D
When I was younger I thought I wanted kids, but that's what I was programmed to think. In my 30's, when it became time to shit or get off the pot, I realized nope. My reasons for remaining child-free:
1) I don't enjoy spending long periods of time with most children. I'm over-sensitive to the noise and clutter which often accompany children. Whining toddlers or wailing babies put my teeth on edge. Though I'm sure I'd enjoy doing some things with an older child, such as introducing her to Star Wars or reading Little Women together, I'm disinterested in playing blocks with a 3-year-old, or pretending to laugh at an 8 year old's bad knock knock jokes.
2) I wouldn't breed an animal knowing how many cats, dogs, rabbits etc. need homes, so makes sense if I were to have a child in my life, I'd adopt. Although I'm cute and smart and generally physically healthy, there's nothing so great about my genes or my family name that simply must be passed on.
3)Kids are expensive, and I live on a tight budget. I don't have a corporate job, so I have lame health insurance and no maternity pay.
My girlfriend loves kids, so she gets her kid fix by working part-time babysitting.
1) I don't enjoy spending long periods of time with most children. I'm over-sensitive to the noise and clutter which often accompany children. Whining toddlers or wailing babies put my teeth on edge. Though I'm sure I'd enjoy doing some things with an older child, such as introducing her to Star Wars or reading Little Women together, I'm disinterested in playing blocks with a 3-year-old, or pretending to laugh at an 8 year old's bad knock knock jokes.
2) I wouldn't breed an animal knowing how many cats, dogs, rabbits etc. need homes, so makes sense if I were to have a child in my life, I'd adopt. Although I'm cute and smart and generally physically healthy, there's nothing so great about my genes or my family name that simply must be passed on.
3)Kids are expensive, and I live on a tight budget. I don't have a corporate job, so I have lame health insurance and no maternity pay.
My girlfriend loves kids, so she gets her kid fix by working part-time babysitting.
Spork
Active member
I did not want kids. I used to say as a teenager that as far as sexual consequences were concerned, I'd prefer disease over children because then at least it was only MY life I was putting on the line, not those of innocent babies.
I did not want to be responsible for children. I did not want to have children.
But then one time, protection failed us and I conceived and I've got to say, I think that the pregnant body makes hormones that cause Momma to fall utterly, absolutely in love with the unborn baby, even when it's but an invisible microscopic clump of cells. Get this serenity about the whole thing. I went from not liking kids or wanting a kid, to being protective, adoring, devoted to the whole thing. No way could I remotely even consider abortion or even putting my baby up for adoption, even though we were dirt poor and life was really hard. Nope. I was a MOM, and that was just that.
When my first was not that old, we decided on purpose that since we had the one, we wanted a total of two, and let the second happen deliberately. Life had gotten a LITTLE easier at that point, and it seemed like an ok thing to do.
I can say with utter and absolute conviction that early states of love for baby are very hormonal, very chemical and animal. I don't know how I could have fought it if I'd even known to try.
I completely respect anyone's right to not have kids. I wish that birth control options for men such as Vasalgel were generally available, and I wish that doctors were more willing to perform sterilization procedures without making a person jump through hoops. I know a number of docs who simply won't do it if a person is still in their breeding prime and/or hasn't had "enough" children already. (however many is the arbitrary number that doc thinks one ought to have, but probably at least two.) My doctor argued with me every possible opportunity when I wanted to get my tubes tied. "Are you sure? Are you SURE?? But WHAT IF YOU MEET A MAN??" Um. I have. Plenty of them. I was dating three men at that time. That most certainly was not the issue. I guess she was really asking, what if you meet your "soouuullllmaayyyte" and you want to give him baaaaayyyybiiieeessss... No. And if he is butthurt about that no, and stops loving me because of my unwillingness to breed, then he damn sure is no soulmate of mine if that's even a real thing. Frankly she offended me. She said it was all for my own good, that the procedure should be treated as permanent and irreversible, and the "number one side effect is regret." Well personally, I think that unplanned regret is a lot easier to cope with, than an unplanned human baby. But maybe that's just me.
I think anyone who wants to get snipped or spayed ought to be able to.
If you later want kids and you're all bummed about it, adopt. Or get a puppy or something.
I did not want to be responsible for children. I did not want to have children.
But then one time, protection failed us and I conceived and I've got to say, I think that the pregnant body makes hormones that cause Momma to fall utterly, absolutely in love with the unborn baby, even when it's but an invisible microscopic clump of cells. Get this serenity about the whole thing. I went from not liking kids or wanting a kid, to being protective, adoring, devoted to the whole thing. No way could I remotely even consider abortion or even putting my baby up for adoption, even though we were dirt poor and life was really hard. Nope. I was a MOM, and that was just that.
When my first was not that old, we decided on purpose that since we had the one, we wanted a total of two, and let the second happen deliberately. Life had gotten a LITTLE easier at that point, and it seemed like an ok thing to do.
I can say with utter and absolute conviction that early states of love for baby are very hormonal, very chemical and animal. I don't know how I could have fought it if I'd even known to try.
I completely respect anyone's right to not have kids. I wish that birth control options for men such as Vasalgel were generally available, and I wish that doctors were more willing to perform sterilization procedures without making a person jump through hoops. I know a number of docs who simply won't do it if a person is still in their breeding prime and/or hasn't had "enough" children already. (however many is the arbitrary number that doc thinks one ought to have, but probably at least two.) My doctor argued with me every possible opportunity when I wanted to get my tubes tied. "Are you sure? Are you SURE?? But WHAT IF YOU MEET A MAN??" Um. I have. Plenty of them. I was dating three men at that time. That most certainly was not the issue. I guess she was really asking, what if you meet your "soouuullllmaayyyte" and you want to give him baaaaayyyybiiieeessss... No. And if he is butthurt about that no, and stops loving me because of my unwillingness to breed, then he damn sure is no soulmate of mine if that's even a real thing. Frankly she offended me. She said it was all for my own good, that the procedure should be treated as permanent and irreversible, and the "number one side effect is regret." Well personally, I think that unplanned regret is a lot easier to cope with, than an unplanned human baby. But maybe that's just me.
I think anyone who wants to get snipped or spayed ought to be able to.
If you later want kids and you're all bummed about it, adopt. Or get a puppy or something.
Once upon a time, I would have had a kid or three if I could have. My wife had a (benign) fibroid tumor, so ... automatic birth control. At the time, I was monogamous with her (and very active in my church). Many years later when I started to rebel, I decided to get a vasectomy. And ever since then I've been child-free.
I don't think I'd make a good parent. I've got too many psychological problems.
I don't think I'd make a good parent. I've got too many psychological problems.
Spork
Active member
I've gotten in hot water with a friend or two over the years for telling them they'd make good mothers. These were childfree by choice ladies who probably got to hear about it from friends and family more than they liked. I had to explain to them that I wasn't implying that they SHOULD or ought to feel obligated or any such nonsense. Only that if it were a role they had chosen to pursue, I thought they would do well with it. Mainly I was commenting on character qualities such as kindness, nurturing, and generosity of spirit that I perceived in them.
I have a saying, "If you want to be a better parent, be a better person." Kids learn so much more from our examples, than by anything else we've got to offer them. And they might learn good things, or they might learn bad things, or they might see us behaving badly and learn what NOT to do. But if I tell someone I think they would make a good parent, I'm really just saying that I think they're a good person.
I have a saying, "If you want to be a better parent, be a better person." Kids learn so much more from our examples, than by anything else we've got to offer them. And they might learn good things, or they might learn bad things, or they might see us behaving badly and learn what NOT to do. But if I tell someone I think they would make a good parent, I'm really just saying that I think they're a good person.
vinsanity0
Active member
BonzaiBlitz
New member
Between our eight nieces and nephews, and Bloom being an elementary teacher, AND both of us being raised as only-children...no.
This just keeps getting reinforced, especially as we're both worn down by work more and more, and need home to be a safe space over which we hold complete control (especially in terms of SILENCE).
Fortunately, the above horde of children who show up at my parents' house every Christmas has kept the pressure to procreate to a minimum.
The only time it's even been brought up was when Bloom and I had lunch with my parents, and she was nursing a hangover that sent her running to the bathroom.
Having many infertile friends who WANT to be parents, I have to say that the adoption process in this country is just insane.
And insanely expensive, without even factoring in the cost of raising a child.
At least one couple has been hacking away at it for a DECADE, almost bankrupting themselves in the process.
More and more children coming out of abusive homes or those with parents in prison are just tossed into the already-overloaded foster care system, and age out with no support and nothing but desperation.
The system sets them up to repeat their parents' mistakes, all because of ten million miles of red tape and a society's obsession with passing on mitochondrial DNA.
This just keeps getting reinforced, especially as we're both worn down by work more and more, and need home to be a safe space over which we hold complete control (especially in terms of SILENCE).
Fortunately, the above horde of children who show up at my parents' house every Christmas has kept the pressure to procreate to a minimum.
The only time it's even been brought up was when Bloom and I had lunch with my parents, and she was nursing a hangover that sent her running to the bathroom.
Having many infertile friends who WANT to be parents, I have to say that the adoption process in this country is just insane.
And insanely expensive, without even factoring in the cost of raising a child.
At least one couple has been hacking away at it for a DECADE, almost bankrupting themselves in the process.
More and more children coming out of abusive homes or those with parents in prison are just tossed into the already-overloaded foster care system, and age out with no support and nothing but desperation.
The system sets them up to repeat their parents' mistakes, all because of ten million miles of red tape and a society's obsession with passing on mitochondrial DNA.