I have recently been having these feelings that I can’t make go away. I was raised to believe that the only acceptable relationship is one man and one woman, but one failed marriage later and here I am. I am in the bdsm lifestyle, and I love my Daddy more than anything. He is my soulmate. Recently however, he introduced me to a good friend of his with whom we have been sharing pictures with. Daddy likes when I tease other men. In just a few weeks, my Daddy is allowing me to go visit this friend of his so that I may experience my first threesome. It isn’t something that he wants for himself but something he knows will make me happy. Unfortunately I am running into an awkward situation. After getting to know this other man, I have noticed that I have been having some strong feelings towards him as well. I still love my Daddy more than anything though. So now the dilemma.......if I were in a poly relationship, it could only ever be a poly-fi relationship. I am fiercely loyal to my men and I would ask that they did not step out of the relationship either. It would have to be a closed MFM triad. What should I do??? I feel a little lost.
Advice please!!
- Thread starter Honeycomb
- Start date
I'm sorry you feel lost.
FWIW? I think you should tell your Daddy and potential(s) that that's the only plural relationship model you are up for. And if they aren't into that, then no deal.
That one isn't at clear so I cannot bold anything. But if what you mean is
or similar? Then I think you should tell Daddy that. And ask Daddy not to arrange threesomes for you that make you uncomfortable and to cancel this visit.
It's Daddy's job to look after you. It's your job to let him know what's going on with you so he CAN look after you.
So do your job. So he can better do his.
That would be my general advice... you'd have to adjust it to fit your particular kink dynamic/communication method.
M 2 cents,
Galagirl
FWIW? I think you should tell your Daddy and potential(s) that that's the only plural relationship model you are up for. And if they aren't into that, then no deal.
That one isn't at clear so I cannot bold anything. But if what you mean is
- "I only want to kink with Daddy"
- "I only want to threesome in fantasy with Daddy"
- "Sharing pix is one thing, but actual sex is another"
- "I don't want to share sex with other people like this"
or similar? Then I think you should tell Daddy that. And ask Daddy not to arrange threesomes for you that make you uncomfortable and to cancel this visit.
It's Daddy's job to look after you. It's your job to let him know what's going on with you so he CAN look after you.
So do your job. So he can better do his.
That would be my general advice... you'd have to adjust it to fit your particular kink dynamic/communication method.
M 2 cents,
Galagirl
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vinsanity0
Active member
I think you are putting the cart way before the horse. The way you describe it, part of Daddy's kink is to show you off and share you with others. Even though he isn't into threesomes, he does derive some pleasure from providing you with that outlet. You find yourself falling for the friend somewhat because that is not unusual to develop some feelings for someone one is being sexual with.
However, there doesn't seem to be any communication along those lines. Is your Daddy aware that your interest may go beyond being loaned out for sex? I would like to assume there is a means for you to discuss this with no repercussions. At this point that is all you can do. I also think you are assuming a lot about the friend.
I am unclear as to what form this threesome is. You say he is allowing you to go visit. Do you mean the both of you are visiting to have a threesome? Or you are going for a visit to have a threesome with the friend and someone else?
However, there doesn't seem to be any communication along those lines. Is your Daddy aware that your interest may go beyond being loaned out for sex? I would like to assume there is a means for you to discuss this with no repercussions. At this point that is all you can do. I also think you are assuming a lot about the friend.
I am unclear as to what form this threesome is. You say he is allowing you to go visit. Do you mean the both of you are visiting to have a threesome? Or you are going for a visit to have a threesome with the friend and someone else?
Hello Honeycomb,
It sounds like your feelings have already progressed into the closed MFM triad area. If so, you must inform your Daddy and the friend of this. If not, if there is still time to cancel the threesome before your feelings become too strong, then go ahead and cancel, or at least ask Daddy to cancel it. Unless you want to have those stronger feelings. In which case, tell Daddy and friend about it. The bottom line is, open up the channels of communication, and let people know what's going on. Then negotiate with them, see if you can find some common ground.
It's not necessarily bad to have a closed MFM triad. As long as all three people are consenting.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
It sounds like your feelings have already progressed into the closed MFM triad area. If so, you must inform your Daddy and the friend of this. If not, if there is still time to cancel the threesome before your feelings become too strong, then go ahead and cancel, or at least ask Daddy to cancel it. Unless you want to have those stronger feelings. In which case, tell Daddy and friend about it. The bottom line is, open up the channels of communication, and let people know what's going on. Then negotiate with them, see if you can find some common ground.
It's not necessarily bad to have a closed MFM triad. As long as all three people are consenting.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Ravenscroft
Banned
Why wouldn'y Daddy simply continue loaning her out to the (unnamed) guy? Sounds like a rather typical game, especially for someone with so little creativity he insists on being called "Daddy" (probably has a dog named Buddy or Princess 
): he gets to have control over the guy he's bribing (letting him get his jollies BUT with zero control allowed) AND control over Honey.
If Honey feels attachment to the guy, that simply gives MORE power to Daddy -- why in hell would he be motivated to stop??
Hmm. If he's handing her over to the guy strictly for sex, AND in any way the guy ever does a favor for him, then it's demonstrably chargeable as prostitution, & all three are liable for arrest.
): he gets to have control over the guy he's bribing (letting him get his jollies BUT with zero control allowed) AND control over Honey. If Honey feels attachment to the guy, that simply gives MORE power to Daddy -- why in hell would he be motivated to stop??
Hmm. If he's handing her over to the guy strictly for sex, AND in any way the guy ever does a favor for him, then it's demonstrably chargeable as prostitution, & all three are liable for arrest.
I could be wrong, but I figure OP will correct me.
- I assume positive intent, and this is a consenting D/s dynamic of "Daddy/Little" and not abuse/asshole type stuff.
- I assume these people are entering an overlap of BDSM and Poly. And Honey is trying to figure out how to navigate this because previous experiences were BDSM only. That Honey finds adding a potential poly layer to it confusing at this time so wants help.
- I assume that the Dom exists at the consent of the sub.
- I assume they both have agreed it is the Dom's job to make sure that everything is safe, sane, and consensual and inside the ballpark that the sub specified is "in bounds." Activities like THIS are green for ok, Activities like THAT are red for no. Activities like this are yellow -- they are determined case by case.
- I assume that in their arrangement for scenes (or if they are living this 24/7) they have an established communication method where the sub gets to tell the Dom what's going on and what needs to change while still keeping in "Little" mode.
Like maybe in their "Daddy/Little" arrangements Honeycomb is supposed to go all out bratty kicking up her heels "NONONONO!" and throwing things. Which will earn her a spanking for "misbehaving" but she also gets to say NO to anything that is too much. And the Dom will change to something else. But they both get to stay in Daddy/Little mode while sorting through that.
I don't know what they actually do -- I figure they have their special communication method.
So if there's some kind of miscommunication going on here like "hey, sharing pix is ok, but not threesomes" then it's on the Little to report in -- in the manner they usually do that. Whatever that manner is.
Or if the issue is something else? Same suggestion. It's on Honey to report in -- in manner they usually do that. Whatever that manner is.
A Dom can do BDSM stuff with you, and they can ALSO be doing poly with you. But they can't be mind readers.
Galagirl
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Ravenscroft
Banned
My assumption(s) as well.
It's not at all far from games I saw when I was much more active in the BDSM scene.However, one reason I backed away is from repeatedly seeing subs (bottoms, slaves, whatever) turn around after doing someone's bidding for weeks/months/years & ONLY THEN claiming abuse.
I agree that subs (etc) have ACTUAL control... but more than a few take refuge behind a presumption of weakness, & put up with stuff they don't like until they hit a breaking point, at which time something unpleasant hits the fan.
I insisted that my play-partners communicate immediately & fully with me if they had ANY doubts. And if I found they'd spoken to others first, I never interacted with them again.
If Honey hasn't told Daddy, then she's collecting Victim Points for eventual revenge. If that's NOT what she intends, then she'd better have spoken up to Daddy -- like, before this very post.
First of all GalaGirl is very correct in her assumption that this is a D/s relationship. I am the baby girl, or little if you will, in the relationship. There is no “hinky” business going on as you call it though. The threesome is fully consensual for all involved. He is not farming me out for sex. I am his little, which means I am the most precious thing to him. Many people don’t understand our relationship because we are more than the sum of our BDSM relationship ......we are partners and helpmates as well. In the end he is the one who helps guide me when I have a problem I can’t work out. I am not out trying to score “victim points”. I am the one who initiated the idea of said threesome as a fantasy that I wished to try, and Daddy has agreed to it. His only request was for us to find someone that we both trust, as that person will have full control over me, and will need to keep me safe and protected when Daddy is not there. Daddy’s only rule is for me to have fun and enjoy myself, and to be a good girl and listen to his friend.
It is this new poly layer that has me confused. I have always been in monogamous relationships, was taught monogamy from a young age. Heck......I was married for over 12 years, to an emotionally and mentally abusive man and remained faithful despite that situation. I have read about poly relationships over the years, and they seem to also be the types of stories that I gravitate towards when I am reading. And yes, I am fully aware that the majority are fictional and a lot more is involved in this lifestyle than you read in a book. I just never thought I would experience something like this in my life. I am still taken aback by it.
I know how to communicate with my Daddy, and we do have our own way of doing it. My reason for coming on here is a way for me to gather my thoughts, get some education on poly, maybe some do’s and do not’s. Maybe a little validation that it is normal for me to feel these things. When it comes down to it, I am a strong woman in my own right outside of our Daddy/little dynamic, which is not 24/7. He listens to what I have to say and we work things out together.
It is this new poly layer that has me confused. I have always been in monogamous relationships, was taught monogamy from a young age. Heck......I was married for over 12 years, to an emotionally and mentally abusive man and remained faithful despite that situation. I have read about poly relationships over the years, and they seem to also be the types of stories that I gravitate towards when I am reading. And yes, I am fully aware that the majority are fictional and a lot more is involved in this lifestyle than you read in a book. I just never thought I would experience something like this in my life. I am still taken aback by it.
I know how to communicate with my Daddy, and we do have our own way of doing it. My reason for coming on here is a way for me to gather my thoughts, get some education on poly, maybe some do’s and do not’s. Maybe a little validation that it is normal for me to feel these things. When it comes down to it, I am a strong woman in my own right outside of our Daddy/little dynamic, which is not 24/7. He listens to what I have to say and we work things out together.
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Thank you for more clarifying info.
Let me try to put that in my own words so I know I got it how you mean it before trying to reply. You correct me if I get it wrong ok? I quote just to visually block it off.
Is something like that what you are asking?
Is there a desired outcome you are trying to get to?
Like...
Galagirl
Let me try to put that in my own words so I know I got it how you mean it before trying to reply. You correct me if I get it wrong ok? I quote just to visually block it off.
Is something like that what you are asking?
Is there a desired outcome you are trying to get to?
Like...
- A would be good
- B would be better
- C would be best
- But I can live with D if I cannot have A, B, or C.
Galagirl
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GalaGirl you got the nail on the head so to speak. I am perfectly happy with just my Daddy, and if that is the end result, my only wish would be for us to all remain friends regardless of the outcome. A MFM “V” model with me as the hinge with poly fidelity would be the best case scenario. A MFM, with the other man going outside would not be as hard because though my feelings for him are more than friendship, we do not yet have the relationship that my Daddy and I have. I would ask for him to at least let me meet this woman first and for him to wear a condom, and of course let us know should he develop feelings for the other woman. Allowing my Daddy to have another woman involved in the relationship would be hard, but I would not deny him that choice. He has given me that choice, so I should as well. It would be selfish not to. However, prior approval and of course condom rule also applies.
Another big thing that will affect this, I have a child from my previous marriage. How do you explain this to children? In her mind as a 9 year old, she hasn’t been tainted by societal norms, and in fact finds it a perfectly acceptable idea when brought up to her. Does this remain the same if that is what they are exposed to?
Another big thing that will affect this, I have a child from my previous marriage. How do you explain this to children? In her mind as a 9 year old, she hasn’t been tainted by societal norms, and in fact finds it a perfectly acceptable idea when brought up to her. Does this remain the same if that is what they are exposed to?
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anamikanon
New member
I understood you to mean that you're happy with your relationship with Daddy. You have a threesome fantasy that Daddy is arranging for you fulfill with someone else. You are concerned that you have developed feelings for this other person whom you will visit for the threesome and have started desiring a MFM "V" with daddy and this man (as opposed to the one off fantasy threesome with him and someone else you're in for right now).
You aren't that bothered about this other person having other partners, but Daddy having them would trouble you. But your preference is that both men would be monogamous and you would be Poly-fi with them both. Did I get this right?
The BDSM and other stuff apart, this is not so unusual while beginning poly. It is easier to accept being poly than a partner being poly and there is plenty of help possible to deal with jealousy if/when your partners are poly. You also may not have to deal with it if Daddy is not interested in being poly himself. My assumption is that you are currently monogamous though there is some sharing of erotic content like pictures, etc (clarifying, because I am not aware of the BDSM scene, but wasn't aware of monogamy being common).
You will have to discuss this with them. If you are certain of your feelings, then now, before the threesome, so everyone is on the same page on the implications. At the moment your Daddy is not expecting the threesome to be you having sex with someone you desire as your own partner, as opposed to behaving and having fun and obeying friend as told by daddy - beyond the fantasy he helped bring about. He may have his own issues about it and it may be fair to all concerned to discuss this before you proceed. To them, to know that what they believe your feelings to be on the issue are different from what you are feeling. For you to not get your hopes up and be disappointed or make mistakes in relationships that are difficult to correct down the road. The more honest you can be, the better your chances of success get, IMO.
You aren't that bothered about this other person having other partners, but Daddy having them would trouble you. But your preference is that both men would be monogamous and you would be Poly-fi with them both. Did I get this right?
The BDSM and other stuff apart, this is not so unusual while beginning poly. It is easier to accept being poly than a partner being poly and there is plenty of help possible to deal with jealousy if/when your partners are poly. You also may not have to deal with it if Daddy is not interested in being poly himself. My assumption is that you are currently monogamous though there is some sharing of erotic content like pictures, etc (clarifying, because I am not aware of the BDSM scene, but wasn't aware of monogamy being common).
You will have to discuss this with them. If you are certain of your feelings, then now, before the threesome, so everyone is on the same page on the implications. At the moment your Daddy is not expecting the threesome to be you having sex with someone you desire as your own partner, as opposed to behaving and having fun and obeying friend as told by daddy - beyond the fantasy he helped bring about. He may have his own issues about it and it may be fair to all concerned to discuss this before you proceed. To them, to know that what they believe your feelings to be on the issue are different from what you are feeling. For you to not get your hopes up and be disappointed or make mistakes in relationships that are difficult to correct down the road. The more honest you can be, the better your chances of success get, IMO.
As others have said, do discuss your wish for polyfi and your developing attraction with your partner. There's a negotiation going on about the relationship model you're going to practice. We don't hear from you if "Daddy" is up for polyamory at all, or just (sexually) open, more like "a threesome every now and then" relationship. There's a huge difference between these mindsets, he might get scared when you bring up love.
As for your question about kids, the common recommendation would be to exercise the same precaution a single parent exercises with new partners - don't introduce them to kids unless you're sure the relationship is going to be longterm (so maybe wait a few months at least). It's painful for the child if a person comes into their life, they grow to like him or her, and then one day that person disappears, seemingly without a reason, as the adults break up - that may be the biggest danger.
But. That's way too far in the future. Now you need to figure out if your feelings to the friend are any real (if you really like the person, or just your ideal of a polyfi relationship -- I understood you interact only online?), if potentially falling in love is ok with your partner (and his friend) if all of you still want a threesome. And if there's still joyful expectations, then you need to go enjoy yourself, and see how your feelings shift, because they likely will, in one direction or the other.
As for your question about kids, the common recommendation would be to exercise the same precaution a single parent exercises with new partners - don't introduce them to kids unless you're sure the relationship is going to be longterm (so maybe wait a few months at least). It's painful for the child if a person comes into their life, they grow to like him or her, and then one day that person disappears, seemingly without a reason, as the adults break up - that may be the biggest danger.
But. That's way too far in the future. Now you need to figure out if your feelings to the friend are any real (if you really like the person, or just your ideal of a polyfi relationship -- I understood you interact only online?), if potentially falling in love is ok with your partner (and his friend) if all of you still want a threesome. And if there's still joyful expectations, then you need to go enjoy yourself
, and see how your feelings shift, because they likely will, in one direction or the other.
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@Anamikanon you understand what I am trying to say. This is very hard for me because, like you, I am in an LDR with my Daddy. There are sometimes a couple of months between when we get to see each other, with work and my child, it can be hard to juggle. However, before anyone cries out in outrage, the idea of a poly relationship is not my attempt to justify “cheating “ as it were. I love my Daddy. We have been through a lot together. I want to bring it up to him and get his reaction to what I am feeling, but I am afraid. First and foremost I am so afraid that I will crush his heart and that is the last thing I want to do, I don’t want him to feel like he isn’t enough because he is more than enough. Second, because of his religion, and his culture what I am suggesting is the complete opposite of what they believe.
I know he suspects that things are a little more than friendship between myself and his friend. Sometimes it even feels like he tries to push me in this man’s direction as more than just a possibility for a sexual fantasy. To the point that my Daddy will bring up this man talking to other women to see if it makes me jealous. For personal reasons my Daddy and I cannot make our relationship open to our families, but he knows that this other man would b accepted by my family and me by his.
I know that Daddy hasn’t entertained any thoughts of an open relationship for himself, and has even declined my offer to do threesome with another woman. At the same time, he enjoys when I flirt with other mean and is excited that I am going to be doing this threesome.
I know he suspects that things are a little more than friendship between myself and his friend. Sometimes it even feels like he tries to push me in this man’s direction as more than just a possibility for a sexual fantasy. To the point that my Daddy will bring up this man talking to other women to see if it makes me jealous. For personal reasons my Daddy and I cannot make our relationship open to our families, but he knows that this other man would b accepted by my family and me by his.
I know that Daddy hasn’t entertained any thoughts of an open relationship for himself, and has even declined my offer to do threesome with another woman. At the same time, he enjoys when I flirt with other mean and is excited that I am going to be doing this threesome.
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This sounds like you are trying to organize your thoughts.
I get you have concerns about bringing it up to child, but this isn't even a thing yet, and you haven't talked to Daddy yet... so that one is like "stage 2" thinking to me, not "stage 1." So for now I would set those concerns aside. Deal with one thing at a time.
For stage 1 thinking, it sounds like
Is going to be something like...
In whatever scenario, you would like a heads up and safer sex practices like condom use.
I think you have to do your side of the job and communicate. Lead with D.
"Can we talk about something? I want to make an appointment when we have time and are not disturbed."
Then when the appointment comes
"I feel a bit weird after this threesome. I am developing feelings for X. I am totally happy with it just being you and me. But I need to air out, and I also need to know what you are thinking in regards to us. Do you prefer just us? Are you open to either of us dating other people? Something else? I'm feeling like I'd be open to things like.... (Then List A, B, C and reaffirm D. ) But really, I mostly want help with these feelings."
And let Daddy do his side of the job. Let him communicate his ideas. Let him handle his feelings (whatever they may be) about it.
Then say "Thanks for listening. I was feeling weird. Now I feel better. I feel good knowing I can come to you with these weird thoughts and feelings and you will help me."
Keep this simpler on yourself.
Galagirl
I get you have concerns about bringing it up to child, but this isn't even a thing yet, and you haven't talked to Daddy yet... so that one is like "stage 2" thinking to me, not "stage 1." So for now I would set those concerns aside. Deal with one thing at a time.
For stage 1 thinking, it sounds like
- A would be ok
- B would be better
- C would be best
- But I can live with D if I cannot have A, B, or C.
Is going to be something like...
- A: Allowing my Daddy to have another woman involved in the relationship would be hard, but I would not deny him that choice. He has given me that choice, so I should as well.
- B: A MFM, with the other man going outside would not be as hard because though my feelings for him are more than friendship, we do not yet have the relationship that my Daddy and I have.
- C: A MFM “V” model with me as the hinge with poly fidelity would be the best case scenario.
- D: I am perfectly happy with just my Daddy, and if that is the end result, my only wish would be for us to all remain friends regardless of the outcome.
In whatever scenario, you would like a heads up and safer sex practices like condom use.
I think you have to do your side of the job and communicate. Lead with D.
"Can we talk about something? I want to make an appointment when we have time and are not disturbed."
Then when the appointment comes
"I feel a bit weird after this threesome. I am developing feelings for X. I am totally happy with it just being you and me. But I need to air out, and I also need to know what you are thinking in regards to us. Do you prefer just us? Are you open to either of us dating other people? Something else? I'm feeling like I'd be open to things like.... (Then List A, B, C and reaffirm D. ) But really, I mostly want help with these feelings."
And let Daddy do his side of the job. Let him communicate his ideas. Let him handle his feelings (whatever they may be) about it.
Then say "Thanks for listening. I was feeling weird. Now I feel better. I feel good knowing I can come to you with these weird thoughts and feelings and you will help me."
Keep this simpler on yourself.
Galagirl
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anamikanon
New member
Doesn't sound like you would crush his heart by discussing - at the very least. He sounds like he would be ok with you being poly.
Which pretty much takes care of your fear of having to share him.
It could even turn out to be a "solution" that allows you greater closeness with your Daddy that you can't as singles - if culturally you are incompatible and in orthodox situations. Daddy spending time with a couple or "friend's gf/partner" would be far less scandalous socially than him being with a single woman
"Married to someone else" mentality works like an excellent acceptability smokescreen for orthodox brains when it comes to women they would otherwise not want around "their" men.In fact, even if you got outed, your family wouldn't be too upset if your partner was cool and his family wouldn't be too upset as long as he didn't have to marry you. Male privilege and all that. He'd probably get a few winks.
Not sure how it is for your families, but the primitive brains here work like that. I find exploiting their natural tendencies to my advantage useful at times.
I don't even know why you haven't had the conversation already.
Close voute
A little update from the last time I posted. I have discussed with both Daddy and the other man and we are in negotiations right now. I am to start spending some time with this other man so that we can get to know each other better and see if this is something that we can all live with. We are also trying to negotiate around the BDSM aspect of it since the other man is in the lifestyle as well. Thank you all for all of your support and advice. Living in a poly relationship is new for me and I honestly didn’t know how to go about navigating it at all. It is really all about communication and compromises, and allowing for different personalities.
A little update from the last time I posted. I have discussed with both Daddy and the other man and we are in negotiations right now. I am to start spending some time with this other man so that we can get to know each other better and see if this is something that we can all live with. We are also trying to negotiate around the BDSM aspect of it since the other man is in the lifestyle as well. Thank you all for all of your support and advice. Living in a poly relationship is new for me and I honestly didn’t know how to go about navigating it at all. It is really all about communication and compromises, and allowing for different personalities.
Honeycomb, you keep mentioning that your upbringing (the way you were raised to view marriage & fidelity) is an obstacle to you feeling fully comfortable with your polyamorous feelings. You also mention that you are worried that your Daddy's religion/culture/upbringing might also be an obstacle to him feeling comfortable with polyamory.
I just wanted to point out that you and he can certainly overcome the obstacle of previous "cultural conditioning" about what is acceptable in a relationship. After you, you both already did so, didn't you? Your upbringing/religion did not tell you to have a D/s Daddy/Baby Girl relationship, right? Nor did it tell you that you can have threesomes for fun?
You figured out that you wanted those things, so you overcame the beliefs taught to you during your upbringing.
If you could overcome your upbringing in order to add kink & threesomes to your life, surely you can do the same to add more love to your life?
I just wanted to point out that you and he can certainly overcome the obstacle of previous "cultural conditioning" about what is acceptable in a relationship. After you, you both already did so, didn't you? Your upbringing/religion did not tell you to have a D/s Daddy/Baby Girl relationship, right? Nor did it tell you that you can have threesomes for fun?
You figured out that you wanted those things, so you overcame the beliefs taught to you during your upbringing.
If you could overcome your upbringing in order to add kink & threesomes to your life, surely you can do the same to add more love to your life?
