Yo! From PA :)

[thebizarre]

Hi! I'm somewhat new to poly relationships. I've known that I was capable of loving more than one person since I was 13, but didn't pursue it because it violated social conventions and I was afraid to be slapped with the "slut" label. So I unwittingly became a serial monogamist instead. That lasted until my most recent relationship, when I decided to come out to my current partner as poly.

I've avoided reading up on polyamory and the community for quite some time, thinking I'd strike out on my own and let my experiences shape my mentality. Well, after more than a few... rather intense... relationships, I've discovered that this type of relationship dynamic isn't for the faint-hearted, it's not all sunshine and bliss, and I could really use the wisdom, support and alternate perspectives of more experienced people.

Anyway, I'm a female in my late 20's, into music, art, writing, gaming, cooking, gardening, fashion, travel, and fitness. I'm a pretty odd girl, but I like it - never a dull moment I'm looking forward to posting here and getting to know everyone

 

[DemetreeDot1030]

Jello Bizarre ...my wife & I are from PA as well. Which part of PA are you from? We're a little south of Pittsburgh.

I know what it means when you say people not understanding this lifestyle. When it got revealed to our family what we were pursuing my parents automatically went on this thing that my wife & i were looking for another woman to join us because there was something missing with us ,and we were unsatisfied.

That couldn't be any further from the truth as in reality we look at it as an enhancement. I was okay with my wife finding a girlfriend because she wanted a female companion.

I first started looking at it as i didn't care if this other woman would be my girlfriend too ,or not as i wanted my wife to be happy. Then when after she went on a few dates ,and she found this one woman i realized i liked having the other woman around as well. Not only just the sex ,but the different dynamic having the of us together brought.

Although needless to say that woman didnt work out because she was more interested in my wife than me & my wife wants someone who is going to be with both of us. So we're back to the drawing board ,but we aren't doing this because we need to its because we want to.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings thebizarre,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I posted in your other thread; long story short I think you're making the right decisions so far, but you are also right in deciding it's a good idea to tap into the experience and wisdom of those who have gone before. So joining Polyamory.com was a smart move; dig into our various threads and boards and we'll try to answer any questions you have.

I'm glad you could join us, and hope you enjoy your stay.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

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If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[thebizarre]

Which part of PA are you from?

I'm opposite of yinz, an hour outside of Philly. I've got friends in the burgh, so I visit there a lot n'at

I know what it means when you say people not understanding this lifestyle. When it got revealed to our family what we were pursuing my parents automatically went on this thing that my wife & i were looking for another woman to join us because there was something missing with us ,and we were unsatisfied.

Yeah, that's why I'm closeted about this lifestyle right now. The last thing I need is people all up in my business while *I'm* trying to figure this all out! Only a handful of people in my life know - nonjudgmental folks who "get it." Luckily, my mom is supportive of it, but she always warns me to "be careful."

we aren't doing this because we need to its because we want to.

I haven't decided yet if being poly is a need or a want for me. I think it's a bit of both. It's definitely part of who I am. It would be nice to find someone that my girlfriend and I could both date, but so far, we haven't met anyone we both hit it off with. We have very different physical/personality characteristic preferences. Romantically, she's more mono than anything. She's more interested in NSA/FWB type relationships, while I'm looking for something more substantial.

 

[DemetreeDot1030]

we first thought we were looking for a NSA/FWB when we first started talking about it. We went as far as i discussing different possibilities such as another woman, another couple, or in the most rare occurrence another guy. Our thing was/is we wanted to do it together.

So we started looking into the swinger route ,but the deeper we dug into it we realized that wasn't what we were going for. Then my wife told me she said if we do this it's not just about sex with another person ,but having a relationship with them as well. Which in that case she told me out of the 3 options she was most interested in trying to have a girlfriend.

Once we found the last woman we considered our girlfriend alot of questions started to come up from our family members. Strangely enough my wife's super catholic parents are supportive where as mine who don't follow any religion were more confrontational on the whole thing. We don't believe in being in the closest about who we are ,and what we are doing as we aren't ashamed of it.

Anyhow when you mentioned just PA i kind of figured you'd be from out the Philly area ,or even just Central PA. For such a heavily populated area that Pittsburgh ,and Burbs are it's amazingly difficult to find people from around here lol.

 

[IndieSolo]

When it got revealed to our family what we were pursuing my parents automatically went on this thing that my wife & i were looking for another woman to join us because there was something missing with us ,and we were unsatisfied.

That couldn't be any further from the truth as in reality we look at it as an enhancement.

And what would you offer this lucky woman who is supposed to be there to enhance your marriage? Have you ever considered it in that way? People are not like condiments that get added to a meal.

I first started looking at it as i didn't care if this other woman would be my girlfriend too . .

Oh, that is so generous of you.

. . . that woman didnt work out because she was more interested in my wife than me & my wife wants someone who is going to be with both of us.

we first thought we were looking for a NSA/FWB when we first started talking about it. We went as far as i discussing different possibilities such as another woman, another couple, or in the most rare occurrence another guy. Our thing was/is we wanted to do it together.

Looking for a long-term, serious, loving, committed relationship and requiring that person to be involved with both of you is just about impossible and pretty much destined to fail. I suggest you read these boards some more. Do a tag search for "Unicorn Hunters" and "Couple Privilege" to see the reality of what usually happens in situations where people who, like you and your wife, have tried to search for someone to fit into a predetermined role they had set aside for them to play. Disaster!

 

[thebizarre]

I think couples with this mentality should quit the unicorn hunt and invest in a RealDoll.

You can make her look however you want, keep her hidden from friends and family, and you don't have to worry about her being more attracted to one of you more than the other. She's just an inanimate object to add some spice to your marriage.