Which way to turn?

Yeah, my phone failed to tell me you were calling. Gotta get that new battery soon.

Like I said earlier, my frustration was at the wishy-washy, yes I'm going, no I'm not, oh wait, yes I am thing. Didn't mean to upset you. It just seemed like everything I was saying was making you more upset, so I decided to leave before I made it worse with my big mouth.
 
I think the world is maybe, possibly, giving me a break.

Orientation tomorrow at 1. They called only a few hrs after I did. When I called I was told they were on a freeze and couldn't bring anyone in to start. Then they called while I was grocery shopping and Karma had my phone, and said orientation is tomorrow at 1. WTF, that was the fastest hiring freeze ever! So I put the groceries away and went out to find a "uniform". Luck again! 1 pair of pants and 2 shirts on clearance for $25.

Called the school and I get the refund from my grant in the next 7 days and the loans within the next 3 weeks.

Feel bad cuz I messed up budgetting, and Karma spent a bit too much when he had the debit card, and we are BROKE until that money comes. So he can't go camping this weekend. At least it's his weekend with g/f. Maybe we can all do something free and special to make up for it. Plus I had to tell my mom I screwed up yet again.

Basicaly, no more debit card for us. I'm gonna take out the cash we have for gas and groceries and when it's gone, it's gone for that month. And the rest of the money doesn't get touched.

I used to think I was really good with money. HA! Apparently not.


So now that that whole rant is outta the way. Got a message from g/f saying she wasn't sure about reading here or not. She didn't want to invade my space. I appreciate it, but it's up to her now.

I'm feeling better about life in general. Feeling productive again. Getting things under control. Attacking the little things I can and letting the rest of it fall into place as it will.

Still have a lot of anxiety, but I'm hoping as things progress, that gets easier.
 
First day of work was boring as all hell. Bunch of computer training the rest of the week, but at least I get a pay check next Thursday.

Having a hard time figuring out how to work things out. Between work, school and Karma seeing g/f, when do I get my time? I'm just trying to figure it all out. Is it wrong to limit their time to when I'm not home. Like when I get home from work I want him here so we can have some time?

I feel old fears coming up and I don't know why. I used to fear working and going to school, b/c that left the house empty for him to have someone over. Which he did. It came out during our honesty talks that he had her here a few times behind my back. We've come a long way with communicating and trust. I don't want to slide back down that way. I want to trust that he'll keep his promises. But I can't help but fear the past instead of trust the future. And I HATE that feeling.

And I hate wondering if Karma and I will drift apart again, now that I'm not here all the time. We've come such a long way. In such a short time. I am so affraid that it is going to go downhill again.

I've gotten so used to be with him so much of the day, that I'm not sure how to adapt to limited time together. It would be nice if he and g/f saw eachother while I was at work, but I don't know that that is possible. Which means even more time taken away from us.

I think I'm also secretly (well not so secretly now) affraid that if I'm not here to talk through things, he'll turn to her more and we'll lose the connection we've worked so hard to rebuild.
 
You don't have to be physically joined at the hip 24/7 to communicate. As a matter of fact, a little space is good. You are going to be fine and a lot less distracted by every little change or nuance. You can start to feel some independence and gain the confidence gained from doing something outside of yourselves. Know what I mean?
 
Thanks MG, I know it'll get easier as time goes on and we get a new routine going. It just sucks right now. I was in bed before he got home last night. And pretty much all week. And I thought maybe we'd get some time tonight before he saw g/f for their weekend. But no, We got all of 2 hrs together and now he's in the shower getting ready to go hang out with her. I'm feeling like I have to deal with her being around, in order to see my husband.
 
Maybe time to sit everyone down (including g/f maybe) and come up with a master schedule. If your work schedule changes every week, it may need to be a weekly meeting. That way everyone is on the same page about who is going to be where and when. It's not unreasonable to ask for what you need. Just a thought.
 
Ironicly, she told him she wanted to talk to him about a new sched. cuz of her new school sched. Karma didn't want to discuss it, basicaly because her new sched mixed with JA's new school sched, doesn't allow him as much time to see her. And Karma just doesn't want to deal with him. But it may be a good idea. The problem is that Karma is a very go with the flow last minute plan kind of person, and I'm affraid a more detailed sched will drive him nuts.

I'm thinking of giving him my schedule before he leaves and saying these are the days I want you home. Other time can be a day to day decision, but these days are ours.

I guess we'll see what he thinks when he gets out of the shower.
 
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Karma was all for taking my work schedule with him. Now to see if it did any good.

A friend came over last night to teach me to knit. So I went out and got needles and yarn and am working on my first scarf. Pretty excited. And it gives me a distraction while Karma is out.

Things are slowly moving forward.
 
Hi Mohegan - I've been catching up on your posts - and I have felt the same way you do about your time with your husband being taken up by him spending time with his g/f - it does suck! My husband and I work opposite schedules - so we only see each other on weekends. When he spends a weekend night with her - it does upset me since that is our only time together as a family.

Giving Karma your schedule with days that you want him home is a good idea. I was also off work all summer and got really used to seeing him everyday - now that we only see each other on weekends - its definitely been much more difficult for me to see him go off with her.

Last minute dates throw me off too - I hate that. It is easier for me to know ahead of time so I can mentally and emotionally prepare.

I wish you guys the best of luck!

:) Kat
 
Hey Mo-

You will have to make me a knitted thingamabob! Purple preferably...for Baltimore, or black/gold for Pittsburgh! LOL!:)
 
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We were actualy talking about something like that when we were discussing patterns. :) No B-more purple though!






Things are okay. Still haven't gotten much time with Karma, but we have a plan to fix that. It's cold and rainy so we are excited to head to faire today. I love this weather!! Not sure about meeting g/f's parents but whatever. Maybe I'll get some time with my husband tonight!
 
There will be no Baltimoron Ravens ANYTHING in my home.

Now, the Steelers gear, on the other hand.... I have no issue with that ;)
 
Spending the day with my husband!!! I couldn't be more happy, even if we are both in pain. As much as I love the fall and rainy weather, it's not so good for either of us in the pain department. So instead of going to faire and risking not being moble for work tomorrow, we are home, snuggly and warm. I went out and got things to make caramel apple upside down pie. And Karma said I can do halloween decorations today. I normaly am not allowed holiday decor until the month of the holiday. :D He loves me :D I haven't been up to decorating for any holiday in years, and I used to go all out. So I'm exicted, that I'm excited to decorate. Might not do it today though, depends on the pain. May just snuggle on the couch all day.
 
Panda is moving in a month and a half. Karma is a mess and I don't know how to console him. I guess I'm just used to people leaving me. It's what they do. And we won't lose touch. I know it won't be the same as having her down the street, but she'll be around. She needs to be with her husband. I just don't know how to help my husband. And still deal with my emotions. And be there fo Panda.
 
((((HUGS)))) Karma and Mo.
 
I am in so much pain!! First night of work kicked my ass!!! I dunno how I'm gonna do two 9 hr shifts this weekend.

So while I'm near tears in pain, Karma shows up to "cheer you on" with G/f!!! WTF!!!!

Okay WTF is that JA dumped her. :D Good ridence!!! He's nothing but trouble anyway.

So then when I get off work I gotta crawl in the cab of our ford ranger, in a shit ton of pain, with Karma and g/f. I hate riding 3 people in the truck and he knows it. Especialy when I'm in pain. Plus there's the fact that she and I are still "breaking" from eachother. Well me from her, but whatever.

I'm sure the breakup was hard and she needed to see Karma and what else was he gonna do with her? But that was so not what I was expecting tonight.

So now I'm waiting for him to get back from taking her home, so he can make dinner and hook up my TENS unit to my back. And so I can get the details on the break up.

JA is so pathetic maybe the story will give me some laughter.

I gotta say though, while it was as surprise to them, and an irritation to be in the truck with her. I wasn't filled with any real emotion when seeing her. And to me that's progress.
 
That is progress Sweetie! And very mature (motherly) instinct to know that she needed some support at the time. But Karma..ya dink! Don't ya have some sense of timing? I thought all that martial arts stuff would put you more in sync with your women! Come on man!:p

What are you doing about the pain? Man, I know that TENS unit came in handy for the back pain I had a couple of weeks ago! Do you still use yours? Good food, rest and stretching if you can. Let your body adjust to the new schedule. Poor baby Mo!:(
 
Martial arts DOES NOT TRANSLATE into understanding a woman's sense of timing. Nothing I've discovered in this lifetime does. :D
 
I use my TENS quite a bit on my back and my knee. Plus exercises from physical therepy. Karma is my health coach when it comes to my injuries, so he's helping ease my back back into it.
 
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