I'm not sure what you mean by "control" your emotions. If you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions, isn't the way to solve it to EXPRESS your old/current emotions and let them out so they can be on their way and dissipate?
As well as take the pot off the burner so new emotions are not bubbling up?
What could that look like in your situation?
I don't know if it helps any but here's some of my suggestions....
I feel like finding my emotional balance again is placing an undue burden on everyone.
It might sound persnickety, but you could stop using "think" and "feel" interchangeably. Leave "think" for thoughts and "feel" for emotions. It becomes...
I think finding my emotional balance again is placing an undue burden on everyone.
That's your thinking behavior. Which seems to cranks up your upset. But the nice thing when you recognize a thought as a thought? You can always change your mind!
I believe feelings ensue after behavior -- either thinking behavior or action behavior.
If she comes back to a poly situation that she left? That is action behavior to me. If she feels jealous being back in this situation? Those feelings are a result of her actions. She's the one who chose to be back. I assume she is able to deal with her emotional management and pay the price of admission here. She's willing to deal with some transitional discomfort being back in this situation. She's having to readjust. She's chosen to do this.
Why are you not willing to let her deal with her choices and stuff herself? Rather than you trying to take responsibility for her choices and her stuff?
To me you sound like you are doing some thinking actions. This stuff:
- I feel like finding my emotional balance again is placing an undue burden on everyone. (ie: I am a burden to people.)
- I'm trying very hard not to feel everyone else's feelings and just relax and balance out... but it seems impossible. (ie: It is impossible for me to relax)
Which lead to you feeling cranked up.
If you cannot turn off the negative thinking, at least try adding a few more words to the thoughts.
- At this time, I THINK I am a burden to people. (When you add THINK, it allows you to change your mind later. To allow the possibility to think you are NOT a burden.)
- At this time, I cannot figure out how to relax YET. (When you add YET, it allows you to eventually figure it out. Not say it is impossible and lock you into never being able to.)
You could also ask yourself "Thinking this stuff... is this ADDING to my problems or TAKING AWAY?" Because you are not your thoughts or your feelings. You are the person DOING some thinking, and EXPERIENCING some feelings. The thoughts/feelings don't run the ship. You do. Maybe you are so overwhelmed right now that you are losing sight of that?
I'm highly charged at all times.
If participating here at this time is taxing your health
this much? Perhaps see a counselor about feeling highly charged at all times. And think about not being here so you are so charged up. Take the pot off the burner.
It's all just too much too fast.
Then why go at it like this if it overextends you and stresses you out to the max?
There's dealing with "comfortably uncomfortable" because you are trying to grow and growth happens on the edges of the comfort zone.
And then there's taking on too much and being UNCOMFORTABLE uncomfortable.
If you know you are taking on too much too fast... you could stop.
What do you need to be ok giving yourself permission to take a break from this relationship? And say to yourself "I would like to date this person, but turns out I'm not quite ready YET. I need to work on X things first and then try again later" instead of going at it like this?
Galagirl
