OnePlusOne
New member
I don't know how to start this other than I am angry but really trying to find my zen.
Here is the story. I met a guy back in the summer of 2016. I fell HARD. He's intelligent, good looking, bi-polar and had a girlfriend but they weren't doing well AT ALL.
He's 43 and I am 48. He was trying to get out of his relationship but had a 2 year old which didn't help things. He also has a 11 year old and 13 year old from a previous marriage.
We had this INSANE sexual relationship that went on for 6 months. I saw him every chance he had. He gave me as much as he could in the situation. He was exploring the idea of being poly and while this isn't for me (at least if I am in love with someone otherwise I don't care) it was falling on deaf ears. Then I had to move for 4 months and when I got back things were weird. He was finally in the middle of a nasty break up with his GF of 3 years. One night he told me how he met this beautiful girl that was funny, witty and he would hope to get to know her better. This came out of the blue and I was like WTF? Why would he just text me this? Then I responded with "does she know how f***ED up you are? That promptly ended our relationship. I wrote a beautiful, raw email a week later that went without a response. I was in such bad shape for months. I put myself in therapy and learned how to function again.
Fast forward a year... and I never stopped thinking about him. I often wondered how he was doing but never contacted him. Then 5 days before the one year when we stopped talking, I sent him an email and asked said "hope you are well"... he responded a day later telling me how he was going to write me in a few days (I believe this) but that I had beat him to it. He was so happy that I wrote and was glad we were in contact. He wrote me an email telling me that the last year (when we didn't talk) was full of pain, custody battles, drunk driving accidents etc. It was ugly. I'm glad we weren't in contact and he said he was glad we weren't either because it was all too messy. Now he is living alone but obviously in relationships.
A week later we met up. I drank a little too much at the restaurant because I was nervous. He did not. We talked and he said anything he told me about his current life would be hurtful. Knowing that the alcohol was a barrier I said.. sure.. go head and tell me... so he's in a relationship with a girl that is an open marriage. Ok... then he might have said he was with someone else but I was just in some weird mind frame.
He also admitted to me that he had fallen in love with me when we were together a year ago etc... I was surprised but this but it felt nice. He doesn't engage with me near as much because I know his brain is "somewhere else"...
We planned on getting together Wed night but last week he said tonight would be better so I moved my plans a bit. I had only heard from his this morning via text that he would bring champagne... 6:30pm and nothing so finally I text him and ask him when he will be here. He said around 8 or 8:15 which in his world means 9pm. I felt pissed and defeated. I said "maybe another night when you can get here after work would be better perhaps"... I said I am available all next week until next Tues (going out of town until the end of June) and I said let me know what would work for you. He said "next Monday would be great!"...
I said.. listen.. if you can get here REALLY at 8 (knowing how he works) and he said "lets just make it next Monday"... WOW... WTF? Am I an after thought or what? I had even said to him earlier in the week that I don't want to be a "gap filler".. he said "well, if you feel that way, RUN!".....Its I am who I am and if you can't take... BYE attitude. So here I am all dolled up and confused.
I *AM* clearly being fitted into small amounts of his free time.. even tonight I am sure he was relieved that I cancelled because he was probably on a date. He's on Ashely Madison.. that's where he meets people from what I understand.
I feel like SHITE. Can you lovely people enlighten me? By the way, I don't judge people who want to be poly. My mom was a hippy and taught me to live and let live... I'm an open minded person but because I deeply love someone poly (or trying to be poly) I am hurt and confused.
If you got this far, thanks.
Here is the story. I met a guy back in the summer of 2016. I fell HARD. He's intelligent, good looking, bi-polar and had a girlfriend but they weren't doing well AT ALL.
He's 43 and I am 48. He was trying to get out of his relationship but had a 2 year old which didn't help things. He also has a 11 year old and 13 year old from a previous marriage.
We had this INSANE sexual relationship that went on for 6 months. I saw him every chance he had. He gave me as much as he could in the situation. He was exploring the idea of being poly and while this isn't for me (at least if I am in love with someone otherwise I don't care) it was falling on deaf ears. Then I had to move for 4 months and when I got back things were weird. He was finally in the middle of a nasty break up with his GF of 3 years. One night he told me how he met this beautiful girl that was funny, witty and he would hope to get to know her better. This came out of the blue and I was like WTF? Why would he just text me this? Then I responded with "does she know how f***ED up you are? That promptly ended our relationship. I wrote a beautiful, raw email a week later that went without a response. I was in such bad shape for months. I put myself in therapy and learned how to function again.
Fast forward a year... and I never stopped thinking about him. I often wondered how he was doing but never contacted him. Then 5 days before the one year when we stopped talking, I sent him an email and asked said "hope you are well"... he responded a day later telling me how he was going to write me in a few days (I believe this) but that I had beat him to it. He was so happy that I wrote and was glad we were in contact. He wrote me an email telling me that the last year (when we didn't talk) was full of pain, custody battles, drunk driving accidents etc. It was ugly. I'm glad we weren't in contact and he said he was glad we weren't either because it was all too messy. Now he is living alone but obviously in relationships.
A week later we met up. I drank a little too much at the restaurant because I was nervous. He did not. We talked and he said anything he told me about his current life would be hurtful. Knowing that the alcohol was a barrier I said.. sure.. go head and tell me... so he's in a relationship with a girl that is an open marriage. Ok... then he might have said he was with someone else but I was just in some weird mind frame.
He also admitted to me that he had fallen in love with me when we were together a year ago etc... I was surprised but this but it felt nice. He doesn't engage with me near as much because I know his brain is "somewhere else"...
We planned on getting together Wed night but last week he said tonight would be better so I moved my plans a bit. I had only heard from his this morning via text that he would bring champagne... 6:30pm and nothing so finally I text him and ask him when he will be here. He said around 8 or 8:15 which in his world means 9pm. I felt pissed and defeated. I said "maybe another night when you can get here after work would be better perhaps"... I said I am available all next week until next Tues (going out of town until the end of June) and I said let me know what would work for you. He said "next Monday would be great!"...
I said.. listen.. if you can get here REALLY at 8 (knowing how he works) and he said "lets just make it next Monday"... WOW... WTF? Am I an after thought or what? I had even said to him earlier in the week that I don't want to be a "gap filler".. he said "well, if you feel that way, RUN!".....Its I am who I am and if you can't take... BYE attitude. So here I am all dolled up and confused.
I *AM* clearly being fitted into small amounts of his free time.. even tonight I am sure he was relieved that I cancelled because he was probably on a date. He's on Ashely Madison.. that's where he meets people from what I understand.
I feel like SHITE. Can you lovely people enlighten me? By the way, I don't judge people who want to be poly. My mom was a hippy and taught me to live and let live... I'm an open minded person but because I deeply love someone poly (or trying to be poly) I am hurt and confused.
If you got this far, thanks.
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