Better to look specifically for poly people to date?

StrangeMagic

StrangeMagic

New member
I’m a GWM who is currently single but have held a poly relationship model in my heart for a long time. I’ve started identifying as poly in my online dating/hookup profiles and getting few hits. Now, I’m sure that’s partly due to my age (59) and HIV status (poz undetectable). But by identifying as poly am I filtering out too many possible partners that might be open to it at some point even if they don’t identify that way currently? Or am I better off weeding out mono folks from the beginning? I’m beginning to feel like I’m wasting my time and should give up on my lifelong dream.
 
It's best to be upfront about being polyamorous. You could also call it ethical non-monogamy. Most people do not understand polyamory, however, so you will probably need to explain it to them.

If you don't mention it on your profile, it's recommended you do in chat, or at least on the first date, unless you're sure it's a one time hookup.

You may be open to mono people who would date a poly person too. But you'd be more likely to get dumped if and when their Mr Right came along for them to be mono with. BTDT!
 
I've decided it's too much work to try and convert someone. It's best to just be up front about everything.
 
Hi StrangeMagic,

I think it's okay to date mono people, as long as those people know that you're poly and accept it. If you want to remove the poly from your profile, you can do that, just come out as poly to the men you date after the first few dates with them. You do want to be honest. I hope you don't have to give up on your lifelong dream, you seem like a nice man, I would hope that once people get to know you, they would be willing to accept you as poly. We do still live in a mostly monogamous world, so it is hard to be a poly and looking for dates is bound to present some dilemmas. Perhaps the thing to do is try going poly-free in your profiles for awhile, and see if the number of hits picks up. Kind of as an experiment. If it does pick up, then you can make an informed decision about whether to identify as poly in your profiles.

Good luck, hang in there,
Kevin T.
 
I just wanted to thank you for getting that song stuck in my head, which happened the second I saw your username but before I noticed your sig and avatar proving the reference deliberate.
 
My experience is that the mono women I've met and the mono women Blue keeps choosing, tend to either think they can handle a poly partner as a short term partner, or they can convert the poly person to monogamy with their awesomeness. Either works for awhile but not so well long term. My preference would be for Blue to not date mono women. I know it narrows the choices, but at the same time, it filters out a lot of I'll fitting partners and saves heartache and drama.
 
Could be worse??

SenatorBinks27 said:
I just wanted to thank you for getting that song stuck in my head, which happened the second I saw your username but before I noticed your sig and avatar proving the reference deliberate.
Click to expand...

As earworms go, Strange Magic is fairly benign, LOL. It could be worse: Could be Baby Shark. ;)
 
Magdlyn said:
It's best to be upfront about being polyamorous. You could also call it ethical non-monogamy. Most people do not understand polyamory, however, so you will probably need to explain it to them.

If you don't mention it on your profile, it's recommended you do in chat, or at least on the first date, unless you're sure it's a one time hookup.

You may be open to mono people who would date a poly person too. But you'd be more likely to get dumped if and when their Mr Right came along for them to be mono with. BTDT!
Click to expand...
As you might guess from my openness about my age and status, I prefer to be upfront about things. I just thought maybe I was filtering out people that would be open to poly but don’t know much about it. I thought they might pass me by just because it’s something they don’t have experience with.
 
PinkPig said:
My experience is that the mono women I've met and the mono women Blue keeps choosing, tend to either think they can handle a poly partner as a short term partner, or they can convert the poly person to monogamy with their awesomeness. Either works for awhile but not so well long term. My preference would be for Blue to not date mono women. I know it narrows the choices, but at the same time, it filters out a lot of I'll fitting partners and saves heartache and drama.
Click to expand...

I tend to agree with you. I guess I’m just getting discouraged.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi StrangeMagic,

I think it's okay to date mono people, as long as those people know that you're poly and accept it. If you want to remove the poly from your profile, you can do that, just come out as poly to the men you date after the first few dates with them. You do want to be honest. I hope you don't have to give up on your lifelong dream, you seem like a nice man, I would hope that once people get to know you, they would be willing to accept you as poly. We do still live in a mostly monogamous world, so it is hard to be a poly and looking for dates is bound to present some dilemmas. Perhaps the thing to do is try going poly-free in your profiles for awhile, and see if the number of hits picks up. Kind of as an experiment. If it does pick up, then you can make an informed decision about whether to identify as poly in your profiles.

Good luck, hang in there,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the idea, Kevin. I like it. It would be a good test. I’ll give that a shot. Thank you!
 
vinsanity0 said:
I've decided it's too much work to try and convert someone. It's best to just be up front about everything.
Click to expand...

Not really out to convert anyone. I just thought there might be some open to the idea that don’t yet identify as poly.
 
StrangeMagic said:
Not really out to convert anyone. I just thought there might be some open to the idea that don’t yet identify as poly.
Click to expand...

Oh I know, but that is essentially what happens when you start dating mono people without being up front with them, especially if you like them. Sorry to be so cynical. I haven't had good experiences with mono people. That's why I always say I'm poly in dating profiles. There are people who prefer monogamy for themselves, but open to dating poly people.
 
StrangeMagic said:
As earworms go, Strange Magic is fairly benign, LOL. It could be worse: Could be Baby Shark. ;)
Click to expand...

That's one of LabRat's favorites. I'm desensitized to it at this point.
 
Although not to this level, I had similar thoughts when I identified as poly (and, to an extent, kinky) and noticed my matches reduce considerably. However, I agree with the majority that being upfront is best, and will save you a lot of time and emotional strain in the long-run. You may have to wait longer, but you'll make stronger, more fitting connections. I hope it works out for you.
 
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