It was going so well ...

I sent a message yesterday morning. Couple of endearments and "hope you are well"

I stated I wanted to touch base with him on where we stand
I stated I still wanted to continue in a relationship with him
I stated it would be good to communicate what we both need

::::crickets and cicadas::::
 
CarolinaMiz said:
....Since then it seems a bit stilted and there has been no other mention of us all getting together and socializing. Makes my heart ache.

He says we're still good. :confused:
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So......many times people say "we're good" when they don't know what else to say and don't have the wherewithal to discuss everything at the moment. It doesn't mean "we're good," it just means "I can't talk about it right now." Appears that he still can't talk about it - for whatever reason. It doesn't matter and you'll never be able to get inside his head enough to truly know. Your work is to listen to this - listen and make choices that are right for you. Is silence OK with you? For some people it would be, but for some people this would be intolerable. Listen to how he is communicating with you, for he is communicating. You can't change the way he communicates and you can't have enough "conversation" to turn him into a communicator that is more pleasing to you. People generally tell you who they are early on. My experience shows me again and again that it's best for me to really listen to what people say in the early days of a relationship and then make my choice to stay or to move on. People communicate all of the time and he is communicating here for sure. Now what?
 
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I think when he said that - he thought we were good. And we had two meetings? connections? dates? after that. But then when I would ask a question about her - nothing. That's what I kept circling around to ..... Then this past week .... our regular communication dropped off. I think that's when it may have become clearer to him that things were not good everywhere. And it filtered to me.

I get your comments - I'm not arguing or being naive. I have found that no answer (unless there are other circumstances) is an answer. I just wish people were more comfortable saying "I don't know".
 
I am sorry he is not meeting your need for clear communication or timely responsiveness.

I can see where it might be easier for you to bear if he said "I don't know right now" or something. But you aren't getting that kind of communication from him.

So it's on you to figure out what you are up for and not up for with the info you DO have so far.

To me it sounds like you still are not up for being in this polyship with her not really wanting it but going along with it anyway. And now you have another reason -- when something goes wonky, you have to deal with his lack of responsiveness.

That doesn't sound agreeable or any fun to you. :(

I'm sorry.

Galagirl
 
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CarolinaMiz said:
I just wish people were more comfortable saying "I don't know".
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CarolinaMiz said:
.....I suck at confronting emotions and feelings.
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Folks on this forum have heard me say this many times, but it bears repeating here. We always synch up with people who reflect our current inner story. You, he and she have swirled up around the challenge of not only saying what you really mean, but being OK with what you really mean. Wishing he were (or having conversations that steer him to be) clear isn't going to move things along here. What will move things along for you is for you to do your inner work on this issue. The issues that we struggle with in relationships always point exactly to where we will find buried treasure within ourselves. As your ability to allow emotions and feelings increases, you will see this reflected in your relationships and you will not orbit up with people who find "I don't know" difficult to say.
 
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FallenAngelina said:
What will move things along for you is for you to do your inner work on this issue. The issues that we struggle with in relationships always point exactly to where we will find buried treasure within ourselves. As your ability to allow emotions and feelings increases, you will see this reflected in your relationships and you will not orbit up with people who find "I don't know" difficult to say.
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Sounds right to me. A friend and I are discussing some of the challenges I'm having and what this experience is teaching me. One of the truths I know about myself is that I frequently 'know' something - but I haven't internalized it. Logically I can say - I know I have an issue with this - but I don't always know where my disconnect is on dealing with it. And as much as I prefer to deal with logic - I am *not* always rational.

Rationally I know wanting this to resolve the way I want it to may not happen - meaning we can wipe that conversation out and go back to what it felt like before? Yeah. It may not be the best thing for me if it does resume because this situation has pointed out some important needs I have and need to recognize and respect. I deserve to be in a relationship(s) where my needs are taken into consideration but I don't want to push my needs over anyone else. Could it change? Maybe. Maybe that type of relationship is a fantasy. I don't know.

Right now - I am going to make cookies and work on homework (in school again) and listen to the rain and watch my hummingbirds and try not to think too much about it. Thank you for listening and the advice! :)
 
Well - I made cookies that night - ate most of the pan within two days - so THAT helped immensely.

Did I mentioned we did the "missyou - missyoutoo" dance?

Yeah. Had some more talks with a friend and reading here and saw him change is his OKC profile from poly to looking for a special women (half his answers were changed to marriage and non-open - the rest still have the ones he had from the beginning about being in a poly relationship - wanting to see other people, etc ....)

ANYWAY - I sent a note saying basically - I don't know if you miss me or you just don't want to be the bad guy here and make it clear you are pushing me away. I miss you. I think of you. I had hoped we would be having more communication. Told him I am continuing to explore and grow into more awareness of who I am and what I want and exploring the poly and kink community - but I expected that to be with him. Not feeling so great. Told him I was not rushing into anything with anyone else and the people I had talked to were great and nothing dangerous (he had been concerned I would explore something with someone not trustworthy). :rolleyes:

Hoped he was feeling better - some comments about items in his life - closed.

He's looked at my profile 2-3 times. Still crickets.

Maybe I'm not reading this correctly - but I think we're done? Anybody have a different view?

damnit
 
CarolinaMiz said:
Maybe I'm not reading this correctly - but I think we're done? Anybody have a different view?

damnit
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Sure sounds done to me. Well, you only dated him a few weeks, right? At least that makes it easier. Don't waste anymore time wondering about him and hoping for things to happen. He's not even courteous enough to reply and let you know he's not interested anymore. Move on with your life.
 
nycindie said:
Move on with your life.
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YEP

Have a planned meeting for tomorrow. So far we've kept it to coffee and conversation but I wonder what he'd do if I stopped sidestepping the suggestive comments .... he already knows I've been holding back because this other situation had ticked me off so badly.

HHmmmm time to take a breath and look forward. Thank you all! :D
 
Sorry things turned south like that. Me personally I think I'd feel uncomfortable pursuing anything with that guy when his other girlfriend was so very against it.
 
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