Why would someone make assumptions about my ability to consent to sex? When I can consent.

A

Anon106

New member
Hello! I am new here and currently have multiple sex partners. I am getting a lot of criticism and not having so much luck because people are making ableist assumptions about me. Why would someone on another forum doubt my ability to consent to sex? They said this statement saying “The amount of times you tell me about this topic tells me all I need to know about your ability to make sound decisions. You're not capable of consenting. Period. There's a reason for it. It's not illegal for YOU to have sex, it is illegal for someone to have sex with you”. Just because I repeat myself a lot about this topic a lot doesn’t mean I can’t consent to sex. I am high functioning autistic. Why would they make an untrue statement? You even agree this isn’t true right? I don’t want my sex partners falsely believing that I can’t consent when I can. The person was just being ableist and making false assumptions am I right?
 
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I wouldn't listen to some internet rando, and why would your partners not have sex with you because of what this internet rando wrote, but by that logic, you shouldn't listen to me either, as I am also an internet rando.

This doesn't rise to the level of "slander" though.

Just block the troll and live your life.

ETA: Was this on reddit /r/polyamory?
 
ref2018 said:
I wouldn't listen to some internet rando, but by that logic, you shouldn't listen to me as I am also an internet rando.

This doesn't rise to the level of "slander" though.
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Yeah I definitely won’t listen to an internet random. Why would they make this assumption? That’s so strange to me. What they said isn’t true right?
 
Anon106 said:
Yeah I definitely won’t listen to an internet random. Why would they make this assumption? That’s so strange to me. What they said isn’t true right?
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I have no idea if what they said is true or not. Only you know that.

Just block this person's profile and forget about them.
 
Etherealbeing said:
It seems to bother you what they said. I can understand that, but do you know why it bothers you?
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Why? Because they are saying untrue information and it could ruin my reputation and make guys I try to have sex with not want to have sex with me. I know I can consent and it upset me when they say I am not able to give informed consent just because I post a lot about sex. Why would they say this to me? To someone that can consent to sex.
 
They probably thought you sounded a tad to confused.

Your consent belongs to you, and an internet stranger can't take that away. I'm also not sure how one nasty comment would ruin your reputation.

BUT, there are situations out there, where being above age and thus legally able to consent does not really make for a clean and infirmed consent. For example huge power imbalance, caused by factors such as age difference and wealth and status differential. If there are such favtors, it's imho irresponsible and alibistic to sleep with thhe very young and inexperienced. Young girls may be easily seduced or intimidated into consenting to stuff that's not good for them... Same goes for other vulnerable groups.

If you sound very confused, maybe the stranger thought you should be treated as someone mentally unstable, and thus people should not just sleep with you. But they were being nasty about it and I don't know why. Maybe they were irritated by something you wrote, but maybe they were irritated about something else entirely in their lives and just taking the anger out on you.

Is that enough of a reason?
 
Tinwen said:
They probably thought you sounded a tad to confused.

Your consent belongs to you, and an internet stranger can't take that away. I'm also not sure how one nasty comment would ruin your reputation.

BUT, there are situations out there, where being above age and thus legally able to consent does not really make for a clean and infirmed consent. For example huge power imbalance, caused by factors such as age difference and wealth and status differential. If there are such favtors, it's imho irresponsible and alibistic to sleep with thhe very young and inexperienced. Young girls may be easily seduced or intimidated into consenting to stuff that's not good for them... Same goes for other vulnerable groups.

If you sound very confused, maybe the stranger thought you should be treated as someone mentally unstable, and thus people should not just sleep with you. But they were being nasty about it and I don't know why. Maybe they were irritated by something you wrote, but maybe they were irritated about something else entirely in their lives and just taking the anger out on you.

Is that enough of a reason?
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Yeah well apparently I wrote about it a lot on other groups and they said I can’t make an informed decision but I was confirmed by a doctor that I can consent. So why are they thinking that I can’t? Just because of my behavior. It’s dangerous for them to assume and for them to say a guy will get arrested for having sex with me when they won’t
 
Well you had to have a confirmation by a doctor that you can consent. That's not standard. Some people in your life, besides these men, must have been in doubt about whether you can consent. Right?

It's good that no-one is getting arrested for sleeping with you. But it seems people will continue to have their doubts!

I want to tell you, please be careful. Sex is not something to play with lightly. Pregnancy is no joke, neither is a broken heart. It would be best if you only have sex with guys who care about you very much.
 
Tinwen said:
Well you had to have a confirmation by a doctor that you can consent. That's not standard. Some people in your life, besides these men, must have been in doubt about whether you can consent. Right?

It's good that no-one is getting arrested for sleeping with you. But it seems people will continue to have their doubts!

I want to tell you, please be careful. Sex is not something to play with lightly. Pregnancy is no joke, neither is a broken heart. It would be best if you only have sex with guys who care about you very much.
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Yeah I will be careful! So I just ignore the person that said that nasty comment about them thinking I can’t consent? And it’s the people that don’t know me that think this. Why are they like this. I’m always safe when having sex
 
Yes, you just ignore the person :) It's one of the cases where their comment says more about them than you.
 
Hello Anon106,

Your ability to consent is for you to decide, it's not someone else's place to decide for you. Whoever this person is, seems to be taking charge of your life, and that is not cool. Tell them that you do not consent to the way they are talking to you, and if they insist on doing it anyway, walk away. Live your own life, and be in charge of it.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello Anon106,

Your ability to consent is for you to decide, it's not someone else's place to decide for you. Whoever this person is, seems to be taking charge of your life, and that is not cool. Tell them that you do not consent to the way they are talking to you, and if they insist on doing it anyway, walk away. Live your own life, and be in charge of it.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Yeah I will tell them that I don’t like them talking to me in that way. Thank you so much!!
 
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