So, my husband and I are looking for advice. We have been together almost 18 years, and married for over 10. We have a solid marriage, and are definitely life partners. Over the last 7- 8 years, my sex drive has not been great for a few reasons. About a year before we got married, we had a few threesomes which we both very much enjoyed. That was when I realized that I was very turned on watching my husband with another woman. Our relationship at that time grew even stronger emotionally and sexually. After we got married, the other parties just didn't feel right about it anymore, which we respected and have remained in touch some. Since then it's just been us. I suggested about a year ago that since we aren't as active as we once were, that I would be more than ok with him seeking pleasure with other women from time to time, as I said, would be a big turn on for me. He, unfortunately, doesn't share my fetishes with me being with other men at this time. He says he just can't stand the idea of that. I'm ok with that right now, but will definitely revisit depending in how things go. Sorry for the long post, but just wanted to give a description that would hopefully help with the advice. So, even though we've had our experiences in the past, we already knew them, and we didn't have to search or look for anything. It was just there. We live in a smallish community and options are very limited. We are also private about our situation. We need help on where to start. Any other advice and suggestions are welcome!
New couple needing advice
- Thread starter Brele789
- Start date
Please don't expect this to ever change.
Secondly, if you want to meet people discreetly as a kinky experience where you get to watch and he gets to do, perhaps go make a Fetlife profile and meet and get to know people who are active in your local community. You're looking for in person experiences and this board doesn't have the events pages that Fetlife does. If you're worried about being private about things, please realise you can't have it both ways. You're either going to have to have a private fantasy, or you're going to have to make an effort to physically meet like minded people. Both the fetish and swinger communities do have some risk, but in general, everyone respects that there are privacy concerns in general. You can use fake names in person, too - the first fetish group coffee meeting I went to, everyone introduced themselves by their usernames.
Hello Brele789,
I actually suggest that you start by googling the name of your state with "polyamory," and/or the name of your nearest major city with "polyamory." Sometimes the names of polyamorous groups will come up, and you can get to know poly people as friends that way. Although, right now, with Covid, I don't know if the poly groups are currently meeting up. You'll have to look into that. Other resources for finding people to date:
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
I hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I actually suggest that you start by googling the name of your state with "polyamory," and/or the name of your nearest major city with "polyamory." Sometimes the names of polyamorous groups will come up, and you can get to know poly people as friends that way. Although, right now, with Covid, I don't know if the poly groups are currently meeting up. You'll have to look into that. Other resources for finding people to date:
- https://fetlife.com/
- https://bare.dating/
- https://en.lovoo.com/#/
- https://www.okcupid.com/
- https://www.kasidie.com/
- http://www.facebook.com/
- http://www.beyondtwo.com/
- https://www.lavalife.com/
- https://www.openminded.com/
- http://adultfriendfinder.com/
- http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
- http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
- https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory/
- http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
- http://openingup.net/resources/local-orginizations-u-s/
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
I hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Oh, I get that! I live in a 5000 population town and tend to be mostly closeted around here, but the small city about 40 minutes away was where I first met people in both the poly and kinky communities. Found them on Fetlife, hence the suggestion.