Hi all, my wife and I are new to open relationships and she recently found a boyfriend who is living with a girlfriend. My wife has been open with me from the start but he has not been open with his girlfriend. They have been having relationship troubles for a while. I can foresee trouble ahead but I'm not sure what I could or should do?
Wife's friend is cheating
- Thread starter Poly42
- Start date
vinsanity0
Active member
There is definitely trouble ahead. What does your wife think of this? The best you can do is be there to pick up the pieces if the bf decides to dump your wife when the gf finds out. The question she should be asking herself is if he is doing this because he is poly, or because he is looking to replace his live-in girlfriend. I won't get into the whole ethics of this situation since I assume you are both adults and realize the implications.
Trouble, we started 4some poly relationship once. I was 52, my wife 40 the other wife was 32. The husband wanted to go open marriage, so he could start having sex with an old gf. He picked us because I was older than his wife and he thought it would be a turn off for her and he would be free to do his old gf.
It didn't follow his plan. His wife fell in love with me, became friends with my wife. She and I have wild sex. She finally got tired of his bullshit. They had a violent relationship. My wife and I never fought, we talked things out. The other wife left her husband, moved in with us as a V occasional triad. It was very good, until about 5 months in she wanted more of me and to be exclusive and tried to split us up. It ended.
Watch the guy if he dumps his gf and wants more from your wife... just be careful.
It didn't follow his plan. His wife fell in love with me, became friends with my wife. She and I have wild sex. She finally got tired of his bullshit. They had a violent relationship. My wife and I never fought, we talked things out. The other wife left her husband, moved in with us as a V occasional triad. It was very good, until about 5 months in she wanted more of me and to be exclusive and tried to split us up. It ended.
Watch the guy if he dumps his gf and wants more from your wife... just be careful.
My wife is uncomfortable with the situation. They have a connection and are attracted to each other but my wife is unsure of how she feels about the whole thing. If he decided to distance himself from my wife I don't think she would have a problem with it. Perhaps it is naive of me but my concern is for the other couple more so than us.
Thanks for sharing. Definitely food for thought.
Hi Poly42,
I don't suppose there's a lot you can do because it's your wife's relationship with this guy, and she has to make the call. I suppose leaving your wife is not on your list of options, but make no mistake, she is participating in a cheating situation.
With concern,
Kevin T.
I don't suppose there's a lot you can do because it's your wife's relationship with this guy, and she has to make the call. I suppose leaving your wife is not on your list of options, but make no mistake, she is participating in a cheating situation.
With concern,
Kevin T.
If you are not happy being in a poly network with cheating on some of the layers -- you could say so.
You could also encourage your wife to think it out more clearly.
I am hearing...
"Do I want to be dating him while he cheats on his GF with me? No. That makes me uncomfortable."
She took up with a dude that jumped the gun and she's currently his cheating accomplice. If she doesn't like being that? She could stop her own behavior. Stop dating the dude.
She could tell him he can look her up when he's ready to offer her something better than "Be my cheating accomplice." Or she could tell him not to contact her again.
You could comfort your wife. I don't think she sounds like she set out to be a cheating accomplice. Maybe he pulled the wool over her eyes a bit too?
Galagirl
You could also encourage your wife to think it out more clearly.
I am hearing...
"Do I want to be dating him while he cheats on his GF with me? No. That makes me uncomfortable."
She took up with a dude that jumped the gun and she's currently his cheating accomplice. If she doesn't like being that? She could stop her own behavior. Stop dating the dude.
She could tell him he can look her up when he's ready to offer her something better than "Be my cheating accomplice." Or she could tell him not to contact her again.
You could comfort your wife. I don't think she sounds like she set out to be a cheating accomplice. Maybe he pulled the wool over her eyes a bit too?
Galagirl
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It does sound like he is ready to move on. If he and the gf have no ties, marriage, house, children, he may not understand the relationship you and your wife have. He may think she is cheating on you. In a case like this your wife needs you to be the wingman and have a clear head.
It reminds me of a gf I had a long time ago, she was married, tired of his games and lack of attention. after she and I dated for about two years, she would accuse me of cheating. I wasn't, she was younger, hot and loved wild sex... things I needed at the time. I was talking with a friend about it. She told me, Cheating is not your way, but we all look at others through our own eyes and experiences. She is the one cheating....
It reminds me of a gf I had a long time ago, she was married, tired of his games and lack of attention. after she and I dated for about two years, she would accuse me of cheating. I wasn't, she was younger, hot and loved wild sex... things I needed at the time. I was talking with a friend about it. She told me, Cheating is not your way, but we all look at others through our own eyes and experiences. She is the one cheating....
IndieSolo
Active member
If I were you, I would simply say to my wife, "I can't help but see trouble ahead in this situation. Are you really okay with being the mistress of a cheater?" For, after all, she would be conspiring with him in his dishonesty and putting him in the position to keep lying to his girlfriend (which does not allow for his girlfriend to give any kind of informed consent), so your wife would therefore share in some responsibility there. Obviously, there are many people who would be okay with this, since people cheat all the time, but is it really okay with her? Is it okay with you? Does she feel her attraction to this guy merits such a conspiracy (which is basically what it is)? There is also the potential for the girlfriend to find out and go nuts - we never know how crazy and vindictive a person can get. Open up a dialogue with her about it and see if she can get clear on how well it sits with her to be involved with him in this way. Also, let her know how well it sits with you. Does her being involved in such a blatantly dishonest situation affect your relationship with or view of her in any way?
Has your wife and he been sexually intimate with each other, or is it still in the beginning stages and not at that point yet?
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