asking. "Yes honey I know she isn't replaceable, no honey I don't know why she doesn't know it. Yes honey I know you're whole body hurts"

It makes me cry just thinking about it.

They are meeting to talk now. I made him write out all his why's. So he didn't get upset and forget. I'd them to find a way. But if they can't I hope he can find closure.

I never thought I'd be holding my husband while he cried over another woman. I'm glad I'm here for him. But I hate that he has to feel this at all. If this were a g/f, I'd show up with chocolate, kleenex and a bunch of chikflicks. I don't know how to help my husband through this. I feel so helpless. I've never seen him like this and it hurts so much.

If by some twist in the road, they walk away from today trying to work things out, I think I'll step away from the blog again. She referenced my comments about how it was seeping into my marriage. Even though that blog was directed at Karma, she took it personaly, and regardless of how I feel about things, I can't help but feel guilty over that. So it may be best, for them, if I stop.

I may disapear anyway. She's all he's wanted in the world of poly. She may think she's replaceable but she's not. So this is most likely the end of our poly journey anyway.

I'm gonna go find something mind numbing to watch on TV and wait for him to come home. Any suggestions on helping him would be appreciated.
 
Mohegan said:
My husbands broken heart is contagious. Not interested in eating, just wnna sit here and smoke and get drunk. And since drowning sorrows is his way to go, that's not gonna happen.
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Its a perpetual motion solution. It only gets worse with booze.

Drowning sorrows is a very ironic term.
 
Hugs!

I understand why you may need to step away from your blog, but I would encourage you to stay. I may never venture into a true poly relationship, but being here has changed my mindset and helped me make possitive changes in my marriage and other relationships in my life. Besides, we would miss you.:D

I also came here due to a cheating spouse. He is currently not cheating, but this last time was not the first and I have no illussions that the issue will never come up again. I am hoping that the next time, we can address the situation completely differently and we can avoid the "cheating" thing all together. After 19 years of marriage, I know things tend to cycle and while I hope to never see some parts of the cycle again, I need to be prepared for others.


Just to vent:

Mohegan said:
She referenced my comments about how it was seeping into my marriage.
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Excuse me! How did she expect that this relationship would NOT seep into your marriage? It effected your marriage from day 1.
 
SNeacail said:
Hugs!

I understand why you may need to step away from your blog, but I would encourage you to stay. I may never venture into a true poly relationship, but being here has changed my mindset and helped me make possitive changes in my marriage and other relationships in my life. Besides, we would miss you.:D

I don't know for sure yet. This forum has been helpful in so many ways. Not just poly. If they do decide to try again though, I will most likely not post near as often. I don't want what I say taken out of context and hurting their relationship anymore.

Just to vent:



Excuse me! How did she expect that this relationship would NOT seep into your marriage? It effected your marriage from day 1.
I didn't read the message she sent him, but I was told she felt like she was being blamed for the problems in our marriage ( which has NEVER been the case) and that she was tired of being attacked on the forum. What I said was a generalized "this sucks but I know why it sucks". She took what I said personaly and out of context. Something that is getting really old really fast and a big reason for my considering ot posting as much.
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I dunno, this whole thing is a confusing mess. I truly hope Karma is getting the answers he needs from her.
 
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Minor sigh of relief. Just talked to Karma. He seems to be in better spirits. Not great, but not where he was last night. Waiting for him to come home and preparing to do for him whatever he needs.

I'm new to this whole comfort the husband when breaking up with the other love of his life. But I'm gonna do my best to do whatever he needs.
 
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