A bit unnerved-- open marriage/affair

She replied and was NOT happy. She went as far as being rude, and critiquing our marriage, while trying to compare it to hers. She had at least hoped to be friends with him, but we'd both decided, due to her lying life, that it was not a good idea.

We just rolled our eyes, hit the fabulous DELETE button, and then had to delete a text. Hoping this is the end and he has no more texts or emails. Arrggh.
 
Well, not surprising, really. He made the veil come down by telling her how he felt. People who are faced with the truth about themselves are generally not happy about it. They are used to people disappearing and not saying a word. He gave her a gift by what he did and said. She just hasn't seen it yet. The gift is reminding her of her own conscience. You and he should feel very proud about that and not for one moment feel anything more than pity for her. She can do with the info what she will, but I have known for myself that these things seep in somewhere unexpected and do cause change. Hopefully she will thank him for it when she realizes the gift of reminding her of another path that is more virtuous and respectful.
 
She texted again, a 3 parter, yes, lots of words, saying, "For your information, we did marriage counselling for 2 yrs and he wouldn't contribute" blah blah blah, that she chooses to stay and live a secret life for the happiness of her kids.

Does she really think they won't find out at some point that the marriage they watched their parents have was loveless and full of lies? She said that because they tried counselling and it didn't help, that she doesn't feel guilty at all for her actions.

We just keep deleting them, but I think something may be started here. I just hope she stops when she realizes he isn't going to answer her. I must say, I was very tempted to copy/paste her email, and then reply from my own private email. But I want this over, not ongoing. So I am biting my tongue, so to speak. Well, actually, just venting here, I guess. haha
 
She has a lot of nerve to lecture you about your marriage and she's not even your husband's girlfriend! She's some lady he was flirty-chatting with online that he met for coffee ONCE. If this is how she is NOW, can you imagine having her in your life if only vicariously? What a good thing she doesn't know your last name or where you live! But I'd watch out because you can track people down through their cell phone number. There are websites that do it for a small fee. If she's as screwy as she sounds I wouldn't put it past her to resort to "self-help". You know what they say about women scorned (I think it applies to men sometimes too).

It sounds like she'd be a better match for a man who is also cheating on his wife, not for a man who is trying to establish a "polyamorous" lifestyle.
 
LOL. Yeah, Ariakas and Redpepper, he feels a lot of relief that this is over. Well, on our end. So far, no more texts.

Ygirl, I actually put his number in a 411 website reverse look up and it gives nothing. Phew. The last thing I want is this woman who feels scorned by a man who stands by his beliefs showing up at my door.

I especially LOVED her comment after her full-on rant and lecture, that she ended it with-- "Should you change your mind, you know where to find me." LMAO. Yeah, sure.
 
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HCgirl78 said:
Ygirl I actually put his number in a 411 website reverse look up and it gives nothing phew...last thing i want is this woman who feels scorned by a man who stands by his beliefs showing up at my door
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Did you pay money? A lot of those places have "advanced" searches where the more money you spend, the more information you will get. If you only used one service and didn't even feed it any money, I wouldn't be so quick to say "phew". It all depends how crazy she is. You don't have to be THAT crazy to part with $10, $15, or even $30. For around $100 you can even have a LIR (Licensed Investigator Report) done, which will give the person's home address and phone number, among other things. All they would have to do is say they needed this in order to file a case in small-claims court. It doesn't have to be true. I know this because I had to take someone to small-claims court and all I had was his cell phone number. The LIR service didn't ask me for any evidence or proof that I needed this information for what I said I needed it for. He thought he was being so clever, cashing my check at one of those third-party check-cashing places s I wouldn't be able to trace him through his bank account. Anyway, when I looked it up for free, it did the same thing - it's a cell-phone number, and they typically don't get published unless the owner makes a point to do so. Sign up for a "basic" search for $10 or $15 and you get a name or a list of people with similar names. Spring for an "advanced" search ($50-$75) and you get addresses associated with the names. Spend a little more and you get the exact person's name and a lot of other goodies. Unless, you have one of those pay-as-you-go cell phones, with the pre-paid phone cards. Those are usually a lot harder to trace. If you have one like that you are probably ok, but if you have a service plan in your real name(s), there is a way you could be tracked down. I hope it doesn't come to that. Maybe she'll find a cheating husband to cheat with instead.
 
No, it's a free site that I know most people use. I know other sites I can check, but when we both got our phones, we had it so it comes up private name but does give our number. I did tell him that next time he finds any potential partner (not married and lying) that we should use our old pay and talk phones we have, which we haven't deactivated, as we had money on them still.

Our son is approaching the teen years, so we are thinking he would use one of ours so we can keep track of him.

But for now, we have learned we need a few more safeguards in place and that we won't put ourselves in that situation again.
 
YGirl said:
Polyamory and "alternative lifestyles" are all just grooovy (with 3 o's), but consider yourself extremely fortunate that you have ONE good relationship, which is a more than a lot of people have. Every day I am thankful for my husband, and if that is all I get for the rest of my life, I will have nothing to be sorry for.
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I'm late to this party and this is somewhat OT from the OP, but just wanted to highlight this quote from YGirl... Well said.
 
HCgirl78 said:
She went as far as being rude and critiquing our marriage, while trying to compare it to hers.
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Typical response from someone who knows they're full of shit and trying to deflect attention. Obviously you and your husband have a better relationship, given that at a bare minimum, you know whom one another is sleeping with.

HCgirl78 said:
I did tell him that next time he finds any potential partner (not married and lying) that we should use our old pay and talk phones.
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Not a bad idea. I'm really careful about whom I give my phone number to. I'm a little paranoid sometimes, but then I hear these crazy stalker stories and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and justified in my paranoia. I try to make most of my plans online until I know someone really well.

FYI, even a pay-as-you-go phone can be traced unless you paid cash for both the phone and minutes. Even then, someone crazy enough, with the right ties and backing could access your phone logs and pretty much locate you that way. The Verizon/Bell/AT&T/Telus customer service agent doesn't make nearly enough money to really protect your privacy when offered an appropriate bribe, and any one of them can access the past 18 months of call logs.
 
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