I am mono in relationship with a poly man. I became upset when he started talking about his other partner while we were in bed after making love. In his eyes, it was an innocent conversation. We talk about her, I've met her, I've accepted his relationship with her. In my mind, it was in bad form to talk about her while in bed with me. I love this man but am wondering if I'm capable of sustaining this relationship. Am I being unreasonable to expect that he will honor my mono feelings - especially in intimate moments?
Partner talking about his other partner
- Thread starter Bee
- Start date
Not unreasonable of you at all... If you're going to attempt to understand his poly feelings, then that door swings both ways. You deserve the same courtesy. I would start by letting him know if there are certain circumstances where you don't feel comfortable talking about the other partner.
im not judging at all, if you dont mind me asking, do you feel like you and your husband are heading down two separate paths when you do not divulge information on where your relationship is going with Butch? And how do you feel this is good for your marriage? i Know there many different types of poly and im just curious
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Hi Bee,
It seems reasonable to me for you to ask your man not to talk about his other partner while you're in bed with him. If he says no, then you have to reevaluate the relationship. I would hope that he wouldn't say no to such a simple request, but you and I cannot decide that for him.
I hope you two can get this worked out.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
It seems reasonable to me for you to ask your man not to talk about his other partner while you're in bed with him. If he says no, then you have to reevaluate the relationship. I would hope that he wouldn't say no to such a simple request, but you and I cannot decide that for him.
I hope you two can get this worked out.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Some people don't want to be hearing that stuff -- and that is fine. But people are not mind readers, so you have to be sure you have told him what you would like.
Did he already know you felt that way? If so, he's crossing a line.
If he didn't know your preference before this? Could call it an opportunity to clarify how you feel, tell him, and ask him not to do that again.
Hopefully he respects that.
Galagirl
Dagferi
Well-known member
Butch has been my husband 15 yrs. Murf almost 5 yrs. Of course my relationships are on different paths. They are different relationships. I enjoy different hobbies, routines and etc with each man. Butch knows Murf is a life partner for me too.
As for the effect on my marriages happy wife = happy life.
Ravenscroft
Banned
When I am with a lover, I'm totally focussed on her. The rest of the world can go up in flames. Not just during obvious sex, but in the lead-up & wind-down as well.
I don't want someone f*cking me & launching into chatter about how So-&-So is so great.
And as the "afterglow" seems to have so much emotional vulnerability for so many people, I'd says that's NOT the time to talk about others.
Not that there has to be some minefield about it. Nancy (bisexual) & I had a couple of girlfriends in common. I really enjoy... um, "providing pleasure orally"; it's the closest thing I have to a fetish. Nancy expressed curiosity about the nuances I had with other women, I was happy to oblige, & she was delighted in various ways. And I certainly don't mind attempting things that I'd just never considered trying.
But that's all done to ADD TO intimacy.
It's not even about sex, really, but rather respect for who you're with & for your relationship & for your "alone time" together. Anna & I did agree early on that sex is NOT the time to discuss work problems, chores, etc. Intruding on that -- especially recurring -- is disrespectful, maybe even attacking.
I don't want someone f*cking me & launching into chatter about how So-&-So is so great.
And as the "afterglow" seems to have so much emotional vulnerability for so many people, I'd says that's NOT the time to talk about others.Not that there has to be some minefield about it. Nancy (bisexual) & I had a couple of girlfriends in common. I really enjoy... um, "providing pleasure orally"
; it's the closest thing I have to a fetish. Nancy expressed curiosity about the nuances I had with other women, I was happy to oblige, & she was delighted in various ways. And I certainly don't mind attempting things that I'd just never considered trying.But that's all done to ADD TO intimacy.
It's not even about sex, really, but rather respect for who you're with & for your relationship & for your "alone time" together. Anna & I did agree early on that sex is NOT the time to discuss work problems, chores, etc. Intruding on that -- especially recurring -- is disrespectful, maybe even attacking.