Well, I am out of options...

[countrygirl]

Hello, all. I am seeking help, advice, I don't know what, before I lose my mind. I feel no matter which way I turn, there is no way out, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

My husband and I are in a "triad" with a lady we met seven months ago. She was married at the time, and all four of us were contemplating living together with our children as one big happy family. So that I don't get off track, they are now in the middle of a divorce for a variety of reasons, the least of which was my husband and me.

First of all, ours is not the "standard" triad, if there is even such a thing. My husband and I live in a different state, with our son. Our "wife" lives a state away, and only gets to visit every other week because of custody arrangements with her ex-husband. The weeks that she doesn't have her son, she most of the time comes to the home we were building together, because it gives her calm and inner peace to be here. I cannot blame her for that.

We all talk frequently and make a very concerted effort to make sure that no one is left out of anything, which has been very difficult for me. But for the sake of making this work, I have tried.

Now, my problem. She is a frequent visitor to this site, as well. She recently posted about her being jealous/envious/etc. of my time with my husband. I can understand that, to a degree. We have no control of my husband's work schedule, or when he gets to come home most of the time. Therefore, there are times that my husband and I get to be together when she cannot be here.

When we decided to start this, it was my idea. It was also my idea that we all be on equal footing, i.e., husband, wife, wife. I will admit that this whole thing was not well thought out. We all knew there would be situations and issues to overcome and get through, but at this point, there seems to be no happy medium.

No matter what happens, someone's feelings get hurt, then that is followed by hours upon hours of talking. I understand what the "wife" is currently going through with the separation from her son, and I have tried so hard to make her comfortable throughout this whole process. I have done this at all costs to me and what I have needed.

I read responses to her post that says she needs affirmation before we spend time together. Others have said that she is dealing well with the situation. Another even offered advice that she feels the way she does because of societal beliefs. I can understand each of the responses posted. However, I feel really angry that I had to read it on a "blog" on a website, rather than her waiting until we could all sit down and talk. I feel angry that I am made to feel like a bad person because I get to spend time with the man I am legally married to and have spent the last 4 years building a life together. I am angry that I am made to feel like I can no longer express my love or adoration for my husband in front of her because it makes her feel bad. But I am supposed to be totally understanding when he shows her love and affection...

I know this may sound completely crazy, and I will admit I do get emotional, but I just do not know what to do anymore. We have altered our entire lives to have her in it, and it seems like it is not working. We have invested so much time, energy and money into this. How can it be a sinking ship?!?

I would appreciate any comments/help/advice. I feel like I am drowning.

 

[dingedheart]

Have you learned anything from her postings that you didn't know?

Have you expressed these thoughts and feelings to her before? If not, this could a good starting point for a conversation.

It seems like you're bending over backwards. It might be time to take care of your own needs.

 

[IndieSolo]

Hi there and welcome.

First of all, keep in mind that nothing you do or say "makes her feel bad." And nothing she feels or says can "make you" feel like a bad person. Each of you are responsible for your own feelings, both of which could simply be stemming from your unique perspectives on things. And while she has every right to feel whatever her feelings are, which are valid for her, that does not necessarily mean that she is clearly seeing the truth of the situation. However, it is her truth and she needs to honor that truth in order for her to come to terms with it. But your perspective is equally as valid. And just because she feels the way she does about the relationships she has with you does not mean you have to change your behavior with your husband when she is there. Nor does anyone's feelings, of hurt or upset or anger or whatever, mean the ship is sinking!

Now, I don't know who, or what thread, you're referring to. I may have given her advice or feedback. Would you mind telling us which thread that is (give a link)? That would be helpful for everyone all around in trying to offer feedback and/or suggestions.

I will say a few things only based on your post, for now.

She may have needed a place to get stuff off her chest and work things out -- so she came here. Maybe she needed to hash things out with people who understand poly before she came to you and your hubs to talk about whatever is bothering her. Perhaps she just couldn't wait because it was bothering her so much. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Sometimes we are plagued with thoughts we know do not reflect reality, but we can't get rid of them without a sounding board of some sort, to be able to see them in more light. Or perhaps it is a real problem that neither of you have been able to talk about in any way that resolves it, so she is left to stew about it.

Of course, she might have done better to share with you first, or to show you the thread to get you taking part in it. But it sounds like all the "hours upon hours of talking" have been frustrating for you. You state that it's been difficult, but you've tried. But perhaps your frustration puts a kind of barrier up, so that what she really needs to express, and what you all need to resolve doesn't really get heard. I don't know, that's just a possibility.

One guess-- it sounds to me like perhaps she has not clearly voiced her needs, and you have been bending over backward to try and accommodate what you think she needs, but there's still some dissatisfaction on her part. Maybe you have not expressed what you need, in deference to her situation at home, not wanting to rock the boat with all she's going through, etc. It sounds like you have neglected yourself somewhat, to be accommodating.

Does any of this ring true for you?

 

[countrygirl]

The link to her post: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19612.

We have talked about these feelings in detail before, in fact, just after Christmas. I understand that we each are validated in feeling the way we feel, and I will admit to keeping things on an even keel to try not to further upset what she is currently going through.

I guess my thing is that my husband and I have spent four years building our relationship; she has only been around for seven months. I think by "putting us on even footing" that maybe she expects to be where we are emotionally, and I am sorry, but that won't ever happen. I may be wrong for saying that, but I do not know how else to put it.

 

[countrygirl]

NYCindie:

Thank you for your comments. A lot of what you said does ring true for me. I admit that I am not always the best as expressing what I need, mostly out of fear of being seen as uncooperative, unfeeling, and just plain selfish. But honestly, I have gotten to the point that I really don't care how I am seen, because my needs are not getting met, so that everyone else's can be, and that is just plain not fair.

It is not so much that she made the post. I completely understand why she did it. There are often times that we just simply do not feel we can talk to each other about things, and having someone/somewhere to just put it out there is very important. I am upset that she didn't let me know, I guess, and according to her, "we don't keep secrets."

Thanks again for the insight.

 

[countrygirl]

Dingedheart, thanks for the reply. To be completely honest, I did not think there was any subject that had not been broached between the three of us. I know my reaction to her post was probably not the best, but I am human, just like everyone else.

The one thing that hit me the worst is that she worries about what my husband and I talk about when we are alone. First of all, I don't ask what she and the hubs talk about. I don't ask what they do when they spend time together and I am not here. I think I deserve the same respect. As I stated before, my husband and I have a four-year relationship backing us, and she has only been here for seven months.

I would like to think what I am feeling is normal (whatever the hell normal is), but the more this goes on, I feel like I am teetering on a very thin line, about to fall... and I hate that feeling.

 

[IndieSolo]

Hi countrygirl,

Okay, I read her thread, which I really hadn't before, and I have to say I think you have personalized her issues way too much and are overreacting.

In that thread, it is clear to me that PolyFiTri is not complaining nor unhappy about anything you and your husband are doing. She is not saying she wants anything to change, nor is she saying that she wants to assert herself into any position which would set you aside in any way. She is simply wrestling with her personal "demons," which we all have, no matter how happy a situation we find ourselves in. She sees her relationships with you two as something wonderful, and a valuable learning experience. She clearly loves you both and feels a deep appreciation for what she has with you, and is perplexed by her own insecurities, i.e.:

​

I, fortunately, am not a secondary or thought of in that sense. Our triad, we have learned, is special in that it is as close to equilateral as one can get. We share pretty much everything, a home, child rearing, finances, etc. We make sure we have time together, as well as alone and in couples. We work and flow together much like any normal mono relationship would. We don't have set limits or boundaries. We talk about everything, and do not keep secrets. We consider each of us to be a spouse. We really do have quite a wonderful and amazing relationship. I have never loved or felt this loved by anyone. My love for them both continues to grow more each day. I know where the feelings are coming from, but I don't understand why I'm having so much trouble working past them.

Even though PolyFiTri starts off that thread saying she feels jealousy, it's obvious to me that it is actually envy about the closeness you have with your husband, which makes sense, since she is going through a divorce, and to say that is very tough is a huge understatement. Even though she feels close to both of you, she is grieving.

I can say, based on my experience struggling with my own divorce, no one can truly know how devastating a mindfuck divorce can be until you experience it yourself. It is a loss, full of pain, grief, and conflicting emotions, and that grief is a confusing rollercoaster. In a book I have, called "Crazy Time," about recovering from divorce, the author says that most mental health professionals agree that it generally takes two years for a person to process it and get past all the intensely difficult feelings divorce brings up. It shatters self-esteem and makes one question everything. For me, the first year felt like the bottom had dropped out, and I was dangling there alone, even though I had many loving people in my life. Just to give you some perspective.

I would think that you would have taken comfort in PolyFiTri's last post in that thread where she realized it was envy:

​

I have come to realize I'm dealing with a lot of envy here, some jealousy, a little insecurity and some anger. The anger is not directly related to or caused by either of my partners. I am feeling more envy than anything else. Now I do feel better because I understand what I am feeling and can take steps to deal with it.

So, countrygirl, my question for you is why did you react the way you did? This was her own personal, emotional journey, not an indictment against you or your husband, yet you felt the "ship was sinking" and you were "drowning." Why so sensitive?

Here are a few more questions to get you pondering... Do you feel accused of something? Or unappreciated in some way, even if it's at work or someplace else in your life, so that it's affecting you here? Do you think that her having this inner struggle reflects poorly on all the work you have done? I also wonder what made you think she wanted to usurp you in some way and that you could "no longer express my love or adoration for my husband in front of her."

I find it interesting (and alarming) that you say you wanted from the start for her to be an equal partner, and yet you resent her when you thought she wanted the same emotional closeness you "built over four years" with your husband. What was it that made you feel so defensive about the first few years of your relationship with your husband? Are you unwilling to face the very real possibility that in time she could truly be an equal with the same status in your husband's heart as you (each in your own unique way)? After a long time together, the first four years you had as a head start with him will be a small blip. Do you really want her as an equal, or not? Is equal partnership threatening to you somehow?

 

[bookbug]

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19612.

We have talked about these feelings in detail before. I understand that we each are validated in feeling the way we feel, and I will admit to keeping things on an even keel to try not to further upset what she is currently going through.

You know, when I read her post, I didn't take anything she said as a criticism of you and your husband, in fact, quite the opposite. It sounds to me like she realizes her feelings of envy are unwarranted, and she came to the group in order to get some insight in order to deal with them.

 

[ThatGirlInGray]

However, I feel really angry that I had to read it on a "blog" on a website rather than her waiting until we could all sit down and talk.

I agree with other comments in that I didn't see her post as a criticism of you or your husband or your actions (I'll admit I only read the first post, not the whole thread) but I am totally with you on this part.

I am really careful to let my guys know when I post something about them, whether it's this forum or somewhere else, so it's not a surprise to them and they have an opportunity to respond.

Even if she needed to talk about it specifically before sitting down with you two, to sort out her own thoughts ahead of time, she should have let you know and maybe asked that you not read that particular thread until she had a better handle on her own emotions. (Might change my mind about that second part later. I don't know how I'd feel if I were asked the same favor but I'm hoping I'd respect their need for some time on their own without my input, even if I didn't like it. I'm very much a "Let's deal with this NOW" kind of person and both my loves are "I need time to think about this before I say anything".)

 

[dragonflysky]

My husband and I have spent four years building our relationship; she has only been around for seven months. I think by "putting us on even footing" that maybe she expects to be where we are emotionally, and I am sorry, but that won't ever happen. I may be wrong for saying that, but I do not know how else to put it.

Whoa there... You were the one who stated that the original idea all of you had was to be on even footing. Now you're saying that won't ever happen because you and your husband have spent four years building your relationship and she's only 7 months in. To me, that's like saying that I couldn't possibly ever love one friend as much as another because the first friend and I have known each other longer and worked on our friendship longer. Or, I couldn't possibly love my youngest child as much as my oldest child because I have known my oldest longer and therefore spent more time in a relationship with them. Or, how about, I couldn't possibly love my second husband as much as I loved my first husband because I knew my first husband longer and we were married longer.

BULL CRAP!

I sense a need on your behalf to feel special. Or perhaps it's that when you CHOSE to put aside your needs and feelings to try and accommodate her/them, you're now upset because your needs and feelings haven't been met or given enough consideration to "fill you up." Guess whose problem that is?

 

[AnnabelMore]

Hey, I'm sorry you're hurting.

I see posting here as very similar to writing in a diary. We're all anonymous strangers. We can provide some guidance and feedback, but in the end, posters are generally just trying to get their thoughts and feelings together. Would you have been upset if she had written about difficult feelings in her diary without telling you? If not, why be upset about this? You will never meet us, we may as well be chatbots programmed to respond to keywords with stock phrases like "stay flexible in your expectations" and "reconsider your one-penis policy."

You say you're angry that you had to read about this here, and upset that she wonders what you and your husband talk about when she's not around. My take on that is that the reason she didn't share that with you directly is because she knew it was irrational and unfair, so she wanted to deal with it on her own. I have all sorts of messed up and irrational fears sometimes. Seeking a safe space to release them so that I don't dump the patently sillier ones on my partners seems to me like the loving thing to do. Try to see it that way, and not as an attack. Her working on her feelings means she is actively trying to deal with her issues and become capable of a better relationship with you guys, and that's good, right?

"I have tried so hard to make her comfortable throughout this whole process. I have done this at all costs to me and what I have needed." Now this is a big problem. If you're not taking care of your own needs, if you're crying out on the inside and becoming resentful, how can you expect to have strong, healthy relationships with the others in your life? I would advise you to stop stuffing down your own emotions and needs for the sake of keeping things on an even keel. Be honest even when it's hard; ask for what you need even if it will hurt someone; ask with all the consideration, respect, and caring you can; give your loves a chance to take care of you.

I wonder, as an exercise, in a few sentences each, if you could tell us what your needs are in this situation, what your vision is for the future, what makes you jealous, what is hard for you (specifics), and what you want from each of your partners? Feel free to ignore this bit, of course. You're not in class. But I think it could help to make things clearer.

 

[Phy]

I have to second dragonsky. That part confused me, as well.

I have taken the challenge of a new love also, after being in a relationship 10+ years with my husband. I have to say that, obviously, each relationship is unique and has its own pace, but I wouldn't compare them, or say that one will always be the more deep and important one for me. It's like degrading my feelings for my boyfriend. Love is love. Why would I want to diminish it just because it hasn't lasted as long as the other relationship has? The older relationship has naturally developed more and different things that are important to me, just because it has been around longer, but that doesn't affect the fact that I simply love them for who they are.

I know that many don't do the co-primary thing, but you have explicitly agreed to try it, so saying that you can't picture her in an equal position next to you is kind of nullifying this concept right from the start, leaving her in a really awkward position. Maybe some of her insecurities and problems stem from the unconscious vibe you are sending while keeping this negative attitude in mind.

My husband had expressed the need for being primary (in a primary/secondary arrangement) in terms of his coping with the thought that my 'new' love (actually some years old at that point in time, but never mind) would degrade the importance he bears to me. It didn't take him long to see how unhealthy that wish was for us, and especially for me, because he tried to dictate how I should feel, and act on my feelings, and how the relationship of my boyfriend and me has to be. This highly unfair attitude was off the table after some weeks. (It could have been days, even. He was really fast back then.)

The main factor that caused this uncertainty was the new situation, in which he wasn't exclusive with me any longer, which meant he had to let go of his sense of ownership of my emotions, and me in general. This never meant in return that I was less committed to him, or that my feelings for him changed in the slightest in a negative direction. The opposite was true. I loved him even more for the work he did and the deepened connection we were able to establish.

You have been in this for quite some time. I wonder if this was a problem from the start that hasn't been addressed, or if it just came up after Polyfitri lost her husband and appears now as a greater threat to your relationship with your husband than before. If some of this sounds somehow right, maybe you could talk to your husband first, and try to figure out why you aren't able to feel secure in your relationship.

That's what it came down to when my husband had those problems. He was easily assured after those weeks that I loved him like before and still rests assured to this day that we are on a healthy way and nothing in regard to our feelings for each other has changed for the worse by me having another love in my life.

I hope you are able to find some peace of mind soon.

 

[dingedheart]

It sounds to me like your back-bending efforts were not received in the spirit in which they were given, which has greatly lowered your personal frustration tolerance. 4 yrs does mean something to me. I hear ya. You've probably pulled each other out of the muck more than a few times. I do understand the love argument that others have pointed out. I think the subtle difference is the relationship, not the love. Love is a component of the relationship.

 

[redpepper]

It sounds, to me, like it might be time to renegotiate some boundaries, based on what you've said. Maybe this should back way up and not be as serious. 7 months is NRE time, not life changing, move in, there are now two wives time. I think you might have sold her a bill of goods on that one. To me, it's way too soon to decide such things, and not the appropriate pacing of a poly dynamic. Your reaction to her blog and your claim to your husband now, is why. It becomes threatening and emotionally overwhelming when the NRE ends and everyone finds themselves in a situation where promises were made in haste, in the glow of good times. To me, it's better to just enjoy the NRE and wait for the rest. Wait to come down from the drunk feeling of a new relationship before talking about serious stuff.

If I were you, I would say it like it seems to be, that this has changed to a vee, or at best, an emotional triad. It doesn't seem you and she are partners. I would request an end to all moving-in discussions, have him go visit her for a change, so he can see how she lives, or both of you go. If she is supposed to move in, wouldn't you want to get to know her life more?

Back right up and do some of the hard work for a bit (like her getting her divorce and being on her own for a bit, you working on feeling a sense of your place in your marriage), before continuing further discussions on a future together.

 

[Mintcar]

As the second wife in a triad going on five years, it is my opinion that if you are going to maintain that your relationship is more special and important simply because you and your husband share a piece of paper and four extra years together, then you are greatly misjudging and underestimating the machinations of the human heart. Those things can be inconsequential if two people share an intense connection.

I think that you are being entirely unfair and cruel to, on one hand, give this woman the expectation that she is to be his other wife, and on the other hand, state that she has no right to expect and, in fact, does not deserve the bond you share with your spouse. That is just mean. If you truly believe that, then don't tell her she is to be his wife, and quit this poly business with her entirely. It's cruel, and she sounds as though she is going through enough already, without having to deal with this heartbreaking farce of jealousy.

We have talked about these feelings in detail before. I understand that we each are validated in feeling the way we feel, and I will admit to keeping things on an even keel to try not to further upset what she is currently going through.

My husband and I have spent four years building our relationship; she has only been around for seven months. I think by "putting us on even footing" that maybe she expects to be where we are emotionally. I am sorry, but that won't ever happen. I may be wrong for saying that, but I do not know how else to put it.

 

[Vixtoria]

My husband and I have spent four years building our relationship; she has only been around for seven months. I think by "putting us on even footing" that maybe she expects to be where we are emotionally, and I am sorry, but that won't ever happen. I may be wrong for saying that, but I do not know how else to put it.

For me, when I read that, I didn't see her saying they will never be on equal footing, only that they will not be in the same place emotionally. I am of two minds on that, personally. DH and I have been together 20 years, married 17. There is a lot of history, emotional work, and things we have gone through, worked through together, that a new relationship just won't have. So no, we are not on the same emotional footing.

HOWEVER, I don't think any two relationships are on the same emotional footing. They are two different relationships. That doesn't measure how much you love someone. I love both my men equally in amount (if you are going to try and measure). The two relationships are just different. No, I am not as 'attuned' to DC as I am DH, but that comes with time, and the gap between how long I have known them each intimately is large. Can it be overcome with time? Yeah, sure.

DC is learning more about me faster than DH did. Not because he's a savant, but because *I* have had the time to know myself better, to be able to express myself and my needs, flaws, issues, quirks better.


So... yeah. There's no need to be confrontational. I think people read things and put their own emotional spin on it. Just as the OP did with the "wife's'" post. She saw the negatives, but not the positives. We read things with our own emotional baggage, not with the poster's.

 

[Anneintherain]

I too had responded to her thread. The truth is, that is probably one of the least judgmental or blaming threads I have ever seen anybody write. She didn't want you or your husband to change. She was just owning her own feelings and trying to figure out how she could change so she could better deal with them, and not be hurting you or your husband with her insecurities. I know I'd be glad to have a partner like that when it came time to deal with hard emotions.

I agree with Redpepper that you might want to talk about starting the discussions from scratch, because you read so much into her post. She didn't say you weren't bending over backwards for her. She didn't say she didn't appreciate you or like you. That you read all that into her neutral post, there are obviously some issues that you have to work on. From what you say here, I'd guess it's because you aren't being honest about your wants and needs.

"I have done this at all costs to me and what I have needed." Well, that's the problem. You can't build healthy relationships when you are doing that. So stop giving up things that are obviously important to you. I know you feel like you should give up things because it was all your idea, but you should stop that right now.

You deserve a relationship based on everybody being honest about what they really want and need. If you want to compromise, and give some of that up, AFTER you've been truthful about what would really be ideal for you, then it's less likely you will be resentful about what you have "given up," and likely you'd find that your partners don't want you to give up some of the stuff that you have sacrificed for them.

 

[countrygirl]

I would first like to thank all of you for your responses (and any others that might come). I will admit that when I first started reading them, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I wanted to defend myself, but instead I thought I would try something different. I pondered on each post all day, thinking about what each one of you had said, taking it to heart.

I think I should apologize first to my wife. I should have talked to her instead of blasting all of my feelings here for her to just happen upon, like I bitched about her doing to me. I did it partly out of anger, and it was just the wrong thing to do.

I do not know that I can truly express my feelings for her and how deep they actually go. I never thought another person, besides my husband, would ever get the real me and accept me just as I am. No matter what rolls our way, we withstand it all. And no matter how moody I get, she stands there and takes it all, saying each time she understands why I do what I do.

I will also admit that some of my needs are not being met, but these are not something that I can express to anyone but my husband and wife.

Again, I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart... You gave me the brutal honesty I needed to re-evaluate this. I feel so much better now!

 

[SNeacail]

One thing I really like about this board, is that the people here really want your relationships to work, not matter what form it takes. I can't tell you how much being here and reading advice given to others has helped my marriage, my view on relationships, and dealing with people in general. The members will be honest. Frankly, sometimes it takes an outsider to help us see the forest instead of just the tree trunk we've been slamming into for the last week.

Standing up for what we need is a big part of keeping a relationship working. Our partners aren't mind readers. We have to keep them up to date and in the loop. I'm sure there are some threads out there about expressing your needs, and even help in determining what they really are.

Good luck!

 

[StumblingAlong]

I would first like to thank all of you for your responses (and any others that might come). I will admit that when I first started reading them, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I wanted to defend myself, but instead I thought I would try something different. I pondered on each post all day, thinking about what each one of you had said, taking it to heart.

I think I should apologize first to my wife. I should have talked to her, instead of blasting all of my feelings here for her to just happen up on, like I bitched about her doing to me. I did it partly out of anger, and it was just the wrong thing to do.

I do not know that I can truly express my feelings for her and how deep they actually go. I never thought another person (besides my husband) would ever get the real me and accept me just as I am. No matter what rolls our way, we withstand it all. And no matter how moody I get, she stands there and takes it all, saying each time she understands why I do what I do.

I will also admit that some of my needs are not being met, but these are not something that I can express to anyone but my husband and wife.

Again, I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. You gave me the brutal honesty I needed to re-evaluate this. I feel so much better now!

Thank you, beautiful, but it's okay. I understand why you did it. I understand how you feel about it. I cannot be nor am I mad or upset with you over any of it, or how you feel. I know none of this really matters now, but I wanted you to know I understand.

I hope you know I would not have posted what I did here if we had not already discussed it. I didn't feel it was keeping a secret from you, since we had discussed it and I knew you would see it. If I wanted to keep it secret I would not have posted it where you could find it. You knew how I was feeling. I wanted to work on it. I wanted you to see that I was working on it, and know that I loved you both enough to try to work on it.

Ahhh... Beautiful, I never wanted you to compromise yourself or give up what you needed for me. I would have dealt with it. We, you and I, talked about this several times over the last few months. I have always said that you have been so focused on our needs and giving to us that you were neglecting your own. I never wanted that.

I may be overstepping boundaries here, and if I am, then I apologize. Countrygirl, her husband and I have separated very recently, just to clarify that. Countrygirl and her husband are still together. I am just not with them and they are no longer with me. It was not over this, but due to other matters entirely. I greatly admire them for the courage it took to end our relationship. I know it was not easy for them and I know that they, like I, are hurting right now.

I admire Countrygirl for the work she put into our relationship, and for the personal growth she had during that time. It was not easy for her, but she dealt with it the only way she knows how, head on. She never backed down from anything.

Our relationship is and was the triad dreams are made of. We had what most search for their entire lives. I am blessed to have experienced it. I am blessed to have seen the love between Countrygirl and her husband. Their love is the love you hear of in fairy tales, that is almost never found in real life. I am blessed to have been loved just as deeply by them both. The love I felt for them and from them has set the benchmark for any and all future relationships I may have.

Our relationship was always based on a very deep strong friendship with a connection none of us can explain. That friendship still stands and will always stand. I have a feeling we will always need each other to draw strength and understanding from. We get each other when no one else does.

We have always said that together we can get through anything. Guess what, It's true. Together we CAN get through anything. Even this.