Done

Was the text sent to you or to your husband / Martin's friend? One of the hardest things I learned in an early relationship is that it's much better to *not* let your spouse read texts with your partner or vice versa... lack of complete context will ALWAYS make the situation worse.
 
I am thinking you will not be able to play monkey in the middle on this one. If the friendship is to co-exist your husband and Martin will need to develop some sort of constructive dialogue about this with each other.
 
icesong said:
Was the text sent to you or to your husband / Martin's friend? One of the hardest things I learned in an early relationship is that it's much better to *not* let your spouse read texts with your partner or vice versa... lack of complete context will ALWAYS make the situation worse.
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It was a text sent to my husband and it was a bit inconsiderate towards his feelings.
 
it would be the first time someone thought they could handle something and found out they were wrong. Are we ( we being you and Martin ) way too far down the road to just pack it in on account of being on or too near to the messy persons list ?

DID Martin apologize for the text ? maybe there should be a new policy on Martin sending text hubby’s way ….like DONT …especially if he thinks there cute, funny, or some good natured ribbing. All that shit should probably be off the table for the immediate future.
 
dingedheart said:
it would be the first time someone thought they could handle something and found out they were wrong. Are we ( we being you and Martin ) way too far down the road to just pack it in on account of being on or too near to the messy persons list ?

DID Martin apologize for the text ? maybe there should be a new policy on Martin sending text hubby’s way ….like DONT …especially if he thinks there cute, funny, or some good natured ribbing. All that shit should probably be off the table for the immediate future.
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He is very sorry and apologized a lot and he is very open to policies about his communication with my husband.

Right now we're evaluating whether the messy person list is the right spot. We have strong feelings for one another but we both value my husband's feelings and are concerned.
 
Hello ThinkingHedgehog,

The gist of your situation seems to be that in theory, your husband is 100% in support of the idea of polyamory, and is willing to support you in your relationship with Martin ... but in practice, your husband is having terrible, terrible struggles with his feelings about the situation. In time, it's possible that things will get easier for him, and I am not ready to tell you to break up with Martin. However, you and Martin must both be super aware of your husband's struggles, you must lighten the load that your husband is carrying in any way possible. This may include limiting what you tell your husband about your relationship with Martin, and it may include limiting Martin's texts to your husband. You may have to try some things, and see what helps your husband, and what does not. It is good that you are seeing a poly-friendly therapist, they will be able to give you some ideas of how to handle this situation.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
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