Locked in Indecision about secondary partner

P

PseudoBiPolynewb

New member
Hello, all. So I am new to this lifestyle and the guidelines for such a relationship. My secondary partner is a coworker, and though I love my husband, the coworker is someone I am attracted to on an emotional and physical level.
Initially I had been dubbed "gf" (the coworker has 2 others), but then after our first time having sex, the coworker clarified via text that the role they would fill would be "sex or play partner.
I will save I have been treating them the same way I would a significant other, minus actually going on dates and things. Due to holidays we haven't seen each other in person since 12/18, but I have a new complication.

The husband and I, previous to easing into poly, were trying to get pregnant. I had started to question whether babies were the right choice, but too little, too late because I am now pregnant.

I'm not sure how to break the news to my secondary partner. I'm afraid that he will walk away if he is not interested in sex with a pregnant woman, and also that our friendship at work may suffer (obviously the poly life we lead is not known at work).
I know honesty is the best policy, and I am waiting to talk in person. I'm just not sure how to be delicate about this at all.

Help or advice?
 
PseudoBiPolynewb said:
I'm not sure how to break the news to my secondary partner. I'm afraid that he will walk away if he is not interested in sex with a pregnant woman, and also that our friendship at work may suffer (obviously the poly life we lead is not known at work).
I know honesty is the best policy, and I am waiting to talk in person. I'm just not sure how to be delicate about this at all.

Help or advice?
Click to expand...
Can't really see any other option for you than just tell him and see how he reacts. Don't know if there is any delicate way to do it at all.

Waiting to see him in person sounds like a sensible decision. I'd advice you to tell the news before having sex with him the next time. If he is not interested in sex with you then that is his choice, nothing much to do about it. Just, some men are very turned on by pregnant women - he could be either way.

It is always a risk to start a relationship with a co-worker. But, I'd say your friendship at work will suffer a great deal more if you are not honest about your pregnancy now.

Good luck!
 
Hi PseudoBiPolynewb,

I'd say simple and straightforward is the way to tell him. Just say, "I need to let you know, I am pregnant." He's going to figure it out eventually anyway, right? Best tell him right away, or as soon as you get a chance to tell him in person.

I hope it goes okay. Let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hey all!
It went really well! One of his girlfriends is 3 months also, so he's fine with the continuation as long as I am. So win!
And I did take the advice and tell him before sex. And then we had a mind blowing, fun time! ;)

Phew!

In other news, hopefully I'll be going for a medical confirmation appt tomorrow when the husband is off work! So yay!
Husband, partner, and a baby! (The American Dream!)
 
Nice! :D Glad it went well!

Hopefully you'll stick around here on this forum. Always nice to have new members!

I have just read the book "Polyamory and pregnancy" by Jessica Burde. Me and my husband are trying to conceive and even though we had things pretty well sorted out, the book had some good points in it that I had not been thinking about. So I'd recommend it for you as well!
 
PseudoBiPolynewb said:
Hey all!
It went really well! One of his girlfriends is 3 months also, so he's fine with the continuation as long as I am. So win!
And I did take the advice and tell him before sex. And then we had a mind blowing, fun time! ;)

Phew!

In other news, hopefully I'll be going for a medical confirmation appt tomorrow when the husband is off work! So yay!
Husband, partner, and a baby! (The American Dream!)
Click to expand...

Good luck with all that. Your bf is going to be busy with 2 newborns on his hands. Get all the sex you can now. :eek: :rolleyes:

No, but seriously, I am happy for you. Congrats!

Nadya said:
Nice! :D Glad it went well!

Hopefully you'll stick around here on this forum. Always nice to have new members!

I have just read the book "Polyamory and pregnancy" by Jessica Burde. Me and my husband are trying to conceive and even though we had things pretty well sorted out, the book had some good points in it that I had not been thinking about. So I'd recommend it for you as well!
Click to expand...

Oh, I didn't know a book entirely about this topic had come out! That's great. Well needed. Tips for pregnant while poly, AND for arranging to live with babies and kids in a poly tangle, I hope?
 
Magdlyn said:
Oh, I didn't know a book entirely about this topic had come out! That's great. Well needed. Tips for pregnant while poly, AND for arranging to live with babies and kids in a poly tangle, I hope?
Click to expand...
Yes, it has a lot of tips and food for thought for all that. From planning a pregnancy, dealing with an unexpected pregnancy to preparing to live with babies and kids... a good read!
 
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