Could I really be that naive?

V

Vendividiamavi

New member
For some reason I feel the utmost faith in my ability to handle my love dating other people. I feel the utmost faith in our communication skills, as they have been reaching insane levels of intimacy since we decided to go poly. We've been in a general state of agreement and happiness(strictly) within our relationship that has made me wonder how I thought I loved this person when I was angry over who they even flippin snapchatted.

Part of me is actually really excited for her to find someone else to connect with. We have such a common outlook on life, we look for decent and loving people, how could I not at least be cordial and have a good time with any potential metas? The family aspect as me filled with joy just in thought alone. Multiple people living together on such an intimate level is the holy grail of all lives. I know it won't work out that way and there will be jealousy down the road, I'm just sure me and my partner have a good enough understanding that we would be able to communicate and work on it. IM EXCITED FOR THE FIGHTS. I'm excited to learn and grow. I'm excited to be wrong and to better myself through experience. I've lived in the Christian/monogomy/pleasure is sin life and I want to take the steps towards true understanding of who I am, not who my twisted mother wanted me to be.

We're young, and we love each other. Now is the best time to explore who we really are. We've found someone to be with for the rest of our lives, the rest is trial and error. Now for adventure, it doesn't need to cease when you find love. There's love out there find, its just about being responsible.

I don't know part of me is afraid I'm naive by how well I took to the concept
 
Yeah the internet has never been filled with people interested in helping me before so hey. We can figure this stuff out on our own, though it would have been nice to have insight from those of a wiser standpoint. I saw this site as a great way to talk to people about their past and present problems with relationships, help them and possibly learn some good lessons along the way.
So I'm going to look elsewhere, this may or may not be my last post here. Peace be with you
 
Hey, chill. It's only been an hour. Those who have read just don't have any insight on your particular situation. Also, besides your heading you didn't ask specific questions, so what kind of answers are you really looking for?

Are you naive because you're enjoying the process unfolding? Because you sound pretty content with how it's all going. No one can actually answer that question. It's too subjective.
 
It's more so a lack of response to the questions in my other post that pretty much every practicing polyamorous person would have an answer to. I am sorry if I'm a little annoying with all my questions and such but I thought those would be the best questions to ask to learn better for myself
 
Look this post seemed pretty content. For whatever reason people tend not to respond to 'happy' threads as much. You're happy. What is there to say?

And knock that entitled crap off. No one on this forum or anywhere owes you any advice. People here are generally really kind and want to help people. But we have lives and interests. Responding to you or anyone else is a bonus.

Finally do the work yourself. Do a tag search for 'metamour'. (Click Search near the top towards the right. Click tag search when drop down menu appears. Enter terms and see what comes up.) I assume that was the one you were whining about as it got no responses? There are likely thousands of threads about dealing with metamours, being a metamour and so on. Go read them. They will answer many of your questions. Your question is not unique and has been answered in many ways, many times. Questions that have been asked and answered over and over tend to get ignored because a simple search would have given you many threads to read.
 
Glad opalescent was here to respond and talk with you, Vendi. I'm not sure what you're asking about in this thread. This forum works best if you hang around and become part of the community. Read posts from others, help out where you feel you can, toss out a few questions of your own. There are a lot of us here. There also are quite a few people who come from a religious background and are discussing the unique perspective and challenges that come with it.

Participation is what makes this community satisfying. I really wish that more newcomers would come here with the intention to join in on the community and not just get a fix on their questions, only to be off with the setting sun like the High Plains Drifter.
 
Entitled and needy much?

I am sure the majority of the active members here on the boards are like me busy living our lives. I am busy juggling two husbands, two kids, a gaggle of pets, running two households, working full time with hellish, hours, running errands.

I do not have the time to answer rambling threads with no point to them. Use the search function it is your friend.
 
Vendividiamavi said:
It's more so a lack of response to the questions in my other post that pretty much every practicing polyamorous person would have an answer to.
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I found another thread from you and it is filled with thoughtful, lengthy responses from long time members here. Not sure how you get "lack of response" from that.
 
"Every practicing polyamorous person"... huh?

Not knowing for sure which thread you're referring to with that, it might be helpful if you kept in mind that there really isn't much of an "every" in polyamory. There's no "one true poly way." Every person who practices polyamory YOUR way might have an answer, but I'd be willing to bet that there's a pretty big group of people who DON'T practice your way.

And yeah... people have lives. Sometimes I come on here and read threads but don't have time to respond, so I make a mental note to come back later. Sometimes I'm reading the forum on my phone, and I generally won't respond to threads when that's the case because I make too many typos. Sometimes I just don't have an answer. You might not be getting the immediate responses you think you deserve, but that doesn't mean people here aren't helpful. It means you're expecting too much.
 
Vendividiamavi said:
Multiple people living together on such an intimate level is the holy grail of all lives.
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All lives??? NO. NOT the "holy grail" for many!

Vendividiamavi said:
Yeah the internet has never been filled with people interested in helping me before so hey. We can figure this stuff out on our own, though it would have been nice to have insight from those of a wiser standpoint.
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Seriously? You are whining about not getting a reply only one hour after posting? Do you realize this is an international forum with people in every time zone, who have busy lives, and don't always login here every day? Perhaps your post hadn't even been read by anyone who could offer any kind of response to your musing, which didn't seem like you wanted a response at all, anyway. What are you asking for??? It's hard to tell.

Jeez, really.
 
In answer to your question - you probably are that naive. Most people are when they are very young. Those of us who are lucky enough to live in parts of the world where we have easy access to food, water and shelter, choices about jobs, are free from threats of bombs, torture and starvation and are able to make changes in our lives tend to stay that way.

We have the luxury of being able to change our minds about life, about what we believe in and about who we share our time with. We do. All the time.

It may be that you have found a person who you love now and who changes and explores their world in ways that are compatible with staying with you. You may do the same with them.

It may equally be that you find things change. One or both of you may decide that poly isn't really your thing. That you prefer swinging or monogamy. One of you may even find that you change your view on your own gender or on how attracted you are to people of your own gender.

One of you might want to live in a big, poly family all sharing a house. The other may want to run screaming from that sort of setup. Or - you might both be attracted to it and then one may change their mind, preferring to go away from home to visit other partners.

Being naive enough not to know is a lucky, lucky way to live IMO.

I keep on hoping that I can stay that way for the rest of my life.
 
Vendividiamavi said:
Yeah the internet has never been filled with people interested in helping me before so hey. We can figure this stuff out on our own, though it would have been nice to have insight from those of a wiser standpoint. I saw this site as a great way to talk to people about their past and present problems with relationships, help them and possibly learn some good lessons along the way.
So I'm going to look elsewhere, this may or may not be my last post here. Peace be with you
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I'm not sure how long you've been hanging out on this board, but it moves a lot slower than the average FB group but has far more thought-out and lengthy discussion. It's a reasonable trade-off, but you have to be patient.
 
Hello Vendi,

My apologies for not getting to this thread and other threads sooner. I was away from my computer for over a week and I am in the middle of the long tedious process of trying to catch up. It's not easy. For me.

If there is a particular thread or particular post you'd like me to respond to, please post a link on this thread leading to that post or thread, and I will follow the link and prioritize my response to it.

I suppose one is naive just about anytime one expects everything to be great about something, whether that something is polyamory, mountaineering, charity work, space travel, show biz, or whatever it may be. There's no way to really know and appreciate what will suck about something until you actually experience it. And there are many good and worthwhile things that suck at times. You said you're excited for the fights. You probably won't be so excited once they happen, but at least you'll have some confidence in knowing you can work through them.

Polyamory is an exciting thing that has taken root in our world. It's also a world of unknowns. Even the poly experts are mere beginners. We don't understand a lot about polyamory. So, we all have days when we struggle, when we say, "This sucks," and we don't know how to fix it. One of the reasons we have a forum like this is so we can put our heads together and troubleshoot as a team.

I suppose a little naivety is good. If all one had was fear ... "God polyamory looks scary" ... many of us would have probably run for the hills when it was that or adopt polyamory into our lives. And that would have been a shame, because polyamory really is worth the while -- for people as individuals, and for the world as a whole. (Of course polyamory isn't right for everyone, but.)

Does that make sense?
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I am very new but would have to agree that patience is the key. People have very busy lives and sometimes when I post a question it takes a day or so to see many responses, but the responses I get are quality and heartfelt. I think the key to this group is to be here as much as you can and just keep posting. The more you post, the more the members can see that you are real and not trolling. Just hang in there!!
 
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