Advice needed on how to proceed please!

[FallenAngelina]

By having multiple partners I get very different things from each relationship and therefore the pressure to be 'perfect for me' is reduced. I want my partner(s) to feel relaxed about who they are and who they want to be, not trying to be everything to me and forgetting who they are, something I've done a lot of in relationships prior (pleasing others at my own detriment).

You can have all of this without everyone being sexually and romantically involved with everyone. Most poly relationships are one on one. Sure, four on four exists (do they? for how long?) but poly doesn't mean everyone on everyone, it's just means multiple. Why do you want this particular group love/sex? That's the question.

BTW, it's just as easy to get caught up in people pleasing in a poly relationship as it is in a mono relationship. People pleasing is an intimacy issue, not a configuration issue. You won't automatically escape the inclination to please others at your own expense just by adding in more people. So be aware of that going forward. Poly doesn't fix intimacy issues and in fact usually highlights them.

 

[NeilMK]

You can have all of this without everyone being sexually and romantically involved with everyone. Most poly relationships are one on one. Sure, four on four exists (do they? for how long?) but poly doesn't mean everyone on everyone, it's just means multiple. Why do you want this particular group love/sex? That's the question.

BTW, it's just as easy to get caught up in people pleasing in a poly relationship as it is in a mono relationship. People pleasing is an intimacy issue, not a configuration issue. You won't automatically escape the inclination to please others at your own expense just by adding in more people. So be aware of that going forward. Poly doesn't fix intimacy issues and in fact usually highlights them.

Hi Fallen!

Sex for me is always intimate, even when fucking, dominating or just snuggling up. I don't do sex for sex sake, I like a connection. While I adore one on one and would still want that, the idea of being with two or three, playing, watching, enjoying is massively appealing. I guess it's my more carnal side?

I don't have intimacy issues, quite the opposite and adore all my partners.

 

[Magdlyn]

I actually disagree strongly that it is likely to meet someone you and a hypothetical future partner would both be into AND have that person be into both of you.

Hubby and I have been together since high school. I'm bi. We have found plenty of women we would both enthusiastically fuck. But every women I develop feelings for, he feels friendly towards at best. Every woman he develops feelings for, I feel friendly towards at best.

Yes. There are so few successful triads and even less successful quads in poly land. Most triads are sex based, and start to fall apart before anyone is thinking of moving in together.

If a MF couple does have their unicorn move in, there are almost always quarrels about quality time sharing, chore sharing, money, competition of looks and age, the NRE someone feels for the new person making someone feel envious, jealous, be ignored, demoted and displaced.

Add in a 4th, male or female, and it just gets worse. Besides, you'd need a huge house. 4 adults are all going to want and need their own space, a bedroom, a studio, an office.

Adults don't usually like to have roommates.

And what if someone wants kids, or gets pregnant accidentally? Then there is the issue of custody, and who has a parental role.

The odds of finding any one person that can be everything I want and need in a relationship puts a huge amount of pressure on that person. I might be lucky to find someone that can match my sexual appetite, but they might not enjoy deep conversation, or sports, or video gaming etc.

By having multiple partners, I get very different things from each relationship, and therefore the pressure to be 'perfect for me' is reduced.

I want my partner(s) to feel relaxed about who they are and who they want to be, not trying to be everything to me, and forgetting who they are, something I've done a lot of in relationships prior (pleasing others at my own detriment).

When I'm in a monogamous relationship I also feel trapped somewhat. I want more, but this could come from not finding someone who can give me everything I need.

These are all the common and good reasons for being polyamorous. They are not the reason for seeking a triad or quad.

And finally, on a rather more crude note, who wouldn't want threesome and foursome playtime regularly with boys and girls?!

Lots of people wouldn't. How much 3some and 4some sex have you had? With any genders? Have they all gone smoothly? Has everyone been fulfilled every time? Or did someone feel left out, didn't get to cum well or often enough?

I've had my share of 3some and 4some sex. Some of the 3 and 4somes were fun, some were kinda off, kinda unsatisfying, with various people feeling left out. I've had a couple of FFF threesomes that went well because we had good communication and did a good job sharing. We were all multi-orgasmic. There were no penises shooting off too soon. No excess testosterone throwing everyone off balance.

I did enjoy a MFM I managed to arrange. But both guys let me down. One was a long term partner and he broke up with me soon after the 3some for unrelated reasons (his mother died and it triggered his bipolar depression and he needed to work on himself). The other guy had lied when he said he was poly, and was actually dating, looking for a wife, and just using me for sex.

I prefer the simplicity and intensity and lack of distraction and competition in one on one, especially with a loved and trusted partner who I know won't let me down emotionally.

Surely finding a bisexual girl isn't too hard. Finding one that wants a gf as well as myself surely wouldn't be too hard.

Yes. But. Maybe you both won't want the same "girl."

Wanting us to play together might be harder, but not unreasonable

Play a few times, sure. Long term dating or cohabitation? Not so much.

... and adding an extra male to help fulfil their fantasies too still sounds reasonable!

Again, nice fantasy. Much harder to make a reality.

Please read this. You are a unicorn hunter.

https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

 

[FallenAngelina]

I don't have intimacy issues, quite the opposite and adore all my partners.

I didn't mean intimacy as a euphemism for a hard penis. Intimacy encompasses a wide range of emotional connection.


This is an intimacy issue:

I want my partner(s) to feel relaxed about who they are and who they want to be, not trying to be everything to me and forgetting who they are, something I've done a lot of in relationships prior (pleasing others at my own detriment).

You will not erase this from your intimate life simply by adding more people to the mix.

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

Hi Growing!

I think one thing and perhaps a difference between us might be that I value sexual intimacy a massive amount. I generate huge amounts of fulfilment from incredible sex. To me a great sex life represents openness to share something so intimate, no boundaries, no distractions. To share that experience with others is super important to me.

To find four people that become incredible friends as you put it, that all 'enthusiastically fuck' would still be an incredible experience for me because I'd get so much out of it beyond a physical experience.

I have a strange relationship with people's energy. I can almost feel aura's if that makes sense. When I touch, not even rudely, when I sit close, engage in conversation at a deep level I feel it.

Does that make even a tiny bit of sense?!

I'll be honest. Despite what I tell people on forums, I have found it relatively easy to find a group of non-het people who all enjoy sex with each other and are also friends.

However:

They they haven't all been good friends, they've ranged from spouses to BFFs to fond acquaintances.

There are always huge differences in who is seeking a closed relationship and who is seeking an open relationship. This has meant some people "dip" in and out of the group depending on their relationship status.

While everyone might be involved in sex together, not everyone has sex with each other.

It has ultimately ended friendships and relationships. (see 2nd point for main reason why)


I still have a core group of friends/partners where we all have sex with each other and enjoy varying levels of attachment and label and have done for years. I would say it works because we are a) an open polycule and b) mostly friends rather than romantic partners.

 

[vinsanity0]

I'll be honest. Despite what I tell people on forums, I have found it relatively easy to find a group of non-het people who all enjoy sex with each other and are also friends.

However:

They they haven't all been good friends, they've ranged from spouses to BFFs to fond acquaintances.

There are always huge differences in who is seeking a closed relationship and who is seeking an open relationship. This has meant some people "dip" in and out of the group depending on their relationship status.

While everyone might be involved in sex together, not everyone has sex with each other.

It has ultimately ended friendships and relationships. (see 2nd point for main reason why)


I still have a core group of friends/partners where we all have sex with each other and enjoy varying levels of attachment and label and have done for years. I would say it works because we are a) an open polycule and b) mostly friends rather than romantic partners.

What you have is a much more realistic goal than a poly-fi "true"* quad all living in one household.

*I make this distinction because it is more common for a quad to mean two couples that swap partners as opposed to four individuals who are all intimate with each other.

 

[MeeraReed]

Hi Neil, welcome to the forum!

As others have said, what you're looking for sounds perfectly nice, but will be very hard to find in reality, especially if you insist that it be a closed group where everyone is only involved with each other.

In reality, many experienced poly people will already have other partners when you meet them. Like, you could meet a bi woman who is compatible with you, wants to be your partner, and shares your fantasy of dating the same woman with you. But she might already have another boyfriend of her own, who isn't interested in joining your threesome/foursome. So, she'll date him separately from you. (And maybe that will work fine).

Then maybe you and she will get lucky and find another bi woman who wants to be in loving threesome with the two of you. And maybe this woman will have a girlfriend of her own (who doesn't want to join in), and that's fine too. Then maybe you might complete your fantasy and find a bi guy who miraculously is attracted to all three of you and wants to make your threesome a foursome...but you all never fall in love, you regard him as a good friend and a sex partner, and he has his own life and romantic partners of his own.

And this is just a hypothetical example in which everything goes totally smoothly! My point is that, to find what you're looking for, you might have to be a lot more flexible about what you think you want. Polyamory can get very complicated and relationship networks can involve quite a lot of people. It's not realistic to think that you will find 3 other bi poly people who like group sex, are all attracted to you and each other equally, but have no pre-existing partners and only want to be in one permanent closed foursome.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

I'll be honest. Despite what I tell people on forums, I have found it relatively easy to find a group of non-het people who all enjoy sex with each other and are also friends.

However:

They they haven't all been good friends, they've ranged from spouses to BFFs to fond acquaintances.

There are always huge differences in who is seeking a closed relationship and who is seeking an open relationship. This has meant some people "dip" in and out of the group depending on their relationship status.

While everyone might be involved in sex together, not everyone has sex with each other.

It has ultimately ended friendships and relationships. (see 2nd point for main reason why)


I still have a core group of friends/partners where we all have sex with each other and enjoy varying levels of attachment and label and have done for years. I would say it works because we are a) an open polycule and b) mostly friends rather than romantic partners.

I'll be honest - this is pretty much my experience as well (I wrote about some of it in my old post Threesomes - a PlayBook). My boys are both "straight but not narrow" and aren't afraid of having another penis in the game if it comes up p) - but they don't engage sexually with each other. It is not unusual for us to have "sexual friendships" with each other's partners, friends, metamours if they are interested and the opportunity arises (geography, relationship status, etc.)

But it is one thing to be open to possibilities and quite another to look to construct a specific poly network! Years ago we had a thread here where we had fun diagramming our "networks" - this was mine at the time:

Households identified by boxes, black lines = sexual relationships to various degrees, blue lines = friendships to various degrees, etc. - a fun, but ultimately pointless, exercise!

 

[NeilMK]

Yes. There are so few successful triads and even less successful quads in poly land. Most triads are sex based, and start to fall apart before anyone is thinking of moving in together.

This doesn't sound different from any monostraight relationship?

If a MF couple does have their unicorn move in, there are almost always quarrels about quality time sharing, chore sharing, money, competition of looks and age, the NRE someone feels for the new person making someone feel envious, jealous, be ignored, demoted and displaced.

This only indicates a lack of communication and an unevolved ability to maintain healthy relationships.

Add in a 4th, male or female, and it just gets worse. Besides, you'd need a huge house. 4 adults are all going to want and need their own space, a bedroom, a studio, an office.

This statement is frankly ridiculous. In a two person relationship do you sleep in separate bedrooms for your own space? Have two offices? Two studios? My opinion is that you're so used to poly and the concept of 'your space, your way' that you've lost the love of working as a team.

And what if someone wants kids, or gets pregnant accidentally? Then there is the issue of custody, and who has a parental role.

I'm 42 with 4 grown up boys (24, 17, 15, 15 twins) I don't want more children. Any partner I seek be it poly, pan, mono or quad would need to not want more children also.

These are all the common and good reasons for being polyamorous. They are not the reason for seeking a triad or quad.

I think all it does is implies 'your' inability or desire for something this complex, which is your right and preference.

Lots of people wouldn't. How much 3some and 4some sex have you had? With any genders? Have they all gone smoothly? Has everyone been fulfilled every time? Or did someone feel left out, didn't get to cum well or often enough?

I've had my share of 3some and 4some sex. Some of the 3 and 4somes were fun, some were kinda off, kinda unsatisfying, with various people feeling left out. I've had a couple of FFF threesomes that went well because we had good communication and did a good job sharing. We were all multi-orgasmic. There were no penises shooting off too soon. No excess testosterone throwing everyone off balance.

Hahahaha! You're a misandrist! The statement that testosterone throwing people off, cocks firing off everywhere spoiling your intimacy is an absolute prejudice. I'm sorry if you've had terrible experiences with men but please don't fire your negativity all over me. I'm an experienced lover and rarely have bad sex, even with a woman who has no clue what she's doing because I'm able to guide us both through an incredible experience.

I prefer the simplicity and intensity and lack of distraction and competition in one on one, especially with a loved and trusted partner who I know won't let me down emotionally.

Simplicity, yes, I realise you like things simple. I agree, one on one will always be an incredible experience, one I don't want to lose but that doesn't mean group sex is more likely to let you down emotionally if the partners are picked well. Remember there's a huge difference between your experiences and what I'm seeking. I don't want to invite a guy or girl in for a regular bang, I can understand how and why they can be disappointing or emotionally weak.

Please read this. You are a unicorn hunter.

I read it, all of it. I am nothing like that, at all. Your assumptions about me are frankly offensive (but I'm not actually offended, I welcome your opinion, I just don't agree). The UH David describes is unevolved emotionally, unintelligent and self centered.

So while I appreciate the time you took to reply, I'd much prefer you to help me with supportive, unbiased advice rather than trying to fit my peg into your hole, excuse the euphemism!

 

[NeilMK]

I didn't mean intimacy as a euphemism for a hard penis. Intimacy encompasses a wide range of emotional connection.

Nor did I!

 

[NeilMK]

I still have a core group of friends/partners where we all have sex with each other and enjoy varying levels of attachment and label and have done for years. I would say it works because we are a) an open polycule and b) mostly friends rather than romantic partners.

I'm not opposed to an open polycule, in fact a quad in my mind is likely to start that way anyway rather than moving 3 people in on day one and expecting it to work, but I wouldn't do that in a mono relationship either! I am however super glad you've found something similar to what I seek with a measure of success!

 

[NeilMK]

Hi Neil, welcome to the forum!

As others have said, what you're looking for sounds perfectly nice, but will be very hard to find in reality, especially if you insist that it be a closed group where everyone is only involved with each other.

In reality, many experienced poly people will already have other partners when you meet them. Like, you could meet a bi woman who is compatible with you, wants to be your partner, and shares your fantasy of dating the same woman with you. But she might already have another boyfriend of her own, who isn't interested in joining your threesome/foursome. So, she'll date him separately from you. (And maybe that will work fine).

Then maybe you and she will get lucky and find another bi woman who wants to be in loving threesome with the two of you. And maybe this woman will have a girlfriend of her own (who doesn't want to join in), and that's fine too. Then maybe you might complete your fantasy and find a bi guy who miraculously is attracted to all three of you and wants to make your threesome a foursome...but you all never fall in love, you regard him as a good friend and a sex partner, and he has his own life and romantic partners of his own.

And this is just a hypothetical example in which everything goes totally smoothly! My point is that, to find what you're looking for, you might have to be a lot more flexible about what you think you want. Polyamory can get very complicated and relationship networks can involve quite a lot of people. It's not realistic to think that you will find 3 other bi poly people who like group sex, are all attracted to you and each other equally, but have no pre-existing partners and only want to be in one permanent closed foursome.

Hi Meera!

That's a super response. Intelligent, realistic and clear, thank you! When I first made this post I mentioned my knowledge and experience of poly was very little (although I am in a V with a Poly married woman currently).

In my head it would go more like this;

1) Start dating a mono bi girl.
2) She would like a gf also, we play with a few and both find someone we adore who adores us both. She becomes our gf and an equal (rather than us being a couple and her being the 'addition'. We date as a true Triad.
3) Maybe, if it suits us we decide to get a place together. We are incredible friends, get on super well and love spending time with each other. An adventure starts!
4) We invite a guy in for play, to satisfy my bi nature and offer the ladies a different flavour to the mix (and of course an additional pair of hands!)
5) We date the guy for a while, no doubt trying others until we find a great one who adores us all.

I really REALLY do understand what I'm seeking is going to be super hard, hard to find, hard to maintain, hard to think it's possible but I still don't believe that should stop me trying? Right?

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

This doesn't sound different from any monostraight relationship?

yes but there are more chances of conflict as 4 people have to get along. Not just 2.



This only indicates a lack of communication and an unevolved ability to maintain healthy relationships.

You know most poly people I know, and I'd say I know about 100 committed poly people, are rarely or never sexually intimate with one partner in front of another. These are people who have been happily poly for years and might even live with their metamour(s). They might even be in a triad or quad but still never have group sex.


This statement is frankly ridiculous. In a two person relationship do you sleep in separate bedrooms for your own space? Have two offices? Two studios? My opinion is that you're so used to poly and the concept of 'your space, your way' that you've lost the love of working as a team.

Again, most poly people I know choose to have separate bedrooms because of space. My nesting partner and I do sleep together most nights but she has her own space where she has her belongings and spends time alone or with her partners. In the past when we have had a joint partner, we would have 1v1 times alone with that partner in our respective bedrooms as well as group intimacy on other occasions. Space is the ultimate issue here. My metamour also has his own space when he stays here so he can have friends over or be alone when he wants. Of course we have communal areas where we can all hang out but sometimes you want your own space. I know my monogamous friends have taken a leaf out of our book and utilized what space they have to create separate rooms. Even if they aren't sleeping rooms. Believe me, there is still plenty to negotiate just sharing the same address. We aren't escaping any necessity for teamwork whatsoever.



I'm 42 with 4 grown up boys (24, 17, 15, 15 twins) I don't want more children. Any partner I seek be it poly, pan, mono or quad would need to not want more children also.

That's going to make your match list smaller. I'd increase mine by being flexible about making babies with other partners being okay. Especially if I had 4 of my own


I think all it does is implies 'your' inability or desire for something this complex, which is your right and preference.

What you want isn't complex. It's easy. It's harder to have to accept the differing and evolving desires of your partners


Hahahaha! You're a misandrist! The statement that testosterone throwing people off, cocks firing off everywhere spoiling your intimacy is an absolute prejudice. I'm sorry if you've had terrible experiences with men but please don't fire your negativity all over me. I'm an experienced lover and rarely have bad sex, even with a woman who has no clue what she's doing because I'm able to guide us both through an incredible experience.

This didn't cone out how you meant it to sound. It sounds creepy.


Simplicity, yes, I realise you like things simple. I agree, one on one will always be an incredible experience, one I don't want to lose but that doesn't mean group sex is more likely to let you down emotionally if the partners are picked well. Remember there's a huge difference between your experiences and what I'm seeking. I don't want to invite a guy or girl in for a regular bang, I can understand how and why they can be disappointing or emotionally weak.

Have you actually had any group sex? I think those of us who have had quite a bit of it are more realistic about how it really goes down.


I read it, all of it. I am nothing like that, at all. Your assumptions about me are frankly offensive (but I'm not actually offended, I welcome your opinion, I just don't agree). The UH David describes is unevolved emotionally, unintelligent and self centered.

To me, you sound very naive. I wouldn't say involved but I'd assume you haven't had many relationships or sexual partners. I'd hazard a guess that you've had some internet sex of some description

So while I appreciate the time you took to reply, I'd much prefer you to help me with supportive, unbiased advice rather than trying to fit my peg into your hole, excuse the euphemism!

You're far better at this quote thing than me. Please read my coloured text between yours.

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

I'm not opposed to an open polycule, in fact a quad in my mind is likely to start that way anyway rather than moving 3 people in on day one and expecting it to work, but I wouldn't do that in a mono relationship either! I am however super glad you've found something similar to what I seek with a measure of success!

Your initial post stated that you want a closed quad. You even compared it to monogamy.

 

[NeilMK]

Your initial post stated that you want a closed quad. You even compared it to monogamy.

In order to find a closed quad you have to start somewhere. Finding like minded people to begin with makes sense. It's no different to being in an open relationship and then deciding you'd like to settle down with 'one' of your partners.

 

[NeilMK]

You're far better at this quote thing than me. Please read my coloured text between yours.

Ooof, I really don't want conflict here but...


This doesn't sound different from any monostraight relationship?
yes but there are more chances of conflict as 4 people have to get along. Not just 2.

Fine it's harder to find. I get it. Move on.


This only indicates a lack of communication and an unevolved ability to maintain healthy relationships.
You know most poly people I know, and I'd say I know about 100 committed poly people, are rarely or never sexually intimate with one partner in front of another. These are people who have been happily poly for years and might even live with their metamour(s). They might even be in a triad or quad but still never have group sex.

I'm not poly. What your friends have has nothing to do with my objective.


This statement is frankly ridiculous. In a two person relationship do you sleep in separate bedrooms for your own space? Have two offices? Two studios? My opinion is that you're so used to poly and the concept of 'your space, your way' that you've lost the love of working as a team.
Again, most poly people I know choose to have separate bedrooms because of space. My nesting partner and I do sleep together most nights but she has her own space where she has her belongings and spends time alone or with her partners. In the past when we have had a joint partner, we would have 1v1 times alone with that partner in our respective bedrooms as well as group intimacy on other occasions. Space is the ultimate issue here.

I'm not poly nor seeking poly. I don't want my quad to have seperate rooms any more than I would a monosolo relationship. Once again you're forcing your own preferences into my world.


I'm 42 with 4 grown up boys (24, 17, 15, 15 twins) I don't want more children. Any partner I seek be it poly, pan, mono or quad would need to not want more children also.
That's going to make your match list smaller. I'd increase mine by being flexible about making babies with other partners being okay. Especially if I had 4 of my own

Are you effing serious? Change a huge part of my identity and desired future to increase my potential dating pool? I'll just find partners that don't want kids thanks??????


Hahahaha! You're a misandrist! The statement that testosterone throwing people off, cocks firing off everywhere spoiling your intimacy is an absolute prejudice. I'm sorry if you've had terrible experiences with men but please don't fire your negativity all over me. I'm an experienced lover and rarely have bad sex, even with a woman who has no clue what she's doing because I'm able to guide us both through an incredible experience.
This didn't cone out how you meant it to sound. It sounds creepy.

Nice deflection.

Simplicity, yes, I realise you like things simple. I agree, one on one will always be an incredible experience, one I don't want to lose but that doesn't mean group sex is more likely to let you down emotionally if the partners are picked well. Remember there's a huge difference between your experiences and what I'm seeking. I don't want to invite a guy or girl in for a regular bang, I can understand how and why they can be disappointing or emotionally weak.
Have you actually had any group sex? I think those of us who have had quite a bit of it are more realistic about how it really goes down.

You've had 'group sex', I don't want group sex, I want a shared romantic relationship. Don't confuse the two.


I read it, all of it. I am nothing like that, at all. Your assumptions about me are frankly offensive (but I'm not actually offended, I welcome your opinion, I just don't agree). The UH David describes is unevolved emotionally, unintelligent and self centered.
To me, you sound very naive. I wouldn't say involved but I'd assume you haven't had many relationships or sexual partners. I'd hazard a guess that you've had some internet sex of some description

I can only assume you're attempting to create a flame? Not cool. You didn't address what we were actually talking about and just took a snipe. You're basic and a troll, literally and metaphorically.

I'm also confused as to who responded to me? The op was from Magdlyn (or something), is this your second account?

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

What you're seeking is polyamory. Polyamory means intimate relationships with more than one person with everyone's knowledge. It doesn't matter if it is closed or open. You came here seeking a poly relationship in the configuration of a closed quad.

I think you're misunderstanding in that I've had a romantic relationship with a group of people who were all involved with each other too. I know several other groups like that. Even closed groups. These closed groups of people don't have much sex together at all. They do not all share a room. They dont spend the majority of their time as a group. Most interactions are 1 on 1.

I think you need to go away and learn what the terms are for what you want.

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

In order to find a closed quad you have to start somewhere. Finding like minded people to begin with makes sense. It's no different to being in an open relationship and then deciding you'd like to settle down with 'one' of your partners.

Yes but you want to settle with 3 other people who all want to settle with each other. That's 16 separate decisions, I think, I'm terrible at maths. But has to be something like 16 yeses from 4 people.

 

[NeilMK]

What you're seeking is polyamory. Polyamory means intimate relationships with more than one person with everyone's knowledge. It doesn't matter if it is closed or open. You came here seeking a poly relationship in the configuration of a closed quad.

I think you're misunderstanding in that I've had a romantic relationship with a group of people who were all involved with each other too. I know several other groups like that. Even closed groups. These closed groups of people don't have much sex together at all. They do not all share a room. They dont spend the majority of their time as a group. Most interactions are 1 on 1.

I think you need to go away and learn what the terms are for what you want.

I think you and the LGBTQQIP2SAA community is obssessed with terms and boxes personally. To 'force' explorers to fit into boxes is very shortsighted, irresponsible, unhealthy and betrays everything about multi-faceted sexuality.

Once again, your own experience of poly has nothing to do with my own agenda.

 

[Dagferi]

If you know everything Neil and are not poly, why are you here asking advice on a message board for people who are practicing, interested in, or faced with poly?

You have gotten advice from people who have been practicing poly in many different forms for a long long time. Many have had multiple relationships lasting years and a decade or more. They gave sound advice. I would give my advice but apparently my experience maintaining two marriages including property, retirement, households, pets, elder care, health issues, intimacy all multiplied by 2 for 8 years doesn't mean squat.

But to answer your question what you want is plausible but not feasible.