It's a Texlahoma Story

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

Personally, when I believed in God, I also believed he gave us brains for a reason and we should use them in examining our capacity for handling situations and not knowingly put ourselves in situations we can't handle.

Amen! (Ok, it's a tongue in cheek amen from a non-religious chick, but you get the idea )

But, to be honest, I don't think a lot of my gender could be trusted on regular birth control. "Oh yeah, I've been taking all my pills, we don't need condoms." Sorry guys, I'm one of you and even I would at that.

Now, this BAFFLES me... The idea that guys would be nonchalant about pregnancy risk. I obviously take a shitload of precautions, but honestly, what lets me sleep at night is knowing that if an "oops" happens, it's *my* call whether to continue the pregnancy. As I guy I would be even more paranoid about accidental pregnancy, because I would have to live with whatever decision my partner made. I'm obviously a big fan of the person with the fetus inside her body making any and all decisions by herself, if she so chooses ... But damn, as a guy that would terrify me.

"Only have sex with people with whom you 100% agree about how to handle a pregnancy" is a piece of advice I see floated around a lot. But none of us really know what we'll feel until it happens. Even me

It's interesting to me that we nonmonagamous folk talk soooo much about STI risk, but are quieter about our pregnancy worries. I'm glad to learn Dag and I aren't the only weirdos who had the birth control talk on our second date

 

[OnceAndFuture]

I wouldn't be nonchalant about accidental pregnancy either. But in my experience (and the experience of most people I've talked to), most men don't care too much. They see pregnancy as the woman's problem.

I don't understand it either.

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

Pregnancy as a women's problem... Ugh.

Now, I know a lot of single moms who do a waaay better job at parenthood than most couples... But being a single parent is a special kind of hard. And I get a special kind of angry at dudes who create children without thinking through the consequences and taking responsibility.

For anyone interested in the sociology of it all, these are great:

http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Best-Ca...g+the+best+i+can+fatherhood+in+the+inner+city

http://www.amazon.com/Promises-Can-...456839264&sr=8-1&keywords=promises+i+can+keep

Edin's hypothesis on "deadbeat dads" is that most men genuinely want to parent their kids, but political, cultural, and economic factors create barriers to the formation and maintenance of father/child bonds in situations that don't follow the married-parents-plus-kids model.

Her book on young single mothers basically changed the entire way a lot of organizations provide services kids and families. It was the first research I'd ever read that truly matched what I was seeing in my day to day work. Definitely worth the read!

 

[Hannahfluke]

I agree that I wish there was a middle ground for male birth control between removable barrier and "permanent." That would lead to a bit more flexibility. But, to be honest, I don't think a lot of my gender could be trusted on regular birth control. "Oh yeah, I've been taking all my pills, we don't need condoms." Sorry guys, I'm one of you and even I would at that.

There's been news articles for the last 5 or 6 years that talk about a new male birth control that I think Japan has developed. It's a shot that contains something that would block the tubes that sperm comes through and then there's a second shot that reverses the effects of the first one. It's been years since I read the article, but that's the general jist of what I remember. I know a lot of men I know wish it would get approved here.

 

[IndieSolo]

I always knew I never wanted kids. I always knew it was an enormous responsibility to be a parent and that I was just not cut out for it, nor inspired at all by the idea. I also come from crazy, and didn't want the risk.

When I was 27, I asked my gynecologist back then about tubal ligation. She advised against it, in case I "changed my mind someday" -- despite the fact that by then I'd already had two abortions (and experienced no guilt or bad feelings at all over either one) and told her I'd adopt if I ever wanted kids. Then a friend told me that elective surgery is an awful lot to put your body through when you really don't need it, and she kind of scared me. Sigh. I spent so much money in my life on IUDs, diaphragms, spermicide, ugh -- having my tubes tied would've made things so much easier. I never was on the pill because I am completely unreliable about taking pills.

I just will never understand the obsession people have with producing offspring.

When I first heard the term "child-free by choice," I rejoiced. Now I had a something very clear and succinct to say to someone when they looked at me with pity because I was "childless." I would interrupt them and say, "Excuse me. I'm not childless. That word implies that I'm missing something, but I'm not missing anything. I am happily child-free by choice and wouldn't have it any other way." The other thing that irks me is that when you tell someone you're child-free or didn't want kids, they often will ask "Why not?" But if you tell them you want kids, nobody asks "Why?"

Meanwhile I think the latter question is the one that makes much more sense to ask. Not enough people stop and think about WHY they want to get preggers. They just do it because they're "s'posed to" or their family expects them to. Part of the relationship escalator/marriage package. And those are not adequate justification for bringing another human being in the world.

Thankfully, btw, I entered menopause almost six years ago and no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. The most happy sound to my ears was when my current gynecologist told me, "you're not fertile anymore."

 

[Evie]

Hi all, and thanks GirlFromTexlohoma for having this topic on your blog.

I'm another childfree by choice person and have battled with contraception choices since my best working pill (Minulet) got taken off the market as a too-dangerous third generation pill about 7 years ago. Now, sometimes, I struggle with quite bad PMS (more like PMDD), so I have another pill I can use for a few months if it starts to get overwhelming, but I don't tend to do that unless absolutely necessary.

I've also had a doctor tell me to naff off (nicely though) when I asked about tubal ligation (I think I was 28 or 29 at the time).

Happily, for contraception, I'm getting to the age where most potential lovers are already snipped as either completed families or childfree themselves. (And to bring this right back to the blog - this is a conversation I have with people very, very early on, hence knowing the above. I've never found it an awkward conversation to have. About the harshest thing replied is, "each to their own").

Of course there's always the chance I can't even get pregnant, because I've never tried or had an accident, so I just don't know. And I'm 38 next month, so my chances are also diminishing. Sweeeeet. Actually got tested for early menopause the other month, but can't really afford to go and get the results back now. It was a part of a whole bunch of other tests, so I figured that if something was really wrong somewhere they would have summoned me back in.

I haven't encountered too much in the way of peer or familial pressure over the years. My mum was the most vocal when I was a lot younger, but it wouldn't be to me so much, just general comments about looking forward to being a grandmother. But she totally respects my choice and has reconciled to not being able to realise that part of her desired identity (at least when she talks to me). I still feel a little guilty though, because I'm an only child...

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

Evie, I've always wondered the same thing, is all my caution for nothing since I'm infertile and just don't know ? Better safe than sorry though

I think I've mentioned before that Dag is the first guy I've dated since opening my marriage who hasn't had a vasectomy. I asked him why, and he said it was against his religion I really didn't know what to say... I mean, our relationship is adultery in the eyes of said religion, and so we're all going to hell anyways, might as well get snipped

I just will never understand the obsession people have with producing offspring

Me neither... I was reading an article today that quoted the average cost of one in vitro cycle at over $12,000 I do get that some people really and truly feel called to be parents, but with so many kids floating around the foster care system, spending that much money just to pass on your genes seems bizarre to me.

But. I would never tell people that they can't spend their last dollar on fertility treatments. Unlike the jackasses here in Texas who want to close every last abortion clinic, I believe in choice

If anyone isn't up to speed on the Supreme Court case around Texas' HB2 law...

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/03/02/scotus_abortion_case_oral_arguments.html

"The clinics that have hung on in Texas are bracing themselves for an onslaught that they don’t have the resources to handle. On a press call with the Center for Reproductive Rights in February, Amy Hagstrom Miller, CEO of the reproductive healthcare provider Whole Woman’s Health and one of the plaintiffs in the Supreme Court case, described wait times of 20 to 30 days before women can even make an appointment at clinics in Dallas-Forth Worth and Austin, Texas. Inevitably, that pushes some women over the 20-week line, after which abortion becomes illegal in Texas. “We have women who call in and say, ‘Can you teach me how to do my own abortion with medications I might have in my cabinet, or cleaning products I might have under my sink’” because they can’t make the 200 or 300-mile drive to the clinic, said Hagstrom Miller."

This is just such a HUGE issue for me, because while I may joke about flying to a blue state, I shouldn't have to worry about that. And many women don't have the money or time to travel just to get medical care. Nor do they have the resources to make multiple 100 mile trips and/or stay in hotel rooms, just to swallow 2 pills under a doctor's supervision in a surgical theater.

In related news, my girl crush on The Notorious RBG continues

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slat..._important_question_of_oral_arguments_in.html

(Yes, I am using this blog as a soapbox to preach about crap that is only tangentially related to poly. Yes, I will probably quit now that oral arguments are over, and start again when a decision is handed down. Thank you for putting up with me everyone!)

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

I'm sitting in the waiting room at my GPs office right now. The last couple of weeks have seriously kicked my ass, anxiety-wise, and I *really* need to start antidepressants again.

I'm mad at myself for waiting this long to make an appointment. I think there is a tiny part of me that still feels like I should tough it out and not need meds. I feel bombarded, constantly, by this societal idea that anxiety and depression can be fixed with exercise and healthy eating and vitamins. And so I force myself to try and do that, even though I *know* it doesn't work for me. I mean, I'm already a borderline orthorexic exercise junkie Trying to do "better" in those areas just leaves me where I am now, exercising 3 hours a day, living off steamed vegetables and granola, smelling like dead fish from taking so many omega-3 supplements, still stressed and exhausted.

Whenever somebody refers to meds as a band aid for mental illnesses that should be managed through lifestyle changes, I think, no, you've got it backwards. Yoga and meditation and cutting out sugar are band aids. They buy me a little peace, a few hours of feeling better. But the problem is not my lifestyle, it's my damn brain chemistry. The only thing that has ever actually made a lasting difference for me is SSRIs.

I told Dag yesterday about my decision to go back on meds. I didn't think anything of telling him, it's not a big deal to me. Half my friends take a prescription for anxiety or depression. I spent 6 years studying psychology and neurochemistry; most of my Facebook is chats with former classmates and professors about new studies and drugs. But Dag kind of got weird There's no mental illness in his family, or his wife's... And while I'd bet that he knows plenty of people who take psychoactive meds, he doesn't realize it, because they don't tell him.

So to him this is just unchartered territory. There was a lot of, "but you seem fine to me" and "everybody gets stressed" type stuff. I just... Do not have the emotional bandwidth for that right now. No, I'm not a raving lunatic, but neither are 99.9% of the mentally ill. (That remaining 0.1% is entirely comprised my bio relatives, lol.)

I'm annoyed at Andy, too, but for the opposite reason - he's blithely assuming the antidepressants will work as fast as they usually do, and cutting me zero slack. His SAD is being replaced by sunshine induced happiness, and he's all full of enthusiasm and plans and projects. I've lost track of all the shit he has planned for this weekend; all I know is I don't feel like doing any of it. I'm trying to find a way to ask (again, I've already asked several times) for a couple weeks down time to get my brain running smoothly. Every time I do, he says I'll feel better as soon as I start meds, and I feel pressured to "get better right away damn it!!!" and have an anxiety attack

 

[KC43]

People who say medications are "band aids" for mental illness, or that people with mental illnesses should be able to "just cheer up and get over it" or whatever, seriously piss me off. It's a frigging CHEMICAL IMBALANCE, not a "bad mood." Pretty sure those people wouldn't tell a diabetic they didn't need insulin, or a cancer patient they didn't need chemotherapy.

Ugh. Not going to go off on a rant about this one, or I'll never stop. Bad enough that even Woody, who actually has depression and somewhat gets the concept, had to have me explain to him that I don't choose to think the depression/anxiety thoughts, or to feel the associated emotions; they're functions of a genetic brain chemistry fuck-up. (Both of my parents have depression. My mom has panic disorder. My dad has OCD. I don't know about my mother's parents, grandparents, etc., but at one point in the course of doing some genealogy and talking to other family members, my dad traced depression, OCD, and possibly autism spectrum disorders back to his great-grandparents on his mother's side.)

 

[starlight1]

I wish I hadnt been raised mormon.

If I hadn't been I would have considered it an option to be child free. But I certainly wasn't thinking rationally ten, only hormonally and chemically because of age + MAJOR depression and PTSD.

I dont regret having kids, I regret having knowledge, I regret I didnt know I had a choice. I regret thinking I HAD to have babies and be a mother to be a good mormon and to go to heaven.

Le Sigh. So would not ever want to be in my teens or 20's again.

I am sure as hell teaching my girls the option to be child free, we're already over populated in this world, we dont need to pass on wonky genes like in my family too like NPD(my mom), Schizophrenia (My moms sister), depression, anxiety, predisposed genes to alcoholism (Moms sister AND my bio dad...)

So opening up this thread like this is awesome. I am so happy you addressed this topic. More people need to.

I watched sufferegette ast night, and thought, really have we come much farther? In some instances yes, in some no. There is definitely a fight on women and their reproductive organs in the usa, and its one of the reasons i stayed in the uk, was because of access to contraceptive/abortion clinics, etc.

 

[OnceAndFuture]

As a someone who has dealt with depression for a long time, I understand these feelings. If depression wasn't ingrained in my system and I could just make the thoughts go away...surely I would do that. And meds aren't bandaids, because one doesn't move heaven and earth to get your doctor to prescribe bandaids. I've lost track of the number of things people have told me would relieve my depression. (My personal favorite was the happy-clappy Christian who told me my depression was a result of not loving God enough. Oh cheers, right, thanks. ) Honestly, the only thing that's come close is a commitment to be true to myself. Which, I think, we're all trying best we can.

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

I dont regret having kids, I regret having knowledge, I regret I didnt know I had a choice. I regret thinking I HAD to have babies and be a mother to be a good mormon and to go to heaven.

Stephanie is one of the most amazing moms I know - but in a drunken moment of honesty, she admitted to Andy that if she'd realized how much satisfaction and love you could get from dogs, she never would have had a kid.

I know she also felt she *had* to do the marriage and parenthood thing. She fucked up the marriage part royally, but as I said, fabulous mom. Her daughter is a college senior now and one of the kindest, most interesting young women I've ever met.

The road not taken is always interesting. I probably would have been a decent parent. To an adopted kid. (Who knows, Andy and I may still decide to become foster parents some day.) I do not think my mental health could have withstood biological kids - I would have been so terrified for them, with the specter of severe psychosis always lurking. I spent my teens and early 20s watching myself obsessively for symptoms of the family crazy, and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I made it past the typical age of onset.

I will be forever grateful to my dad, for sucking up the awkwardness of being a single father and giving me condoms and bc pills. For making it clear he'd always be there for me if I wanted an abortion, no questions, no judgement. For giving me textbooks and medical journal articles about the heredity of mental illness starting in junior high so I could make a fully informed decision. And for supporting my choice to be child free 100%

(And while I'm at it, big thanks to my step sister for having two wonderful kiddos so I could avoid the not-giving-my-dad-grandchildren guilt )

 

[Reverie]

I do not think my mental health could have withstood biological kids - I would have been so terrified for them, with the specter of severe psychosis always lurking. I spent my teens and early 20s watching myself obsessively for symptoms of the family crazy, and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I made it past the typical age of onset.

My family also is made of total insanity, almost top to bottom on the tree. I am no textbook paragon of mental health, but when I look at the rest of them, I wonder what lucky corner of the gene pool I emerged from to ONLY struggle with a bit of what is probably mild autism spectrum disorder, codependency (that I think I recently vanquished), and a tendency to possible functional alcoholism that I am still assessing. It could be so much worse!

Between my family crazy and Rider's being adopted, that is a pair of dice I have no desire ever to roll.

 

[Hannahfluke]

I wish I hadnt been raised mormon.

If I hadn't been I would have considered it an option to be child free. But I certainly wasn't thinking rationally ten, only hormonally and chemically because of age + MAJOR depression and PTSD.

I dont regret having kids, I regret having knowledge, I regret I didnt know I had a choice. I regret thinking I HAD to have babies and be a mother to be a good mormon and to go to heaven.

Le Sigh. So would not ever want to be in my teens or 20's again.

I am sure as hell teaching my girls the option to be child free, we're already over populated in this world, we dont need to pass on wonky genes like in my family too like NPD(my mom), Schizophrenia (My moms sister), depression, anxiety, predisposed genes to alcoholism (Moms sister AND my bio dad...)

So opening up this thread like this is awesome. I am so happy you addressed this topic. More people need to.

I watched sufferegette ast night, and thought, really have we come much farther? In some instances yes, in some no. There is definitely a fight on women and their reproductive organs in the usa, and its one of the reasons i stayed in the uk, was because of access to contraceptive/abortion clinics, etc.

Yeah, I'm not sure I'd have decided to have kids if I hadn't been raised Mormon. I'm sure I wouldn't have had them as early. I'll always be impressed that I actually had the nerve to stand up to that overwhelming pressure 9 years before I left the church and say that two children was enough for me and we made sure that's all we had.

Possible trigger alert within my discussion about mental health and why I'm back on medicine. After reading what I wrote over, I decided that a trigger alert was needed.

On the mental illness part of the thread - in July 2014 I went back on antidepressants and started anti-anxiety medication for the first time. I had gone to a weekend long festival and a friend of a friend committed suicide there, in front of all the people at the festival. I watched my friends react to that loss that night and the next day. I felt sad and anxious, but not much worse than my husband - who has never suffered from depression - at least at first. By the time we made it home the afternoon after the incident, I had decided that I was going to my doctor the next day, if possible, and my therapist as soon as he could fit me in. I wasn't willing to wait for the symptoms, which I was pretty sure I would feel, even more intensely, as time went on, to get bad enough I would finally admit I couldn't power through it before getting help, unlike every other time in my life. Why was I so sure those symptoms were coming? I had tried to commit suicide when I was 25 but changed my mind before going through with it completely. Watching my friends deal with the aftermath of what I almost did was difficult. I may be on medicine for the rest of my life for depression and anxiety. And, unlike how I felt in my 20s, I'm okay with that fact now. I want to be able to function as much as possible and the meds help me do that. I'm so glad I didn't wait but followed my first instinct that summer, because how I felt was bad enough, I can't imagine how horrible it would have been without the medicine. I no longer care about the social stigma, keeping me functioning and here is way more important than anything else.

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

I've lost track of the number of things people have told me would relieve my depression. (My personal favorite was the happy-clappy Christian who told me my depression was a result of not loving God enough. Oh cheers, right, thanks. )

My favorite is the people who are HORRIFIED that I'm putting CHEMICALS into my body, and yet rattle of a list of 20 supplements they take daily I really want to send those people back to high school science class.

Ugh. Not going to go off on a rant about this one, or I'll never stop. Bad enough that even Woody, who actually has depression and somewhat gets the concept, had to have me explain to him that I don't choose to think the depression/anxiety thoughts, or to feel the associated emotions; they're functions of a genetic brain chemistry fuck-up. (Both of my parents have depression. My mom has panic disorder. My dad has OCD. I don't know about my mother's parents, grandparents, etc., but at one point in the course of doing some genealogy and talking to other family members, my dad traced depression, OCD, and possibly autism spectrum disorders back to his great-grandparents on his mother's side.)

My dad is, no joke, the only living bio relative I have who doesn't have severe mental illness. On his side, his mom was mentally healthy, his dad was a bipolar alcoholic... one sister with anxiety and depression, the other bipolar, his brother... too messed up to ever get to a doctor to get diagnosed, and self medicated with painkillers his whole life. And a whole slew of depressed cousins.

My moms side is the true crazy. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. And nobody ever got help. (Though they do love calling the police and getting each other locked up on 24 hour holds, just for kicks.) Bipolar with psychotic features? Schizophrenia? Schizotypal personality disorder? I still can't really find a diagnosis that fits. Delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, violence, drug and alcohol addiction. And all around WEIRDNESS. You can't even imagine Christmas, lol. We didn't even have Christmas on Christmas, it was just whatever day my grandmother decided *felt* like Christmas.

Writing this out (and trust me, I'm barely scratching the surface) makes me wonder how I am even a semi-functioning person. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, therapy. Thank you, SSRIs

Soooo, Dag - the constant texter - has been radio silent all day I reminded him this morning that I had my doc appt, and since then it's just been ... Nothing. He responded to *one* of my many texts, just "miss you too". Hmmmm. I am trying really hard to believe he's just unusually busy today. Because if he's avoiding me because anxiety and meds weird him out? Ugh.

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

Hannahfluke, I actually clapped my hand to my mouth and said Oh My God when I read your story.

As someone who has lost waaaay too many friends and family to suicide, I'm so sorry you had to witness that. And so glad you knew how to take care of yourself in the aftermath.

((((HUGS))))

 

[Hannahfluke]

Hannahfluke, I actually clapped my hand to my mouth and said Oh My God when I read your story.

As someone who has lost waaaay too many friends and family to suicide, I'm so sorry you had to witness that. And so glad you knew how to take care of yourself in the aftermath.

((((HUGS))))

I am incredibly thankful I was facing away from the area it took place in when it happened. I also purposefully avoided (and still avoid) any video from that night and I've only read one of the news articles on it, mostly so I could make sure it had enough information so I could email it to my therapist so he'd be prepared for why I was coming back after 7 months of no visits. The whole experience was awful enough without a memory of the actual death.

Thank you for your empathy. I'm glad I took the actions I knew I needed to take also.

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

Anxiety. Fucking. Sucks.

I picked a fight with Andy tonight about whether to plant a hedge or build a fence along one edge of our property.

And I received exactly 3 texts from Dag today. I would say most days it's closer to 300. It's weirding me out. I know he has a lot going on right now - just got promoted at work, in-laws in town - but it's still just odd. I can only remember one day in 15 months of dating that he has been this quiet, and even that day, by mid afternoon he was explaining his bad mood and texting up a storm.

I canceled plans with K and R for tomorrow because I just want to sit around in my pjs and watch Agents of Sheild reruns all weekend. K called five seconds later to offer me "edibles". I haven't smoked pot since freshman year of college... I'm almost tempted!

 

[Hannahfluke]

Anxiety. Fucking. Sucks.

I picked a fight with Andy tonight about whether to plant a hedge or build a fence along one edge of our property.

And I received exactly 3 texts from Dag today. I would say most days it's closer to 300. It's weirding me out. I know he has a lot going on right now - just got promoted at work, in-laws in town - but it's still just odd. I can only remember one day in 15 months of dating that he has been this quiet, and even that day, by mid afternoon he was explaining his bad mood and texting up a storm.

I canceled plans with K and R for tomorrow because I just want to sit around in my pjs and watch Agents of Sheild reruns all weekend. K called five seconds later to offer me "edibles". I haven't smoked pot since freshman year of college... I'm almost tempted!

That sucks Claire, about Dags pulling a silent act after you told him about your decision to go back on meds. While I haven't gone through exactly the same thing, I went through something similar when I went back on meds after that festival. I had been talking to a guy I'd met at a poly speed dating thing daily, for a few months before the festival. He was really busy, so we'd only had a chance to get together 3 or 4 times in those months, but both of us talked about how we really enjoyed the time we'd been able to spend together and really liked talking to each other. When I came home from the festival and didn't feel good again right away, he started acting weird. I finally asked him if he'd prefer if I didn't talk to him until I felt better emotionally. His response was "Sigh. No, because that would make me feel selfish." I stopped initiating conversations after that one, because having to deal with what felt like anger that I wasn't already better so he could get back the person he enjoyed talking to was too much on top of everything else. Despite him saying he didn't want to stop talking to me, he never initiated another electronic communication with me. He did talk to me once or twice at our poly group activities, but that's it. He even removed me as his Facebook friend, I found out later. That experience made me paranoid for months about talking to anyone but my therapist, my husband, and one friend I really trusted, about how I was really doing. And that sucked.

I hope Dags is able to get over whatever is going on with him soon and realize you're still the same person he loves.

<hugs>

 

[GirlFromTexlahoma]

Thanks Hannahfluke

Things seem a little better today (says the girl who started her Lexapro last night lol ***). Maybe Dag just needed a little time to process, that's not a bad thing, I need that myself sometimes

I wish I'd done a better job explaining stuff to him...

I think I made a lot of assumptions, one of which was that he had the same basic attitude toward drugs and chemicals as I do. In psychopharmacology (my academic background) there are no value judgements about various categories of chemicals. Doesn't matter if you're talking about SSRIs, caffeine, or crack cocaine - you look at route of absorption, time to peak plasma levels, elimination half life, receptor binding, metabolites, etc. I decide "should I take Lexapro for six months?" and "should I drink a glass of wine?" the exact same way - what's it going to do in my brain and body, how long will those effects last. It honestly didn't occur to me that Dag might see a daily antidepressant as anything more than the most efficient method of increasing synaptic serotonin levels.



***I started to write out this long explanation of the current hypothesis regarding why it takes effect so quickly, but it's really too nice out to think about enantiomers and allosteric receptor binding sites So I'm just going to go hiking with my dogs and be grateful I'm feeling a little tiny bit better today