Telling parents

[Gria2004]

Hi i know this not poly but you helped me so much before I though I try this here. Some background information my I talk to my mom everyday and we are like best friend. I go to my parents house once’s a week for laundry, home cooked meal, and to help them with whatever it’s most tech help.

I meet someone not someone poly but he knows about me and is understanding. He is one of the best guys I meet in a year or more. We just started seeing each other and have another date we’re he is going to cook for me. I’m excited. But with talking to my mom every day she ask how my day went and what I did. I can’t just say went on a date. She would want to know everything even how I meet him. I meet him on a dating website. But if things keep working well maybe next weekend or the following weekend I will need to tell her. They haven’t taken to me meeting people online well and I think they think I don’t online date anymore. So I want to be ready when the time is right to tell her about him but how I meet him is going to be the hardest part. Also I feel she going to know something is up because I’m happy, and will have to try and lie about what I did to I get nerve to tell them. I don’t want to lie either.

 

[zoreh]

So just to be clear, they don't know you're poly nor that you online date? Just checking.

Sounds like you definitely want to tell her, so follow that instinct. If it's not dangerous in some way, she will come around. Try writing out all of your feelings, and find some resources for her to read/watch. You probably already know Kimchi Cuddles, but that could be a great, digestible way for her to learn more about it.

Try to present it in a positive way. No need to feel bad or guilty, because you're not doing anything wrong.

 

[lunabunny]

But with talking to my mom every day she ask how my day went and what I did. I can’t just say went on a date. She would want to know everything even how I meet him. I meet him on a dating website.
They haven’t taken to me meeting people online well and I think they think I don’t online date anymore.

Also I feel she going to know something is up because I’m happy, and will have to try and lie about what I did to I get nerve to tell them. I don’t want to lie either.

Gria, hi, I remember you from your past posts on this site.

I'm not sure how old you are, but I assume you're an autonomous adult - and as such, you're within your rights to make your own decisions about WHO and HOW you wish to date.

While I understand that you are close to your family, particularly your mother and have good friends who know your family... at some point, you are going to have to decide if you're prepared to keep hiding the truth of who you are, and what you do, from these people.

Below, I quote from an older thread of yours:

I have to keep it from people because they won’t understand. I live in a apartment building and people are always out side. We are all close. Some know my parents well.
There would be questions and I’m just not ready to say. I’m not about lying either saying I was just visiting friends when they are a lot more then that. When my neighbor found out about this... said I don’t know who you are. Your just saying that to get attention.

It's great that you are willing to consider the feelings of others. But quite frankly, they have no say in who you choose to date. Whether you're polyamorous or mono, or choose to meet people on dating sites and online... that is YOUR business.

You are not beholden to anyone else when it comes to your personal life: not parents, friends or neighbours. If they don't approve, so be it. Unless you're living under their roof and wish to bring your partner/s to their home, they really don't have any say-so.

The more confident you appear to be in your choices, the better and easier other people will accept them, as a general rule. If they don't... what is the worst that could happen?

 

[Gria2004]

Two both

Thanks for replying. They don’t know either that I’m poly or date online anymore. Yes I’m adult 34 who lives By myself.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Gria,

Anytime there is something that you don't want to tell someone, but you don't want to lie, you can always say, "It's personal." If someone is going to judge you for something, then maybe it isn't their business. So if your mom asks you how you met your new boyfriend, you can just say, "It's personal." Unless of course it's important to you (for whatever reason) that your mom knows how you met that guy. In which case you go ahead and tell her, and don't let it get to you if she passes judgment. You're old enough to make your own decisions.

Just some thoughts.
Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[GalaGirl]

I can’t just say went on a date. She would want to know everything even how I meet him.

It's ok not to tell your mother EVERYTHING. You are an adult person. You could find a balance between (the amount she wants to know) and (the amount you want to share.)

They haven’t taken to me meeting people online well and I think they think I don’t online date anymore. So I want to be ready when the time is right to tell her about him but how I meet him is going to be the hardest part.

Just speak the truth. You met online. Whether the parents "like it" or not is their concern. Not yours. You are an adult. You can date as you wish. You do not have to Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain how you like to date. No JADE.

OR don't even mention the online part. Say you bumped into each other and started talking. They don't have to know right now that the place you bumped into each other is the internet.

Also I feel she going to know something is up because I’m happy, and will have to try and lie about what I did to I get nerve to tell them. I don’t want to lie either.

So don't lie. Say something like "I'm dating a new person, and I'm pleased about that. But it is too new to tell if it is anything. So don't go getting all excited wanting to know everything. I will tell you when it is time to get excited when I'm ready to share. Not worth getting excited if it ends up being nothing. Too early."

Galagirl