Wife's first date and I'm totally freaking out

P

PolyPaganHim

New member
OK, quick history. The wife and I are new to poly. We just opened our marriage a month or two ago. She is having far more success then I.

Tonight is her first date with another man and I'm losing my shit. It's not jealousy. It's not anger. I'm not quite sure what it is. But I'm totally anxious and nervous about the whole situation. I am very happy for her, and hope it works out.

I dunno, really. I guess I just needed to get it out. I really don't have anyone to talk to about these things. But I got y'all and that's awesome.

Thoughts and advice are encouraged. Does this eventually subside or go away?
 
Hey. It gets better.

Tonight, my wife is on a date with her (our) other partner. I'm at home with the kids, kind of bored, kind of distracting myself, kind of keeping on while really wishing I were with them. (My situation is different from yours in that we're a pretty tight triad, but the feeling of being alone at night, tonight, is pretty similar.)

There are a bunch of resources on this site, a bunch of stories from folks in your shoes.

Something to think about: if you're really happy that this is happening, focus on that. If you're anxious about what she's doing, name it and work out the worst-case scenario. It won't turn out that way. Trust me: worst-case scenarios are absurd; we humans are built to think of absurd worst-case scenarios.

If you're feeling jealous, ask yourself what is going on that you wish you were part of. Is it a date night removed from the cares of your marriage? Arrange one with your wife!

The point is, there are lots of solutions to the anxieties that you're feeling. Nothing connects you to your raw self like moments like this. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort.

And when she comes home, greet her in peace and calmness. Let the love you have speak out. Ask her, without fear, if she's happy. If you need details, get them. If you don't need them, kiss her as hard as you can.

Find your strength with each other.

She didn't "leave you" tonight. She just happens to not be there. It's not that big a deal. It really does get better.
 
PolyPaganHim said:
Tonight is her first date with another man and I'm losing my shit. It's not jealousy... not anger. I'm totally anxious and nervous about the whole situation. I am very happy for her and hope it works out.
Click to expand...

If it's not jealousy or envy, and you are happy for her, I'd say it's just something new which is causing general anxiety. Like being a kid on the first day of school, it's just good old-fashioned excitement from the unknown.

Is that what it is? If so, there is no solution for that. lol
 
It takes time for the "new normal" to become normal.

What's the anxiety about? Fear of the unknown? Something else?
 
It gets easier.

I know this was a few days ago. I hope you made it through the night well and your wife had a nice date.

My spouse and I have only been doing this six months. Saturday I had an overnight with my BF. Tomorrow my spouse has a date. We are at a place where we are happy for each other. It took a little time and adjusting. You'll get there. :)
 
Hey y'all. Thanks for the advice and kind words.

After sitting down and talking to her about it. I found that it was the emptiness. Her energy was missing, when normally it is there. Even when she is out at her mom's, or with other friends, I still feel the same. Now that I realize what is missing, I can fill that void. She has another date with him (R) on Wed, and I have a plan to fill the void. It should be a lot easier this time.

Again, thanks for your advice and POV.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top