The story of Spork.

I'm trying to process some of my personal dissonance that this situation has brought up for me, in light of some of the stuff in our community.

We take consent culture very seriously and I generally like that. For the most part. There are many situations that were always considered "normal" and "acceptable" that I always heard about growing up, that I really believe are very unacceptable...such as getting a person really drunk, in order to get them in bed. The whole business of why "girly" drinks have so much more alcohol in them, and guys "buy girls drinks" and all that. Good example of what I see as coercive behavior that could stop, and that'd be great, if it did.

But I fear we can go a bit too far with the "informed, enthusiastic consent" standards if we aren't being reasonable and I think that there are times when a person's rights to structure their own relationships (once they are in them!) need to supersede generalization. And yeah, significantly, I think that the word rape is a very serious thing to throw out there, and I often prefer "consent violation" for the many grey areas that are shy of forcibly forcing sex on someone who is unwilling and has clearly communicated unwillingness. Reading cues can be a complicated business, and there are a lot of very situational factors that I would expect could be confusing. Of course once someone has clearly stated, "You do not have my consent, I am saying NO to you" in some fashion, then one doesn't get to claim ambiguity any longer.

An example here: If I, in my relationship with Zen, where we have this whole established sex life, am sleeping in bed next to him, and he should wake up with an urge to play, he can touch me and begin to arouse me. Now, I have TOLD him that he can do this. So there is that. But if any boyfriend tried this, and we had already an established thing and were sexually active together, I would expect he's got an assumption on the side of "I probably have her consent." I might still say no, like if I'm seriously exhausted and I really need the sleep and I just can't or something...and I'd expect him to respect it, if I did. But I'm not going to call his attempt, rape. Or even a "consent violation." And while I do think it's definitely, like spousal rape and partner rape is legit, it's a thing that does happen, I'm not saying it doesn't...but I think that there is a different threshold there.

When you are trying to pick up a stranger or put moves on a date, you don't have the established context or framework, I do think it's sensible to err on the side of caution and getting more explicit forms of consent and making quite sure you aren't violating anyone, for sure. But my god, I'd HOPE that in a longterm, live in, sexual relationship, that eventually people would be able to relax and the default is "probably yes" unless a clear "no" is stated.

And so when I'm contemplating, the situation, with no information, no way of knowing what did or didn't occur, and knowing what (admittedly not a ton) I do about those involved in all this...and feeling that the bar of extremity to call it "rape" in the kind of relationship structure that (to the best of my knowledge) the individuals involved had...I struggle to understand the couple I know, who really do seem like decent human beings, meeting that bar. Some sort of a misunderstanding that was in effect a consent violation that should necessitate communication and behavioral changes within a relationship...maybe, sure...but you don't call people out as having raped you, if it's along those lines. Not even if you've just had the most acrimonious break up of all time, you don't.

So that's why all this has my head full of a cloud of question marks, and I feel like, either tell me everything or let me stay out of it, because...how can I have any loyalty at all, if I flip on people and easily accept that they are rapists and abusers, when I know nothing. And, too, while my knee-jerk is to say I'd far prefer to be left entirely out of it... If a friend needed to confide, ask for support, for a listener, I would hear them. If I had doubts, I most fucking definitely wouldn't undermine their feelings or position by expressing them, and depending on what I was told, it could affect my opinions of other people. But this whole Facebook call-out thing... Yeah, I just don't dig it.

If any of my community reads this and gets angry that I'm doing anything short of standing fully behind one of our own...I'm sorry. Really. But it doesn't feel authentic of me to do so at this time.
 
Q just texted me. He has finals and he said that he did his final in first period and the rest are classes he's failing and so he wanted to know if I'd pick him up and take him home.

I wish I could smack him upside the head right now.

We literally last week got a notice that if he continued to be truant in school, he could go to juvenile detention, and to whatever extent I was enabling his truancy, I could go to jail, and he figures hey what the hell, I'm failing anyways, let me skip out on the finals. For real?

I told him no, and I told him that if he was telling the truth that he actually understood any of the material (I doubt he does, but whatever) then he could actually save a grade by doing well on the final, so I needed him to stay and try.

He said, "Alright" but went on to say he was just asking because he was starving and wouldn't get to eat for a couple more hours.

It's so frustrating with him. I know teenagers have big appetites and all that, but I buy him literally ANY grocery thing he asks for, within like 24 hours, all he's got to do is text and ask for it. And I make sure he's got endless lunch money, no limit, seriously. He has every possible opportunity to eat anything he wants. But he acts like he's being starved and deprived and life is so, so terrible.

And to expect me to pull him out of school, just because...well...for ANY reason, at this point... This kid I swear.

So with regard to yesterday's situation...I'm just going to try to stay out of it, unless I get more information. I'm not making any big statements by unfriending anyone on social media, and if that's a problem for anyone then THEY can kick me out of their social circle.

Sometimes, once in a while, I think man, I hope that Zen was not TOO invested in having a popular extrovert of a girlfriend, and can accept me if one day I want to stop "people-ing" so much and stay home with my puzzles more. Oh, I'm working on a really nice one now. It's this shiny foil-holographic thing with peacocks and white tigers and a pool and fountain, and this sort of machine hanging down from the ceiling, it's really beautiful. And very challenging!
 
I'm with you on the consent violation thing, Spork.
Believing the victim vs. the presumption of innocence ... well, I think the later was quite a huge cultural leap forward that we don't want to undo completely, right?
Now, if someone is committing unethical behavior repeatedly with multiple 'victims' it's important to make potential play-partners alert (and possibly expel them from the community.) But someone accused of rape in a relationship that's supposed to be sexual... well... that's word against word.
 
Tinwen said:
I'm with you on the consent violation thing, Spork.
Believing the victim vs. the presumption of innocence ... well, I think the later was quite a huge cultural leap forward that we don't want to undo completely, right?
Now, if someone is committing unethical behavior repeatedly with multiple 'victims' it's important to make potential play-partners alert (and possibly expel them from the community.) But someone accused of rape in a relationship that's supposed to be sexual... well... that's word against word.
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Even in a word against word situation...I personally fall back on what I know of people's character. And I don't mean any kind of "what was someone wearing" or their sexual history or any of that bullshit, obviously. I mean, out of those involved, who seems like reasonable people, does anyone seem super-dramatic and emotionally messy? Nothing wrong with having issues and getting support from friends, but if I've seen you in crisis mode over who-knows-what a ton of times, and you're known for demanding attention, I might factor that shit in, if you go nuclear on some people who seem pretty chill. And the couple, I've known them since I came into the scene. They seem pretty laid back for the most part, pretty reasonable people. They MIGHT have questionable judgment in who they associate closely with, since they were first in company of Viking, a dude who was super messy in his personal life and wound up in jail for something to do with a minor...and now they have for years been involved with this other person... Like this is something I've learned the hard way a number of times in my life. Be careful who you let "in." Who you date, who you have at your house a lot.

Not that I can be on a high horse about that, because toward the end of the marriage, I (and the ex) let sketchy people into our lives, and it was one of them, Pirate, who was really the catalyst that blew everything to bits in that household. You have to protect yourself from those who create crisis, who seem to thrive on it, unless you're prepared to deal with whatever energy they bring into your life. I guess.

More has come to light but I am going to back off talking about it here, in detail, because I don't really want to get too deep into other people's personal shit here where it'll exist forever on the internet. I need to be more careful about that sort of thing. But suffice to say that what I've heard of the situations...it really sounds like a matter of the individual shifting boundaries and not clearly communicating that until well after they'd been violated. You cannot expect people to read minds, and if they're playing the way you've always played and it was always ok, and now it's not, you kind of need to say something when it's happening. I still cannot get behind any effort to blacklist this couple. I hate it, because I like the individual, and don't want to be seen as stepping to the other side of a line in the sand, but I didn't draw that line. They did. I've already been unfriended on social media and utterly ignored at a recent party. Okie-dokie then, I guess. That's their call.

Fact is, if I'd been asked to give the kind of support I am best at giving, I would have. I'll always listen, give compassion, even mediate or give advice if it's wanted. What I won't do, is join in conflict and go to "war" socially, that is really not my thing.

......

In other news, it's been a busy weekend. We had two play parties and we scened at both. Got good social time, including some fun interaction with the always fun Supernova. Got the last load of stuff out of Zen's storage unit, so he can start saving money on that. Made a big step into more committed involvement in club stuff. Talked to Fire, finished my jigsaw puzzle, watched some movies and played some games and had some sex with my Zen. Now I just hope I don't drop like a stone today or tomorrow, as between the energy of the weekend and where I'm at hormonally, that seems possible. I'll be on guard against the possibility.

I got a big back patch with the club logo, honored with that at the anniversary party a little while back. And then Fire gave me a leather vest, and a gift of leather is a sort of symbolic thing, so that's cool. I wasn't crazy about the laces in the sides, so I removed those, and I am replacing them (they were obviously cut of leather scrap, and I wanted something better.) I decided, hey, I'll fall back on the skills from my childhood here, and make a friendship bracelet style cord to use. It is (ha ha) in shades of grey, only 3, not 50. I'm over halfway through work on the second lace now. Once I finish that, I'm going to sew the patch on, and I definitely want it done before Thunder in the Mountains in July, though I expect I'll have it finished in the next week or so.

This reminds me of the last time I made a friendship bracelet. It was some years back, and there was this guy, Greg. Greg was GWAR people, he was almost a legend in the fan community. He was a big, childlike, mentally stunted and heavily drug addicted man. He freaked some people out (including the singer) by acting weird, but there were a few fans who made an effort to keep an eye on him at events. In the Facebook group at the time, he was known for erratic posts with all caps and too many commas (in a row.) The dude was odd. At one point online, he said he had no friends, and I said, "I'll be your friend, Greg. You need a friendship bracelet or something, buddy?" and he said, "I WANT A,,,FRIENDSHIP,,,BRACELET!1!" or some such, which I guess was probably a joke. But you know, I decided what the hell right, so I actually made him one. It was wide, kind of like a cuff woven of embroidery floss like ya do, and once I finished, I sewed a bloodsplatter looking "GWAR" onto it, and painted little eyeballs on it. I put it in a Christmas card, and mailed it to him (but with no return address lol...I didn't really want this goon to know where I lived.) He was so touched. So very happy. A few months later, we'd heard he was getting sober and had a job and his life was stabilizing and I was happy to hear that. Then late one night he was riding his bicycle home from work, and was struck and killed by a drunk driver.
 
I've got arrangements in place for getting our stupid washer fixed on Friday, YAY, and the old dryer hauled off from our garage. I'm pretty happy about all that! We have had some crazy bad luck with appliances in this place, first there were burners on the stove shorting out and needing replaced, the water heater came apart at the seams, then the laundry machines started going on the fritz. Man. If it ain't one thing...

At least the property management has been reasonably responsive in helping us get stuff fixed. I need to twiddle with the toilet in the half bath though, I thought I had that fixed but it's still making noises and I think it has a slow leak...

And of course there is the sliding door. I wanted to make sure it wasn't something as basic as the amount of dirt that had accumulated in the track, I cleaned it and oiled it and that still hasn't fixed the problem. Later, in a couple weeks or something, I'll see about getting someone on that I guess.

My mind has wandered a bit this morning. I had a thought, regarding sadists in my community. I did realize and acknowledge at some point, before I met Zen, that what I call a "streak of natural sadism" is something I wanted in a partner. The reason I say this, is that as a bottom and a masochist, I was looking for something a bit beyond the feeling that my partner was learning and doing these activities to spice up an otherwise vanilla sex life or in a playful or hedonistic way, or just because they knew I wanted it. I wanted a partner who, playing around the level where I wanted to be playing, would also get arousal and satisfaction and joy from our play. Something genuine. Where it is a need they have. What Zen and I experience is a beautiful flow of energy in this, and it's exactly what I wanted.

Since then though, every time I say something positive about the "real" sadists, there's some guy (it's always been a guy, but I can envision a woman or two who might do similar) who feels the need to not only declare that they are a sadist, but also to go on to describe something they fantasize about or have sort of threatened a sub with. Something over the top, probably very dangerous and likely to cause real harm and damage or death. And they say this as though it is supposed to impress me or something? It's like they are trying to come off as really edgy but to me, it just sounds so pretentious. It is definitely NOT impressive or appealing. And it kind of leaves me with this feeling that the only women they're likely to find to play with, are pretty much idiots.

I dunno, just another "WTF is wrong with people?" moment in my head, I guess.
 
I need to share (and chew) some thoughts that spun out from a conversation that I had with a friend.

Part of this was to do with the nature of "solo poly" and I was that when I was doing poly, pretty much. It was by design, I was living alone on purpose for at least a year after I moved out of Old Wolf's house, and I was avoiding plans to commit or escalate in my relationships. I didn't want to be too serious. Mostly I wanted to take the time to find my footing, make sure I was healed and recovered emotionally and materially enough to be a decent and reliable partner myself, figure out what I could reasonably and happily do, make sure my picker wasn't broken, and that I was making wise choices in partners...all of that. I felt that a year long lease at minimum, would do it. I would retain my independence for a while. The solo poly thing, seemed to be a good fit.

But there is a thing, I'm noticing with being partnered, especially compared to when I was first out of the gates of the breakup and had no one I felt truly answerable to. It is a lot easier to act with responsibility, to do smart and safe things, when I have an obligation to a partner, or partners, and the more committed it gets, the more that is the case. Compared to simply having an obligation to myself to be smart and safe. Why was it so easy to disregard my own safety and take risks when I didn't have a partner to be accountable to? I still had kids who needed me for crying out loud, and I should in theory have had enough regard for myself to be careful. I mean, I love life, and I have no desire to die or anything! But I took risks.

And there is one risk in particular, that if I did not have Zen's feelings to consider, I'm not sure if I'd refrain from engaging with, of course that is the Worm King. And it interests me to feel like well...I know I am doing the right thing here. The choice I should be willing to make for myself, even if Zen were not part of the picture, would be to stay away from a risky partner who kind of jerked me around and wasn't good for my emotional health. I will set aside the question of whether he was realistically dangerous, because I don't think he was...but the safe practices for sexual health were't there, and he never really respected my time, I don't think. For my OWN reasons I should be 100% of the mindset to not mess with that risk. But it does in fact take having a partner I love, whose feelings matter a lot to me, being there to say that he is really not ok with that, for me to feel solid about it. And I'm grateful, but I'm wondering why I would not make good choices for myself if I will make them for Zen.

This does echo to some things I talked to my friend about, but I prefer to discuss myself here. Her business is hers.

And I think that when one is solo poly, or otherwise not under the direct...I dunno, supervision?...of a live-in partner... One does in fact have some obligation to hold themselves as their own primary partner, and be willing to step up to the responsibility that comes with the freedom and power of doing so. Even if it's hard to do what is right for one's safety and sanity and wellbeing for one's OWN sake rather than falling back on what a partner would want of us, one in that situation really does need to cultivate a relationship with themselves that is healthy, to be successful in that lifestyle (solo poly living situations.) One has to make peace with one's own needs and find ways to meet them that aren't dangerous, frankly. And for some of us, that's a lot of work, when there are ways to get unhealthy but strong and easy "fixes" to our states of unmet needs and emotional dissatisfaction.

For me, there is a restlessness that happens when I'm alone too much. And social connection does not always seem to be available when I need it, and I sort of drift around the house feeling fussy and unable or unwilling to engage with any activities. I have stuff I feel like I should be doing, but I don't want to do any of it. I get pretty tense and a bit irritable. This hasn't really been much of a problem for me in a while, but it's because I found a mechanism to deal with it. And that was jigsaw puzzles. As silly as it sounds, what is going on is that my mind needs something to exert a near-obsessive level of energy and interest in. Something that feels nearly addictive to focus on. It commands the function of a whole section of my mind. In the meanwhile, as I am working on one, I'll often put on music that I like, and that occupies whatever part of my brain that's not already working.

I have found that since I started purposefully doing this from time to time, I really don't have any of that restlessness that makes my mind spin off into directions I don't want it to. And that's not just my fussiting over the Worm King, that's also a whole host of insecurities and negative thoughts and feelings. Doing this, frankly, has been just plain old good for my mental health. I can do a puzzle even if I am not of a good mindset to work on, say, an art project.

And you know, I find myself wondering if I should offer to lend a puzzle to my friend. Because the feelings she was describing sound very familiar to me, and the way she's handled them sound like something that, in other times of my life, I might have done.
 
OH MY GOD.

Trump was supposedly meeting with families of victims of the Texas school shooting, and he apparently made a weird point of commenting on the shooter's appearance, and called him...wait for it...

"wacky."

Please. Please I am begging you people. Please tell me that SOMEONE here has read the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics and knows what is going through my head right now. Please.
 
I loved the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics years ago!
 
breathemusic said:
I loved the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics years ago!
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The word, "wacky" has never been the same for me since, I tell ya.

I will never forget the first time I noticed Invader Zim on a TV screen, my kids were pretty little and the TV was just sort of left on Nickelodeon that day, and I happened into the room and did a double take.

WHO THE HELL GAVE JHONEN VASQUEZ A KIDS' SHOW??

I said. Like...did no one read his comics? Who decided this was a good idea?

I love Invader Zim and all. But... I don't think anyone ever read JTHM and thought, "You know, that guy should make cartoons for children."

Of course I let my kids watch it, though.

But then my kids were probably 2 of the ONLY kids who immediately recognized the mashup of GWAR songs in the "Codename: Kids Next Door" episode, "Operation: F.O.O.D.F.I.T.E." When they were like...9 and 6 years old.
 
Wow, see, I have never actually paid attention to the people who are behind shows and had no idea about the link between Invader Zim and JTHM. But it makes sense now and I loved that show as well. In fact, I have an Invader Zim blanket that I keep at work for when I'm cold! I miss the days of good cartoons. Though I do enjoy that now there are actually adult "cartoons" and animated shows, so I guess that covers it. But kids cartoons these days are often garbage (in that I see stuff that doesn't even make any sense).
 
breathemusic said:
Wow, see, I have never actually paid attention to the people who are behind shows and had no idea about the link between Invader Zim and JTHM. But it makes sense now and I loved that show as well. In fact, I have an Invader Zim blanket that I keep at work for when I'm cold! I miss the days of good cartoons. Though I do enjoy that now there are actually adult "cartoons" and animated shows, so I guess that covers it. But kids cartoons these days are often garbage (in that I see stuff that doesn't even make any sense).
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Well since mine are teenagers now, I don't have the endless cartoon reel on in the background of life now. No, now it's Youtube videos of people playing video games and saying stuff.

So I don't really know what the kids' shows are like anymore. I remember enjoying some of them. The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy introduced me to the musician, Voltaire, and he's one of my favorites now. He did a song called "Brains!" for an episode with a meteor that...well...ate brains.

And I loved Courage the Cowardly Dog. Kind of miss that. In the 90's we had a lot of "adult" cartoons. I used to really enjoy The Maxx, and Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. But those things were either on MTV, and/or on late at night. It was the beginning of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. But C.N. was sensible enough then, that Adult Swim was late night TV, and I think they started airing those shows at earlier times somewhere along the way, which as a parent of smallish children at the time, I didn't appreciate. I mean, I have always been a bit too permissive, but...not THAT permissive...

I often find myself waxing nostalgic about when my kids were littler. Seeing toys in Walmart gets to me, because I remember when I'd go shopping and wander the toys and think of my kids and what they'd like and how happy they'd be getting some of those things. They were so much easier to please, even if it was expensive and I hate to think how much I spent over the years. And they were so adorable and affectionate. It can be so much more easily...rewarding...being a parent when they're little, I think. When they are teenagers, you get to be proud of them when they do things, but you can end up with kids like mine who are kinda slackers and then what? You're just stuck running out the clock with lazy, messy, expensive people in your house who totally take you for granted and don't want to hang out and think you don't know anything about anything. Can't treat 'em like kids, can't treat 'em like adults, because they are both and neither.

I mean it could be worse. Of course. They could have joined gangs, been involved with drugs and/or crime. Could be the kind of teen boys who are physically abusive towards their single mother, I've seen that. They aren't those things. I think they have the makings of the kind of kids who eventually make their way in the world, and eventually have a decent relationship with their parents, as one adult to another. One hopes.
 
Hey you guys.

Zen hasn't seen "Idiocracy."

I'm pretty delighted, we're gonna watch it tonight...

(It's got electrolytes.) :D
 
:p
Spork said:
Hey you guys.

Zen hasn't seen "Idiocracy."

I'm pretty delighted, we're gonna watch it tonight...

(It's got electrolytes.) :D
Click to expand...

:eek::p:D:):mad:
 
Hi, Mags!

Zen enjoyed the movie. I feel like it's kind of a must-see for how often it's referred to in culture and how prophetic it sometimes seems to be. I mean, I even referred to Trump as "Comacho" more than once when he was elected.

And Zen's got another interview today for the job with my company he has applied for, which would be better hours and less stress I think than where he's at. So positive thoughts for Zen!

I just realized my stupid cell phone is dead again and I have no idea how long it's been that way. I know I truly should get a new phone, but so far, even thinking about it has been just one more hassle, another of those "things" that I so don't want to deal with. And I don't want to spend money. I should really at least go back up all of the content on my phone to my cloud drive or something, so that if it does die and need to be replaced, I can at least recover it all...
 
Ray is a giant Idiocracy fan. He feels president Camacho would be an improvement onTrump. Have you seen all the Terry Crews memes? He seems to be a worthwhile person indeed.

Leetah
 
Ugh. Man. There are times I think the universe might be telling me not to overestimate my own people-judging abilities.

You guys who read this might recall that when I was having problems with Jersey guy, I compared him to this other dude. The other dude was a big, ugly sort of fellow and he'd always been very respectful to me and other women as far as I've ever seen. I surmised that perhaps living with such a "scary" size and appearance made him approach other human beings differently. I mean sure he's made some crass jokes, but there is a placatory softness behind his behavior (towards me, at least) that I've felt he's harmless and not really a boundary pusher.

Well evidently what he feels is appropriate and respectful behavior, does not extend to men, or else I was just plain wrong about the guy.

Because Zen and I were talking at a party, and he snuck up behind Zen and "tickled" him, but this consisted of him roughly jabbing his fingers into Zen's sides/back/kidney areas. In a community where we stress that you don't touch people without permission, he felt that was cool? Zen was pretty pissed off, not only because he didn't especially want this dude pawing him, but also because he's been having some digestive discomforts and this actually hurt. BS frat kid behavior, not what we expect from adults in our scene. Very disappointing, at the least, from where I stand.

I was pondering something and this echoes it a little. I have said too that I fear very much, disappointing other people. I worry about it. I figured this had to do with my upbringing, with feeling that I was a disappointment to my parents because I wasn't more like other little girls, and I was a failure at various activities they tried to get me involved with, and struggled to make (peer) friends...yet would befriend adults like that was somehow normal. And with their various problems in life, as they seemed withdrawn from me, it felt as though their disappointment led to a lack of love. This would obviously make me feel sensitive to the notion of disappointing other people. But is there perhaps another side to this? I have not really given it much thought before now, but other people very often disappoint me.

Members of my family have disappointed me. Friends have disappointed me, those I tried in my past to have close, invested friendships with either turned out to be using me or after I moved, or they did, they did not stay in touch, and now won't even answer or return phone calls. I feel like, "I had hoped you really liked me, and I am disappointed that evidently you don't even want to talk." People I meet and form initially positive opinions of sometimes disappoint me once I get to know them. Random strangers disappoint me all the time.

Hell, just today, there is in another forum, a thread about the Brock Turner judge getting de-benched, and this woman (assuming she is actually a woman) is claiming to be a "victim's advocate" yet saying that the first thing she jumps all over is to establish when a victim is not in fact a victim at all, just someone who made bad choices, and that many alleged victims are just acting out of a sense of shame at their own behavior, and need to be set straight that they are not victims. And that those who claim to be, such as the woman in the Brock case, should be doxxed so that they can feel the full effect of the social backlash for their lying. She says that part of her "victim advocacy" is thusly making a world in which there are "fewer victims." The thread makes me actually sick reading it. It is gross beyond words.

Sometimes, despite my desire to see the best in people, I'm just disappointed in humanity.

So I am contemplating this in light of my whole "WOO" or "Winning Others Over" strength and my tendency to have a wide network of shallow connections rather than some smaller number of deeply rooted friendships, and my difficulty in investing and creating deep and long-lasting friendships, you know...and I wonder if it's something of a thing where low expectations and investment, leads to less pain from disappointment in people?

Maybe that, too, is why the relationship I've got with Zen, has been so good...we've taken our time in building investment and I don't feel that he has ever disappointed me yet. I mean...ok maybe a little at first that night with the John Denver music lol...but I got a great story out of that, so not really. I've never felt so safe with anyone. Safe from things like physical or emotional abandonment, and also from the feeling that I have utterly misjudged someone's character and they've completely let me down by suddenly being a stranger, someone I only thought I knew. I have yet to encounter a side of him that I could not love and accept.
 
Spork said:
Because Zen and I were talking at a party, and he snuck up behind Zen and "tickled" him, but this consisted of him roughly jabbing his fingers into Zen's sides/back/kidney areas. In a community where we stress that you don't touch people without permission, he felt that was cool? Zen was pretty pissed off, not only because he didn't especially want this dude pawing him, but also because he's been having some digestive discomforts and this actually hurt. BS frat kid behavior, not what we expect from adults in our scene. Very disappointing, at the least, from where I stand.
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I hope Zen told him off right away, or at least that you're going to tell the guy he's made a severe transgression. Maybe he can correct himself (and then your initial judgement was essentially right).

All of us got carried away a few times and stepped on people's toes before we learn.
 
Tinwen said:
I hope Zen told him off right away, or at least that you're going to tell the guy he's made a severe transgression. Maybe he can correct himself (and then your initial judgement was essentially right).

All of us got carried away a few times and stepped on people's toes before we learn.
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Yeah, Zen scolded him a few minutes after it happened, and I don't expect it will happen again.

I was honestly just surprised. I don't think the dude would have done that to a woman, and I would have thought he would know better than to do that to another guy. It almost reminded me of some kind of weird immature posturing, getting physical with another man with his girlfriend standing there, like "Rararararghle, there tough guy I gotcha harrr" kind of foolishness you would maybe expect from teenagers, or college kids, or young Army guys--lord some of the ways they jackass around at "family" BBQs and such...but enlisted soldiers are basically overgrown children, from everything I saw. The military is like extended strict parental supervision, but barely concealed beneath the veneer of discipline is more or less a middle school locker room.

But this man is not in his 20's and even though Zen looks younger than he is by at least a good 10 years, he doesn't really put off the vibe of "hey come grab and fuck with me! Come at me bro!" like a MUCH younger man might. It was weird.

I just feel sometimes that the universe reminds me not to be too cocky about my original assessments of people and assume I really know what to expect from them. This isn't the first time lately that someone has acted contrary to my expectations, and there is definitely an element of ego there when I assume I know what's what with somebody because I'm just oh, so good at reading people... Well yeah maybe not.

Thanks for the lesson, universe, you're a jerk. :rolleyes:

In other news, I just got done with a few hours at the DMV, getting Q his learner's permit. Now he's got a proper ID (well, a temporary paper one until it arrives in the mail) and I can begin teaching him to drive. Also, we pulled through a nearby Arby's afterwards and I asked if they were hiring, and they are! So I'm going to help him put in a job application there. He needs to get his first fast food/entry level job thing and that would be a great place if they hired him...
 
Is there something going on with the stars right now that says that "Hey Capricorn, have fun dealing with all of the bitchy Libras you know being super bitchy today!"

My ex wants to take Q to the range tomorrow. They aren't spending most weekends together anymore now because Q isn't that into gaming and Ninja has gone off to Job Corps. So the ex isn't really having that much time with our youngest. They did go see Deadpool 2 not long ago but that's about it. Father's Day of course is this weekend, and the ex loves going shooting especially with Q because Q is a really good shot. So the plan was for Q to spend the night down there tonight, and they'd go early in the morning. Of course, Old Wolf was hoping that Q would help load ammo, because it's kind of a big job.

That was the plan. But this morning, Q came to me, bitching and complaining he doesn't like to sleep out in the camper because there are bugs or spiders that will bite him, he said he's still recovering from the last time (what? That had to have been months ago. What? No.) And he doesn't want to mess up his hands, getting all "cut up" loading ammo and getting grease on his hands, and can't I just drive him down early in the morning so he can go shoot and that's it. (I would have to do this at like 5 or 6 am... :mad:) I thought about it. Talked to Wolf about it briefly. He said that no, the boy could not simply tag along for shooting, if he was going, he needed to help load ammo, and if he didn't come down overnight, he'd have to be there at like 4am to help get it done in time, and he was pissed off.

I came this close to throwing some kind of "you afraid to break a nail, or scuff your manicure" attitude at the kid, but...I didn't. I did however emphasize that this was Father's Day coming up here, it was what his Dad really wanted, and could he please just endure the discomfort and cope and go along. He relented.

So I contacted the ex, and told him, go ahead and pick the boy up tonight. And got a bunch of paragraph-texts (both of them do this) full of "well if he doesn't care, and doesn't want to spend time with me, then I don't have to go out of my way, and I just thought for Father's Day, and I didn't expect to get nothin' from the boys, so this was me trying to give myself a Father's Day present, but if he doesn't want to, I won't force him to spend time with me," and waaa waa waaa...

-.-

So I said, LOOK. The boy was just being bitchy. I talked him off his ledge. If you aim a bunch of negative vibes at him, he might back out again and if that happens, I'm done with it. I did what I could. I'm not going to spend the day running interference between you two.

Gah.

This kind of melodrama is what I used to deal with pretty much daily... Again I am thanking all the stars for my Zen and his chill attitude. It never stops being wonderful, that I have a partner who doesn't make me want to bang my forehead against a wall.

Everything is precariously balanced in place. Nobody touch anything. I don't want to set off these delicate Libras again for fucks sakes.

Last night there was a discussion group at the club. I got there before the lady who leads the group. She wasn't able to get the door open, so I did (part of my shiny new privileges there) and it was my understanding that I needed to disarm the security panel whenever I unlocked the club. So I entered the code and pushed the button. And lights blinked and it made bleepy noises and I was confused. I tried it again. I'm quite sure I was doing it right as I'd been shown. But I wasn't sure if this one light was supposed to be blinky, and it continued to periodically make "bloop" noises at us for the next couple hours. But no police showed up, so I guess it was fine. Really need to get another quick lesson with one of the more experienced people regarding that thingie so I can feel better that I'm operating it correctly...

Again, I wonder...who told these people that I am an adult that they should give adulty responsibilities to? *sigh*
 
There is a conversation on Facebook today, the owner of a venue up in Denver wants to maybe do swinger type events now and again. She is trying to work out best practices on that, because of a very common problem to swinger parties... We don't really want to discriminate or price based on gender, because we want to be all inclusive and whatnot right, and respectful of our non-binary folks, and so on and so forth. But if you don't do something to control it, apparently these events will quickly become sausage-fests full of mostly hetero-cis-male types who want to get laid, with nowhere near enough ladies willing to engage with even most of them, let alone enough to have a decent balance of people willing to play with each other. Just like "Ladies' Night" at the bar, they need to draw women in, and then the men will show up, too. So it's a conundrum for the ages.

Of course I am a relentlessly snarky person with a terrible sense of humor. I suggested that there needed to be a competition for the hetero-cis-guys, like air-oral or toy swordfights, something, rated by applause, losers go home. She could even charge the customers of the pot shop next door, to come watch the "Bro-lympics."

The obvious thing is, some guy would inevitably cry about it like, "That woman humiliated me in front of people just to get in her party!" Well, duh, she's a pro-Domme, it's what she does. "Well I didn't like it!" Well, you're no fun, no wonder you didn't get into the party.

lol :p
 
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