Higher sex drive and monogamy

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ForgetfulGlitter

New member
I have a higher sex drive than my partner. I am monogamous but accept their polyamory because I really love them. They are currently only seeing one other person, and not often. When I imagine them seeing someone else, other than this person they are already seeing, I feel unloved. Is it wrong of me to feel upset at the idea of partner wanting to have sex with other people when they don't often want to have sex with me? I feel like it means I am not good enough, even though when we do have sex it is really great.

Is there any place on the internet for people who are unsure about polyamory but trying it out for love, or people who are definitely monogamous but dating a polyamorous person? I feel everywhere I look it is just like "Monogamy bad" "silly monogamous people" and while I really do accept that polyamory makes a lot of sense, I just really like loving and being with one person - specifically this one person who happens to be polyamorous.
 
Welcome to the board! You are, actually, in a pretty good interwebs space for mono people who are dating poly folks. There's several on the boards, and most of us here don't view mono or poly as being superior, just different relationship styles.

I definitely recommend taking some time to check out some threads (you can search using the search function on the blue bar at the top of the page for things like mono dating poly), and read some of the blogs in the stories and blogs section from mono folks dating poly folks.

Look forward to hearing more of your story!
 
I think it might be helpful to you if you stop automatically equating "seeing someone else" with "having sex with someone else." Do you know for a fact that your partner is having sex with their other partner? If they've told you they are, that's one thing, but if you're just assuming... if they have as low a sex drive as you imply, they might not have sex with their other partner much either. Not to mention you say they don't see their other partner often, so even if they're having sex with that other partner, they aren't having sex with them *often*.
 
ForgetfulGlitter said:
I have a higher sex drive than my partner. I am monogamous but accept their polyamory because I really love them. They are currently only seeing one other person, and not often. When I imagine them seeing someone else, other than this person they are already seeing, I feel unloved. Is it wrong of me to feel upset at the idea of partner wanting to have sex with other people when they don't often want to have sex with me? I feel like it means I am not good enough, even though when we do have sex it is really great.
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I feel for you. Although my partner and I are both poly, and I can get nookie elsewhere (and do), I love my partner so much and crave sex with her!

We have been together 7 years. How long have you been with your partner? The first few years we were together, we used to have rather frequent discussions about our mismatched libidos. In the past few years, she has become less repressed and her sexuality has bloomed! I tried to be empathetic towards the various issues she had that kept her sexuality from flowing towards me. Also, I encouraged her to date and meet people who could love and validate her. As her self esteem, confidence, and experience grew, her libido increased as well.

Maybe you could try to think of her other partners as aides in her self growth and blossoming?

Meanwhile we learned to work on getting my needs met even when she wasn't in the mood. She is always willing to hold me while I masturbate, even when she isn't in the mood to be touched. When she was still in that mode, I could stroke her shoulders, hips or legs to enhance my self gratification, and kiss her, even when she didn't want her breasts or genitals touched. It was an OK compromise when she couldn't fully be in the mood.

Is there any place on the internet for people who are unsure about polyamory but trying it out for love, or people who are definitely monogamous but dating a polyamorous person? I feel everywhere I look it is just like "Monogamy bad" "silly monogamous people" and while I really do accept that polyamory makes a lot of sense, I just really like loving and being with one person - specifically this one person who happens to be polyamorous.
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Your approach is perfectly valid, and you will find support here. We don't judge monos. (Unicorn hunters, however...:rolleyes: )

Welcome!
 
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