ElMango, you're obviously entrenched in your position. That's fine. I hope you're never rejected sexually by your partner(s) and have to go through this kind of anguish.
I agree with Evie, that there are many reasons to stay with a partner even if the sex dries up on one end. However, I do kind of think sex is expected, if not required, in marriage. The phrase, "to have and to hold," is very euphemistic. In England, they say more in their traditional vows.
as the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, he says the following:
With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen
Having and holding bodies, and worshiping your wife with your body, seems to imply more, in an adult relationship, than just cuddling.
There are guarantees in Jewish marriages, that if a man does not satisfy his wife sexually, that is grounds for divorce. Married couples are required by Jewish law to have sex on the Sabbath. It is thought that when a couple has sex, this causes Yahweh and the Shekinah his wife, to have sex in heaven, therefore making them happy and bestowing blessings on their people!
There's a lot of expectation in marriage that your "one and only" is your long time sex partner.
Of course, in reality, sex often does wane. There's a saying, "kissin' don't last, cookin' do."
Therefore we have the "oldest profession" of prostitution.
I really wish we could go back to the olden days when sex workers (male and female) lived in temples and you honored the goddess by fucking them. This persisted until Roman times. It took place in the Jewish Temple, and everywhere. (Yes, the goddess Asherah was honored in the Jewish Temple with sex. The sex workers' title was "holy one." Qudesha [plural] for women, qudeshim for men.) Any children conceived were the children of the goddess.
Our present society has worked its way around a monogamous mindset by providing many ways to get sex with others. Cheating has been far and away the most common. And women were EXPECTED to be rather or completely asexual. The Church preached sex only for procreation until very recently. Everyone turned a blind eye to men cheating. Women were encouraged to think little of it, boys will be boys.
Wives were trained to believe they had no sex drive, and to submit to sex as a mere duty to their husbands. Of course, if a woman was unfulfilled sexually, she was diagnosed as a hysteric or a nyphomaniac. And she was hated for her sexual allure and power, while being desired at the same time. Women are the keyholders for sex. Men have traditionally resented this greatly, and demonized women for millennia.
So, now, with the rise of feminism, sexual mores are changing. But they are in a state of flux. Some women and men are asexual just by nature. I'm sure some women still deny their own sexuality because they are frightened of its power over them, and they feel slut shamed when they can't control the desire.
Open marriages are seen as weird and shameful still, just as divorce was 100 years ago. We can't expect everyone to Open their marriage easily and joyfully. We also can't expect everyone to give up the many comforts of marriage just because of incompatible libidos.
My sister became asexual after menopause. Her husband didn't lose his sex drive. And he's kind of macho, he resented the idea he should just masturbate. They made a cold contract. She'd "lie back and think of England" twice a week, and he'd get to use her vagina. Then she got certain favors in return, dinner out a few times a week, since she doesn't like to cook!
