In love with sisters

G

GrampaMike

New member
I had a severe medical condition a few years ago, and moved in with my long-term girlfriend to recover. She was living with her 2 brothers, her sister, and their niece, who's mother passed suddenly a couple years before that. She is s Special Needs person, mostly functional, but cannot manage her own affairs, so her aunts and uncles took over helping her.


Note, we are all older. I am now 60, girlfriend is 69, sister is 66, niece is 50.
Just before Covid, early Jan of 2020, the oldest brother died of pancreatic cancer, he was 72.

Then Covid took her other brother.

I was still pretty laid up (severe bone infection in my neck, there is an 8 inch metal bar where half the bones were) and my medications made uninterested in sex. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping and my gf wasnt sleeping well, so she moved into one of the empty bedrooms.

In 2021 as we all got vaccinated and such, I also started to feel better. I had a brief affair with the sister after she broke up with her bf. She was devastated, and my gf was away camping with her daughters, with their niece as well, leaving the sister and I alone in the house. After a couple weeks, I broke it off, I felt guilty and so did she, but it was too late.

I had more physical problems in early 2022, but by summer I had totally resolved them, was off pain killers mostly, and my sex drive came back with a storm. Sadly. my gf was no so interested, and started camping with her daughters almost every single weekend. The relationship with the sister was rekindled, and we had a torrid affair. As the summer came to a close and camping became less frequent, she started sneaking into my room after my GF fell asleep (their bedrooms were next to each other, mine is on the other side of the house). The sister is insatiable, even at 65, and the sex was amazing. It should be noted that my gf has vaginal wall thinning that makes intercourse with me impossible since 2016. Didnt matter to me, I love her.

After a month or so of sneaking in, we finally got caught a year ago. We stopped, and she took up with a married man she had an affair with years previous before I lived there.

A month later we started again. There are feelings. We have been on and off since, we fight because I cant stand the married guy she still sees.

We all still live in the same house. My gf moved back into my room, of course, but I get up 3 hours before her and sneak in to see the sister once in a while.

Im in love with both these women, but they DESPISE each other. So its . . . very very tense here.

I know the advice. I need to stop. I love my GF more than anything, and will never ever leave her. I dont actually WANT the sister full time. She is a pain in the ass, lol. The problem is none of us is in a position to leave, financially. Disability and Social Security are our only sources of income and we make it work by living together, sharing bills.

I should also add that when my GF and I didnt live together, I was not faithful, and she knew it, but let it go because she cant have intercourse. I left her twice over 18 years for other women, but always went back to her. I love her.

I want them both. They are are the Sun (sister, redhead) and the Moon (gf, silver hair), the Yin and the Yang, they are 2 sides of the same coin. The sex with them is so different that I crave them BOTH. It should also be noted that I am fairly insatiable myself, I love sex, I love these women. I do NOT want them both at once, yuk, I just want to bang the sister now and then.


I want harsh criticism but temper it with solid advice, please.
 
Grandpa, it sounds like you don't love your wife's sister. In fact you find her to be a PITA and are only forced to live with her for financial reasons.

So far this doesn't sound like polyamory, despite your title. You love your wife, but you enjoy sex with the other person.

Your gf is aware that you and her sister have sex. She's "turned a blind eye" to all your affairs, and keeps taking you back, and is accepting that you fuck her sister. What do you want to do? Do you want to have a talk with your gf about the open secret that you're fucking her sister? I can't tell.
 
Hello GrampaMike,

You seem to have an uneasy/unspoken agreement with your girlfriend that you can have affairs and she won't stop you because she can't do intercourse. Perhaps she feels she is not doing her wifely duty, unless she allows you to get sex somewhere.

It seems to me that your relationship with your girlfriend's sister is the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. You carry on an affair with the sister until you feel guilty and/or get caught, then attempt to be a "good little monogamist" for a while, then resume the affair. Or is it an affair? Your girlfriend seems to know about it and doesn't object to it. Does she know? Does she object? It sounds like the three of you have a deficit in the communication area. I feel like you and your girlfriend should sit down and have a heart-to-heart about the elephant in the room. A talk with the sister is needed as well.

It's too bad that your girlfriend and her sister despise each other. As you said, Disability and Social Security are your only sources of income and therefore no one can afford to move out. You could break up with the sister, sure, but the two women would still have to live around each other.

I think you should do whatever communicating is necessary so that your relationship with the sister is no longer an affair or even a "light affair." So that you don't have to feel guilty over it, and so that you don't have to "get caught."

Of course I could be wrong ...
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
Breaking up with my GF would be devastating to her. She may break down, badly.

The sister and I are on "fuck buddy" terms now. No affair, no chat, we bang if the opportunity arises but nothing else other the occasional morning.

I do love them both. Yes the sister is a PITA, but I cant blame her.

The best solution is she moves out, though, not me, for the reasons mentioned.

And no, my GF does NOT know we still hook up. No one does except my counselor, lol.

Thank you.
 
You are having an affair. Stop trying to excuse it with your sex drive and your gf's health issues. You know this hurts your gf yet you continue. This is not any kind of ethical nonmonogamy. You claim to love these women yet behave in ways that show little to no care for them (talking poorly of affair partner, cheating on gf repeatedly).

If you want the situation to improve? Improve yourself. Actually be honest. Actually act ethically, whether that means working towards peaceful dissolution of your relationship with gf or ending your pattern of affairs. It sounds like your gf wouldn't be opposed to you being with someone else, at least physically. You could do the work to build trust and respect so you all can be happy and have needs met.
 
My gf has said I can have sex with other women, just not her sister.

The only other woman I want is her sister.

My gf turns 70 early next year. I am 10 years younger.
 
This is not polyamory. This is not even ethical nonmonogamy. Your girlfriend having a boundary of you not banging her sister is entirely reasonable.
 
Bluebird said:
This is not polyamory. This is not even ethical nonmonogamy. Your girlfriend having a boundary of you not banging her sister is entirely reasonable.
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it is to the sister.

it is reasonable, but I fell hard for her during our affair and having her in such close proximity all the time makes it impossible to remember to forget about her.
 
GrampaMike said:
it is to the sister.

it is reasonable, but I fell hard for her during our affair and having her in such close proximity all the time makes it impossible to remember to forget about her.
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Cheating is unethical. Polyamory is always ethical by definition.

As an adult, there is no excuse for not being able to control sexual urges, no matter what the situation.
 
Grampa clearly has no desire to actually act ethically or kindly towards his girlfriend. Why join a forum about polyamory if you're only interested in cheating?
 
Albert Ross said:
A lack of research before outsourcing your superego to strangers on the intern—oh, sorry, it was a rhetorical question. 😏
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I see an awful lot of ego in here, too. But I don’t see any willingness to solve the conflicts inherent in the situation.

What could anyone advise? Is OP looking for absolution or validation or something? He “knows the advice” we’re going to give.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Because I think, eventually, my gf will concede that the best option here is the sister.

I could never be "with" the sister full time. We have a lot of issues, but we fuck well.

And maybe in a few years my GF will begin to see that.

Sorry to have bothered you, I guess I thought being in love, in my own way, with 2 women fit here. I was mistaken.
 
Oh, one final detail.

I met my current GF 18 years ago . . . on AFF. We were both swingers.

2nd time we were with another couple she got so jealous we had to leave. I allowed her to bring other men into our bed for YEARS, but she would get insane anytime another woman was involved.

She didnt want to swing anymore. I didnt stop. She always knew. So no lectures, ok?
 
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