Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

Two brilliant messages from a guy in Pakistan (10% match, 95% enemy):
Hi
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This is from my turn now ur turn
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ETA: accidentally clicked to open his profile. It says:
My self-summary
I m caring loving honest for my partner understand her love her :p

What I'm doing with my life
She should be loving caring and understand me also know the modern era she should be good in cooking as i like eating
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Aaww, what a catch!
 
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I was having an ongoing OKC conversation with a guy, trying to keep it on the "getting to know you" type of topics. At one point over the weekend, he asked me about my sex life with Hubby, and I told him it was none of his business, that's between Hubby and me. He apologized, so I figured he grasped the boundaries.

Then last night he asked me to "describe your favorite extramarital affair or sexual encounter."

I said, "I don't have affairs. That implies cheating, and I don't cheat."

He said, "You know what I mean."

I said, "Yes, and I"m not going to answer that question."

He didn't answer again last night. This morning I woke up to: "You're very closed off. I would imagine you're the same sexually. Good luck."

Uh huh. I'm a frigid prude because I won't share sexual details with a total stranger online... *Rolls eyes*
 
I had a similar message.

His first message: there is something about you that is so erotic and compelling

Me: what is so compelling? You could say that to anyone.

Him: But I didn't say it to anyone, just you. But perhaps I was mistaken.


Yeah, I hate sex just because I didn't start cybersexing a horny stranger the minute he told me I was "erotic."
 
I don't cybersex--or even talk about my sex life--online or via text message with someone I know well and am sexually interested in, or even having sex with. A considerable amount of the time, given my past issues, I don't even talk to someone I'm involved with about that kind of thing face to face, unless there's something I think they should know because it would impact our sexual interactions. And the only way I would ever bring up anything sexual between Hubby and me to another partner is if Hubby did something that really revved my engine and I wanted the other partner to do it as well.

Some guys are on dating sites purely to get wank-off material, and they get pissy-toddler-tantrumy when a woman won't give it to them. On the other hand, the guys that are acting that way probably aren't getting laid. Ever.
 
KC43 said:
Some guys are on dating sites purely to get wank-off material, and they get pissy-toddler-tantrumy when a woman won't give it to them. On the other hand, the guys that are acting that way probably aren't getting laid. Ever.
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I agree. I get so many messages from men all over the country and the world, many of whom are low matches with me. What on earth do they want except cybersex? We are never going to actually meet.

I find it especially odd since I am 60 years old. But as someone said upthread, these guys are just sending out mass spam, without reading profiles or even really looking at pix! It's so strange.
 
message today

damn I want to taste every inch of u. while those beautiful eyes watch ;)
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Um. Thanks?
 
Does he want to taste your beautiful eyes too?

The thing I hate most about the cybersex crap is the guys who gear that way assume that since I write erotic romance, I must LOVE cybering and must LOVE talking about my own sex life. They also assume that I must be writing about my own sex life, because of course everyone who writes *fiction* is writing about their own lives, right? Like all mystery writers are serial killers? I got another message along those lines on AFF this morning, but I'm giving the guy a semi-pass because prior to him asking if my romances were autobiographical, he seemed intelligent and hadn't mentioned sex at all beyond saying he enjoys it.
 
It's funny, how guys don't get it, that if they seem interested in you for reasons that aren't sexual, they might turn you on and get sex sooner than they would if they just come on to you completely sexually.

That is what happened with this new young guy I've started seeing, Hippie. We chatted for 3 days about general topics, such as music and travel and cats, before anything sexy started. In fact, I was starting to wonder if he was even interested in something sexual with me, and since I found him really attractive, I finally brought up sex topics! lol

Turns out he's a very good sexual match with me, as I found out when we finally started discussing kinks, and had our first date and first make out session. :p
 
Exactly. I say in my profiles on AFF and OKC that for me, attraction begins with intelligence and a sense of humor. Shit like "Tell me your favorite sexual position" or "Does your husband really satisfy you?" shows neither humor nor intelligence. It shows you're thinking with your dick, to me at least.

I need to feel an intellectual and emotional compatibility with someone before I'm going to feel a sexual one, which means having nonsexual conversations and meeting in person. With both S2 and Boots (so far the only guys I've met online with whom I ended up having sex), nothing sexual was brought up at all in our online conversations...and in both cases, if I recall right, *I* was the one who brought up having sex when it happened. Primarily because each of them showed me he was a man with whom I could connect on a number of levels...and those connections led to the sexual one.

Even with Flip, our online conversations and the hour-or-so conversation in the coffee shop the night we met were completely G-rated, and with him as well, I was the one who started steering toward less innocent topics.

If I'm gonna fuck someone, I want to fuck a human being, not a dick with a dick.

Glad Hippie turned out to be someone you click with so well!
 
So, this message happened:
hey whats up
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Ok. I've received similar messages before. I usually don't reply to them, but nothing out of the ordinary.

About an hour and a half later, according to the timestamps, they said this:
I kinda messaged as was curious about giving you bj
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I... don't know how to respond to that. Even though I've wished many times that women would be more forward or direct with me, it always confuses me when it happens.

There's no picture, and the profile isn't filled in. Unless that changes I'm going to assume something is up and just ignore this very generous offer.

Even if it is just an innocent offer of oral sex, her location says Windsor, Ontario. If crossing the border is involved, I need some sort of assurance this is going to be at least a "pretty good" BJ, because Customs checkpoints irritate me.

KC43 said:
The thing I hate most about the cybersex crap is the guys who gear that way assume that since I write erotic romance, I must LOVE cybering and must LOVE talking about my own sex life.
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I've noticed a similar thing with me. When people know that I'm studying psychology because I want to be a sexologist when I grow up, a lot of times they assume that I want to hear about their sex lives. It doesn't really bother me, but that's different from wanting it.
 
KC43 said:
Exactly. I say in my profiles on AFF and OKC that for me, attraction begins with intelligence and a sense of humor. Shit like "Tell me your favorite sexual position" or "Does your husband really satisfy you?" shows neither humor nor intelligence. It shows you're thinking with your dick, to me at least.
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But the fucking douchenozzles never read the profiles! Argh!

I need to feel an intellectual and emotional compatibility with someone before I'm going to feel a sexual one, which means having nonsexual conversations and meeting in person. With both S2 and Boots (so far the only guys I've met online with whom I ended up having sex), nothing sexual was brought up at all in our online conversations...and in both cases, if I recall right, *I* was the one who brought up having sex when it happened. Primarily because each of them showed me he was a man with whom I could connect on a number of levels...and those connections led to the sexual one.

Even with Flip, our online conversations and the hour-or-so conversation in the coffee shop the night we met were completely G-rated, and with him as well, I was the one who started steering toward less innocent topics.

If I'm gonna fuck someone, I want to fuck a human being, not a dick with a dick.
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I can't *like* these sentiments enough! And that information is out there. Why don't guys know it and act upon this information? I am sure their direct "hey baby, let's fuck" approach never works! But no, they act all clueless and sorry for themselves that they can't find a woman to fuck or have as a girlfriend.

Glad Hippie turned out to be someone you click with so well!
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We sure had a fun date, Friday night. Oddly though, since Saturday morning he is now texting me less. We have a date set for next Saturday. He asked me to meet again before we even parted on our first date, very ardent. Does he think wooing me is over now? He feels he has me in the bag? Or is he just busy at work, working long hours to make more money to be able to afford gas to get to me and bring me beer or weed? (Things that can be difficult for the younger man.) Ugh, those typical NRE anxieties... *rueful laughter*
 
I hear you on the post-date less-texting thing. That was the first problem I had with Boots; the week leading up to our first date, he was texting me or OKC-messaging me constantly. The day after, he immediately answered my text when I got in touch to see if he wanted to get together again that afternoon.

After that... not only did he stop texting me altogether, but he pretty much stopped answering any texts I sent as well. If he hadn't been in such constant contact with me before that date, it might still have bothered me not to hear from him afterward, but it probably wouldn't have bothered me as much as it did.

Hopefully Hippie is just busy and you'll hear from him soon. Meanwhile, it stinks that you're left wondering... but at the same time, it's good to know I'm not the only one who thinks that way!

In other news, though off topic from the thread's purpose, a 29-year-old messaged me on Fetlife this morning. Almost the entire conversation was very respectful; he made it clear he was talking to me with the hope that we might eventually meet and hook up, but he didn't get pushy. He asked what I thought of the, er, penis pic on his profile, and when I said pictures do absolutely nothing for me, he apologized for telling me to look and said he understood. The conversation continued in a flirty-respectful vein for a couple of hours, and when he asked what my favorite sexual position was, I told him.

He said, "I'm gently stroking myself now." I said, "Gentle is probably for the best." (Because it was the only thing I could think of to say other than "Why do you think I give a shit?") He stopped answering.
 
I am cracking up over some of these posts.

I am never overtly sexual, nor do I send dick pics or even have them on any of my profiles, including FL. Since I seek out the kinky ones, the subject of sex usually comes up pretty quickly from them, after the prerequisite small talk. Last night on OKC that small talk was three messages...lol. But in that world it pays to get to the point, lest you waste each others time.
 
For me, even when kink is involved, I prefer not to start talking about sex--or kink--until I actually meet the person. Why talk to them about something I might not want to do with them?

Then again, as I've expressed elsewhere, I sometimes am excruciatingly uncomfortable talking about sex even to someone I'm having it with... being okay discussing it with a total stranger online whose real name I don't even know is not something that's probably ever going to happen.
 
KC43 said:
For me, even when kink is involved, I prefer not to start talking about sex--or kink--until I actually meet the person. Why talk to them about something I might not want to do with them?
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Because often people have certain needs and you may not be compatible. For instance, if I was talking to someone and they said they were not into pain I know we probably would not be a good match. So why talk to them further? Or maybe they are really into something like age play and I'm not. Why waste their time?

Then again, as I've expressed elsewhere, I sometimes am excruciatingly uncomfortable talking about sex even to someone I'm having it with... being okay discussing it with a total stranger online whose real name I don't even know is not something that's probably ever going to happen.
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I can see how that might be limiting for you. I would have thought the anonymity of the internet might make that easier for you. It would be difficult for me to meet someone who wasn't willing to give at least a general outline of their likes and dislikes when it comes to kink. To me that is the equivalent of discussing general vanilla likes and dislikes (non-sexual) to see if we'd get along.
 
On the flip side of your argument... why establish that someone has exactly the same interests I do and get excited about meeting them, only to meet face to face and have as much chemistry with them as I would with a dead fish? I'd rather meet and establish whether there's any chemistry before we decide what to do about it, and sharing interests is no guarantee of chemistry. The first guy I met from OKC after S2 broke up with me seemed, based on our online conversations, to have a lot in common with me, but when we met in person it was one of the most excruciatingly awkward experiences of my life. And I prefer to have at least some level of comfort with someone before I answer questions about kink or sex. That level of comfort isn't going to come from a ten-minute text conversation on OKC or AFF. If we meet and it turns out we don't have the same sexual or kink interests, but we do "click" with each other, maybe we can be friends. Friends are good even if you don't get naked with them.

That said, there's a huge difference between being asked, "Would you be okay with impact play" vs. "Tell me your fantasies about being flogged." The latter is the type of thing I'm talking about. Someone even mentions the word "fantasies" in a conversation with me online, and I know they aren't someone I would want anything to do with. General questions to suss out whether someone's okay with the things you're okay with isn't the same thing, and isn't what I'm ranting about.

Not quite sure why you think anonymity would make it easier to talk about sex. I'm not anonymous to myself. I'm still the one sitting here typing--or, rather, refusing to type--about sex. What the other person thinks of me is completely irrelevant. It's about MY comfort level, MY unwillingness to push myself into an anxiety attack or PTSD episode by crossing too far out of my comfort zone, and MY lack of interest in having explicit conversations with people I don't know. It isn't limiting in the least. It's the way I prefer it. I don't actually want to talk sexually to strangers on the Internet, so why would I be limited by not being able or willing to do so?

Having difficulty talking *to my partners* about sexual stuff can be limiting, but that's something I'm working on. On the other hand, with my partners, the difficulty is at least partly based in what they might think of me, because if they're my partner, their opinion matters to me more than the opinion of Johnny Jack-off on OKC.
 
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I do get where you are coming from. You and I are just two different people in our outlook on things.

Unless a person is a real asshole when I meet them, I can generally get along with anyone. For me it would suck to meet someone, get along great with them, and find them attractive, only to find out we wouldn't be sexually compatible. I don't build things up in my head before meeting. I did that once in an online long distance thing. We talked about everything and I do mean everything, but it ended up going nowhere. Never again. But yeah, general is good. All a girl has to tell me is she's a masochist...lol.
 
I usually get along with people I meet, where "get along with" means I can carry on a civil conversation with them regardless of whether I sense any compatibility whatsoever. But anything beyond that initial face to face conversation requires some sense of compatibility. I have to actually want to be around the guy if things are going to go any further. If our personalities don't mesh, or I feel awkward or uncomfortable with him, or the conversation keeps lagging into unpleasant silence, I'm not going to want to be around him. For me, attraction begins with the mind, not the body.

But other people see it differently. I know men and women who will happily rip off their clothes and fuck someone whether they actually like them or not. Or whether they even know the other person's name. That works for them. It wouldn't for me.

I get what you're saying about being disappointed if you get along well with someone but there's no sexual compatibility. For you, that isn't a good thing, and it's something you try to avoid. For me, I wouldn't care if there was sexual compatibility if I got along well with them; we would just become platonic friends instead of having sex. People I click with are rare, and so are people I would consider friends. I think you're approaching it from the point of view of "we're compatible sexually, let's meet and see if we get along", while I'm approaching it from "I think we'll get along, let's meet and see if we have chemistry and are compatible sexually." I can take or leave sex, so if I meet someone and become nonsexual friends, it's a win.
 
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Ugh. I couldn't imagine trying to have sex with someone I didn't like. I certainly would not go down the S&M road with someone I didn't like. I think that would take me to a dark place I would never want to visit.

I've been thinking about this conversation. My responses are reflective of where I am at in this exact point in time. Normally I wouldn't be so concerned about the kink aspect. At this time, however, I find myself "vanilla-saturated". Sure, I may be missing out on meeting some incredible women, but I need what I need.
 
vinsanity0 said:
Ugh. I couldn't imagine trying to have sex with someone I didn't like. I certainly would not go down the S&M road with someone I didn't like. I think that would take me to a dark place I would never want to visit.

I've been thinking about this conversation. My responses are reflective of where I am at in this exact point in time. Normally I wouldn't be so concerned about the kink aspect. At this time, however, I find myself "vanilla-saturated". Sure, I may be missing out on meeting some incredible women, but I need what I need.
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Vin, I can't do vanilla anymore. It bores me. There has to be some sort of edge besides plain old fucking, or it just feels like there is something missing, and it doesn't satisfy. But it takes a special person to do power exchange or impact play or other kinks I like just right!
 
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