Here in Maine and Glad to Have Found This Forum!!

[PolymindedinMaine]

35, M. 30, F. Couple in central Maine.

Been searching for the right forum to get to talk with like minded people. Glad to see so much information being shared on here and people really opening up and really understanding/ exploring who they are and what they are looking for.

We are really looking for something special. A special lady to add to our family to build a home of love and support. Open, honest, true and always there for each other. We have two beautiful kids together and would love someone who loves kids just as much as we do.

Great to be here!!! Greetings to everyone from Maine!! Awesome to see posts from all around the globe!

 

[Al99]

Hi - and welcome to the Forum! We have a good number of experienced poly folks here so please do not hesitate to join in the conversation with any questions and thoughts that you may have.

Our Forum guidelines indicate that each person should have their own account, as polyamory (unlike swinging) is generally not couple-centric - but if one of you is posting on behalf of both of you, it would be helpful if we knew who was posting. (A nickname - virtually everyone here is anonymous).

The public perception of poly - and the model that many open-minded couples initially aspire to - is the married couple adding another lady (preferably bisexual) to their relationship (the FMF triad or V). Certainly, some of these relationships do exist, but they are actually quite rare in the poly community. The MFM (one woman, 2 men - usually both straight) is far more common - but the most common configuration is where both spouses date independently, but always aware of who the other is dating - as poly operates with the knowledge and consent of all involved (by definition).

There are a number of reasons as to why the FMF configuration is so uncommon - but the biggest reason is simply that the women who are willing to join a couple on a long term basis are very rare, so rare they are often billed as "unicorns', i.e. virtually mythical. However, there are a number of other ethical and pragmatic reasons that often make the FMF model uncommon. But while uncommon, such relationships do exist, and it may work out for you as well.

Many of us do recommend the following intelligent and written article on the subject of the FMF triad/V - I believe you will find it very helpful in understanding your quest.

https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

Also - here is a link to a selection of the best poly web sites:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108191

Additionally, there are a number of good books on poly, but many of us recommend Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino as the best introductory book for the married couple opening up their relationship.

Again, welcome to the Forum - and we will look forward to hearing more of your story!

Al

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings PolymindedinMaine,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You might enjoy the web series Unicornland, it tells the poly story from the unicorn's point of view. It sounds like you are looking for one special lady, to complete your family. A M/F + F setup if you will. OKCupid might be helpful to that end. In the meantime, you will find many like-minded people here that you can talk to. I'm glad you could make Polyamory.com your home!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[PolymindedinMaine]

Thank you for the warm welcome!

Me: "B"- Male, 35
Her: "L"- Female, 30.

We definitely over time will hopefully develop into multiple accounts. Although, I will be posting and sharing what I find on here.

It definitely sounds like we are searching for a Unicorn type scenario, although really have opened the horizons as more knowledge and shared experiences are ingested.

I appreciate the reading material and look forward take it all in.

Thank you again for the insight and welcome!

 

[Magdlyn]

Thank you for the warm welcome!

Adding my welcome.

Me: "B"- Male, 35
Her: "L"- Female, 30.

Just so you know, we ask for actual nicknames, not initials. Initials are very difficult to maneuver, when trying to read someone's story, or give feedback. So, you could be called "Polyminded," and your wife could be (for example, a name beginning with L that isn't her actual name), such as Lulu or Leaf, or anything else she likes.

We will hopefully develop into multiple accounts. Although, I will be posting and sharing what I find on here.

It definitely sounds like we are searching for a Unicorn type scenario, although we really have opened the horizons as more knowledge and shared experiences are ingested.

I appreciate the reading material and look forward to taking it all in.

Thank you again for the insight and welcome!

It's a guarantee that you and "Leaf" are looking for different qualities in a partner. Many new to poly couples are very entangled, and "want to do the poly adventure together," thinking this will "protect their marriage/relationship," prevent or reduce jealousy or envy, etc. But any woman you meet with will very probably prefer one of you over the other, at least after the first few dates. And there comes jealousy and heartbreak. Or one of you will really like her, and the other will feel neutral or even dislike her. And so it gets messy.

What happens if one of you falls in love with her, and vice versa, but the other is left out of that? Do you keep breaking up with women until that magical day arrives when you all somehow equally feel in love with each other and perfectly able to get along? Or do you work with it, and let the new couple have their relationship, while you or Leaf go get another new partner for yourself?

Just some things to look out for!