FMF v. MFM disparity?

Mignonne

New member
It might just be my own experience or perception, but it seems like there are way more poly relationships with 1 man and 2+ women than 1 woman with multiple men.

Am I off target? If not, what are your thoughts on the difference between the two?

I've been in a few poly arrangements and oddly (or not oddly?), the most stable one was when I was the only female.

It seems sort of the exception though, I'd like to hear everyone's take on it.

Thanks!
 
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I don't know-I am in a 2M 1F. My sister is in a 2F 1M. LOL

I'm not sure if there is an actual disparity. There IS a disparity in what is shown in media though for certain!
 
I know lots of women who have two male partners. I don't really see many mfm triads but then again I don't know of many fmf closed triad either. Seems there is a lot of couples unsuccessfully looking fir a 3rd female partner. Most of the poly folks I know aren't in closed relationships
 
I have three male partners. I'm either very fortunate or very greedy. Possibly both.

Guy and S2 are both free to see other women; Guy says if he does so it's solely for sex because he's not interested in an actual relationship with anyone other than me. S2 and I aren't at the point yet of defining anything like that, hence him being "seeing where it leads" in my signature. Hubby has already stated his choice to be monoamorous and monosexual with me.

I only know one other woman whom I would say is actually polyamorous, rather than using that word to mean "I get to have sex with everyone". She's been in an MFM V triad for about six years now.
 
I have two husbands and hetero as they come.
 
It depends. I am trying for a loose MFF...F....F.... basically as many bi females that want to join as possible. They can date as many guys as they like. And who knows. I may eventually have other male partners, but right now I only need one.

P.S. oh. And it's just Sam and me now.
 
Well well, this is an interesting group. I am also in a developmental stage with my partner and it seems we are in a delayed... NRE, as it is called here.

His metamour? and I get along really well and are friends. He and I are exclusive and she is not right now, but she is poly-fi amorous? (god this gets confusing)

If I ever wanted another it would probably be a man, but people have told me finding such another would be difficult because I am already with one?

I also like older women :)
 
I'm in a MFM and it isn't a triad. :)
 
I think the male fantasy is FMF but I don't think it's the most stable. I think woman tend to be better communicators and are more capable of managing 2 relationships.
 
I think the male fantasy is FMF but I don't think it's the most stable. I think woman tend to be better communicators and are more capable of managing 2 relationships.

That might be why that particular one went so well, but I don't pretend to know or assume. I've noticed in some cases women tend to crave a lot of affection/attention (not all, of course), so I can see why some might look for another, especially if they are a secondary.

The one I am in currently works fairly well (considering how complex it came about) and it has a lot to do with how well the other girl and I get along.
 
Reading here for the last 2 1/2 years it seems to me that the FMF triad is one of the most sought-after configs (generally straight husband with bisexual wife looking for a bisexual girlfriend for them to "share").

However, on these boards there are a fair number of people who post that are involved in MFM V-type configs (or perhaps I just notice them more as that describes my own household).

JaneQ
 
Reading here for the last 2 1/2 years it seems to me that the FMF triad is one of the most sought-after configs (generally straight husband with bisexual wife looking for a bisexual girlfriend for them to "share").

In our little FFM triad, it's the two F's that were the 'original' couple and who live together: I feel like our situation is really rare. We weren't exactly looking for a male-unicorn, I swear! And we're also not polyfi - he has a live-in partner of his own, and me and my other partner date individually as and when we want. We just sort of stumbled into a triad when it became clear there was three-way mutual attraction.

It sort of annoys me that people we meet in the future who aren't privy to the details of how our group relationship came about might well assume that it started as a her-him+me or me-him+her thing. I don't know why, but it does seem to be the prevailing assumption that it's the hetero pairing plus a girl. Oh well. We can but enlighten folk one at a time! :)
 
In our little FFM triad, it's the two F's that were the 'original' couple and who live together: I feel like our situation is really rare. We weren't exactly looking for a male-unicorn, I swear! And we're also not polyfi - he has a live-in partner of his own, and me and my other partner date individually as and when we want. We just sort of stumbled into a triad when it became clear there was three-way mutual attraction.

It sort of annoys me that people we meet in the future who aren't privy to the details of how our group relationship came about might well assume that it started as a her-him+me or me-him+her thing. I don't know why, but it does seem to be the prevailing assumption that it's the hetero pairing plus a girl. Oh well. We can but enlighten folk one at a time! :)

I think because it so often IS a M/F seeking a F. It is, in our case. I just happened to find the male partner first. But, as in your case, we don't require the triad to be exclusive; she could have her own M or F partners, and share them as she and they liked.

However, when we started the story, we happened to have a mutual gf (mine first, than ours). We told the few people we trusted that it was her and me, than added him, in order to avoid the "male with a harem" story. Unfortunate, but reality.
 
Up until now, I used to think MFM setups were more common than FMF. Now I'm not sure. In order to be sure, we'd have to conduct a survey of all the V's (and triads I guess) in the world -- which is, well, impossible.

I've especially noticed, since starting out on Polyamory.com a few years ago, that turning an MF couple into an MFF triad (hetero male, bi females) is a very popular thing to try to do these days. In fact I feel like a lot of people consider that to be the entire definition of polyamory.

I personally am in a hetero, poly-fi (polyfidelitous) MFM V -- have been for over eight years. On paper it's possible we could add someone and turn into a Z someday, but in practice I don't think that'll happen.
 
MFM V here, and looks like it's gonna stay that way, just out of comfort and inertia.

Years back, I thought a triad was the ideal. I used to tell my one (back then) poly friend that the most likely eventual geometry for me and Woof would be a MFM triad, because Woof is more bi than I am. But we never got there. I briefly flirted with the possibility of letting a FMF triad dynamic develop with a couple, but that was a mistake for me. They weren't interested in openness, and were quite insular and possessive. Over time, important differences in values emerged. I didn't want to leave Woof for that, and I felt they were constantly poisoning the well against him and everyone else I cared about. I dramatically swore off couples after that, but finally what I realized is that I just don't want the expectation or obligation of never having a new lover.

The V feels really natural and stable, to me, at least. Mitch is straight, and I can't see him and Woof ever even being close friends. It seems like N, W, and so on are far more likely than closing any loops by adding new partners. But you never know.
 
Seems there is a lot of couples unsuccessfully looking fir a 3rd female partner. Most of the poly folks I know aren't in closed relationships

This seems to be what Igor wants, for now it is fine, but I don't know that I see it working in the long run.
 
I've been in two MFM vees. One was polyfi with my gf and her other bf, and one was with a married woman and her husband. In both of these I saw the other guy once in a while and while I was never completely comfortable around them I was never jealous of the time they spent together. I think it's a lot more common than many people think.
 
I think I only have 2 male partners now... but still, I might be greedy. LOL

Seriously... I think a lot of whether a triad or V is MFM or FMF or some other grouping of letters, depends on the sexual and/or romantic orientation of the people involved.

If a polyamorous woman is straight, she's probably more likely to have two (or more) male partners. If it begins from a monogamous marriage, one of those partners will be her husband, who has hopefully accepted the situation. An MFM V.

If a poly man is straight, he's probably more likely to have two female partners. An FMF V.

If a mono couple decides to open up to polyamory (or just to an open marriage in which love isn't a factor) and the man is straight and the woman is bisexual, they might share a female partner (an FMF triad). If the woman is straight and the man is bisexual, they might share a male partner (an MFM triad).

Of course, things wouldn't necessarily be limited to three; the additional partner might also have other partners outside the three. It might be an N or W instead of a V.

Many possible combinations and permutations; it all depends on who's involved and what they want.
 
MFM V-ish triad. I have my husband and my boyfriend. We are all bisexual and my boys often hookup, we do have more of a triad dynamic despite us all not living together and them not having a romantic relationship together. I am exclusive to them by choice but they are not to me and I have never asked them to be.
 
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