How to know

River said:
I think the desire (and certainly the need) for non-sexual (platonic) cuddling is vastly greater than the experience of it is. (Jimi Hindrex died far too young to have been very much experienced.)

Most people very literally don't know what they are missing, and organized Cuddle Parties will not help them very much, except to give them the faintest hint of possibilities with dear friends (who are not also lovers).

I, my friends, am very experienced.:)
Click to expand...

I have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE for platonic cuddling with anyone except my dog, my husbands, and my children.

I do know what I am missing. I do not like strange people touching me period. I am not touchy feely with my friends. I have to like you one hell of a lot to greet someone with a hug. Even with family we are not a physical bunch. Butch jokes we hug do three pats on the back then resume our physical bubble. My family is of German and English decent. It is not apart of my culture nor welcome.
 
See? This is just one of the hundreds (thousands) of specific ways in which people differ.

I certainly don't cuddle with all of my platonic friends! just the very special ones whom I love in a big, though platonic, way.

There are lots more folks like me than most people imagine, as we tend not to talk about it much. I'm just a blabbermouth. :p
 
I am not sure non sexually cuddling would be something I could do. Not that cuddling would be part of the routine, but that I am not sure I could do that with someone I would not be comfortable having sex with. Have not really even thought about it I guess.
 
I'm not much of a cuddler.
 
trallart said:
I am not sure non sexually cuddling would be something I could do. Not that cuddling would be part of the routine, but that I am not sure I could do that with someone I would not be comfortable having sex with. Have not really even thought about it I guess.
Click to expand...

I feel so very blessed that I've learned to open myself up to cuddling with friends. It's such a wonderful, delicious way to share affection and offer mutual nurturing and healing. I recommend it highly.

Something happens when we open up to non-sexual cuddling which is similar to what happens when we open up to being naked together in groups -- such as at a hot tub, hot springs, swimming ("skinny dipping") or "nudism".... Just as those who open up to "public" nakedness begin to drop the association of nakedness with sex, those who open to cuddling drop the whole sense of cuddling as something likely to lead to sex or romance.

The good news is that it does nothing to reduce the sexiness of nakedness or cuddling when we WANT it to have that association. It simply frees us up to have other very interesting and nourishing experiences.

I'm not into the "cuddle party" sort of thing where strangers cuddle. There are lots of things I'd not want to do with a stranger, and that's one of them. But I can make friends very quickly! ... I only cuddle with friends. Or lovers.

It's amazing how many people will do crazy, adventurous stuff like jumping out of air planes with parachutes or sky diving ... who find the idea of cuddling with a friend "way out there". Oh, if only they knew. But you can't explain it. It has to be experienced.
 
I'd much rather go to an orgy than cuddle with a friend. I'm not sure that cuddling makes a person more "open" or a "pioneer." It's just a preference. I think that brussels sprouts with mustard sauce are delicious, but that doesn't make me more "pioneering" than most people who won't go near them.
 
Last edited:
FallenAngelina said:
I'd much rather go to an orgy than cuddle with a friend. I'm not sure that cuddling makes a person more "open" or a "pioneer." It's just a preference. I think that brussels sprouts with mustard sauce are delicious, but that doesn't make me more "pioneering" than most people who won't go near them.
Click to expand...

Wow, F.A., I'd not have expected such barely concealed judgmentalness from you, of all people. When I used the word "open to" in my recent post, I was referring to a process which anyone who has not experienced non-sexual cuddling with a friend would probably need to go through to get to the comfortable, relaxed place where the whole thing is desexualized and removed from a romantic feeling-context. I DID not imply that those who are experienced with this are generally or otherwise "more open" than other people who have not. Nor did I say anything about being a "pioneer".

Your response feels judgmental to me because you seem to be projecting presumptions upon me that I never expressed. The tone feels to me like "You're not better than me". But I never claimed to be better than anyone. So, yes, true. I'm not better than you. Get over it.

If you were to have brussels sprouts with mustard sauce and say "It's delicious," and I'd never tried it, I may go out and give it a try. I would not have thoughts about how "pioneering" you imagine yourself to be, or presume you to imagine yourself "more open" in some general sense.
 
Last edited:
I don't know about mustard sauce, but Brussels sprouts are great in butter sauce. :cool:
 
kdt26417 said:
I don't know about mustard sauce, but Brussels sprouts are great in butter sauce. :cool:
Click to expand...

I'm not a huge fan of Brussels sprouts, which strike me as a bit on the bitter end, but I'm looking forward to trying them with mustard sauce, which may help by adding tang! Yum!
 
River said:
Your response feels judgmental to me because you seem to be projecting presumptions upon me that I never expressed. The tone feels to me like "You're not better than me". But I never claimed to be better than anyone. So, yes, true. I'm not better than you. Get over it.
Click to expand...




River said:
I suppose I am a kind of trail blazer, among trail blazers. We are the cuddly ones who are delighted to have non-sexual and non-romantic cuddle buddies ... as well as sexual and romantic cuddle buddies. We prefer to cuddle with our closest friends -- regardless of sexual orientation and all of the popular notions and assumptions that somehow cuddles are "supposed" to be "foreplay".
Click to expand...

River said:
It's amazing how many people will do crazy, adventurous stuff like jumping out of air planes with parachutes or sky diving ... who find the idea of cuddling with a friend "way out there". Oh, if only they knew. ...
Click to expand...

OK, well, these passages kinda sounded like you're claiming that cuddling with friends is more evolved or something along those lines. You're right, you didn't say "pioneer," but "trail blazer," which rather infers that you're ahead of the rest of us. I wouldn't say that I was being judgmental or telling you that cuddling is wrong. I just took issue with the inference that cuddling is somehow further advanced and that people who aren't into it are missing out because we're unwilling to question popular notions.
 
Last edited:
FallenAngelina said:
I just took issue with the inference that cuddling is somehow further advanced and that people who aren't into it are missing out because we're unwilling to question popular notions.
Click to expand...

We're probably both talking past one another.

If I say I'm a "trail blazer" (which I most certainly am in some arenas), these words are not meant to suggest that those who are not also blazing that same trail are "behind" and need to "catch up" with the trail blazers.

In other words, there is no presumption on my part that just because I'm learned and talented in some things EVERYONE ELSE should be as well, and those who are not following that trail are "behind" in some general sense.

If I were a saxophone player who happened to be an innovative "trail blazer" in my little nook of the jazz world, and you were a specialist in educational psychology, I'd not presume you should first learn my "trail" in jazz saxophone in order to be a competent human being and worthy of your expertise in educational psychology.

In other words, you as an expert in educational psychology may be just as much a "trail blazer" in your field as I am in mine -- and there's no reason to assume one of us is further along "the trail". There is no The Trail. There are these many trails. And, as human beings, we can all learn from the trail blazers ... provided we're interested in taking a journey down their trail of inquiry and discovery.


....


A "trail blazer" in my usage is a person who explores a topic, subject or experience... outside of the familiar. That's ALL. Nothing more.
 
Last edited:
I cuddle with my cats. Does that count?
 
FallenAngelina said:
I just took issue with the inference that cuddling is somehow further advanced and that people who aren't into it are missing out because we're unwilling to question popular notions.
Click to expand...

I'm certain that rock climbers and sky divers (etc.) know plenty of amazing things I don't know about because I don't do that sort of thing. In their way, they are CERTAINLY more advanced in their knowledge and insight about certain things than I am -- because they have experience of it and I do not.

I deeply respect those who have blazed trails into worlds I'm likely never to experience myself (such as these two examples). Each of us must choose from the millions of paths we feel drawn to explore. None of us can explore them all, or will want to. I plan on trying Brussels sprouts with mustard sauce very soon, and would love to hear your recipe for the sauce. Really!
 
No; we have clippers for trimming their claws. ;)
 
I was about to say I was a "cuddling connoisseur,' which to me-- prior to looking up "connoisseur" in a dictionary -- was to mean "one who has a deep interest, passion and interest in the thing for which they are a connoisseur"....

But the American Heritage Dictionary spoiled it for me. It says ...
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/connoisseur

But the Online Etymological Dictionary was of some aid to me.:

connoisseur (n.)
1714, from French connoisseur (Modern French connaiseur), from Old French conoisseor "an expert, a judge, one well-versed," from conoistre "to know," from Latin cognoscere "to know, to become well-acquainted with," from com- "with" (see com-) + gnoscere "recognize" (see notice (v.)).

cognoscere "to know, to become well-acquainted with,"

The "cognoscere," then, is not a ruling authority or judge, but one who has become familiar with something. He or she is not telling others that they are less than, or wrong.... They are speaking from their own experience.

It is in this way that I am a connoisseur of cuddles. I'm not an authority on the subject. But I am familiar with cuddling with those who are not lovers or romantic partners. And merely because I'm not an authority is no reason for me to be dismissed as a crank or a fool. Try it with mustard sauce. :p
 
Last edited:
FallenAngelina said:
River, how about if we shake hands and call it a misunderstanding?
Click to expand...

That would be fantastic.

It would not be cuddling, but hey, at least it is touch! :)

How do I make mustard sauce?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top