Relationship anarchy

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polynewb

Member
It's been a journey for me with polyamory. I am partnered up with a relationship anarchist. It's been a challenge. One of my other partners is poly, which is going well.

Any words of wisdom regarding RA?
 
Hi Tania,

Well, the term "relationship anarchy" is suggestive of a greater level of freedom than what you get with polyamory. There isn't going to be the level of commitment that the word "poly" suggests. And maybe this relationship anarchist you're partnered with won't have as much time to spend on you as you would like. I don't know, I think RA has a wider range of options. Like there are no partners, no boyfriends, no girlfriends. Everyone in an RA's life is simply "a friend." It's good that you also have a poly partner, they may be more committed to you.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
RA doesn't mean no or less commitment, but the commitment may take a different form than typical romantic relationships. They can be committed to maintaining a loving relationship with you, even if they don't use traditional relationship labels or don't want to ride the relationship escalator (just my guess from the limited info in your post).

With RA, it helps to adopt a more flexible view on love and relationships, and realize that each relationship is unique. You can enjoy a relationship for what it is, even if it doesn't fulfill your every need.
 
Ewan is indeed unique.. And l understand that RA is creating individualised relationships, bit trickier than poly. As l am aware my needs & desires are being met without the confines of labels, note he also leans right into Buddhism, in itself carries similiar philosophy.. Expressing & requesting is my way of creating boundaries..
Hey Kevin, funny but RA guy has been giving more time than the Polyguy..but its about energy & time.
Thanks for sharing & listening.
 
Happy to help. Yes it comes down to energy and time. Love is an abundant resource, but time and energy are scarce.
 
polynewb said:
Hi. Is there any good resources for relationship anarchy? .. Its like building a new world..
Click to expand...
I'm afraid the term could mean very different things to each person :(
 
I think RA has set of guidelines, but it's about building individualized relationships with each person you connect with..
Thanks for the resource.
 
Well, the other thing about relationship anarchy to remember is that it’s _not_ “polyamory‘s next stage” as some people treat it. The philosophy springs specifically from _anarchist_ thought - so a lot of it is about eliminating power structures from relationships. It’s a very different viewpoint and approach in a lot of ways.
 
I know each relationship is unique. You get to decide what you want, desire & need. I know that poly & RA are not the same. My current person refuses to discuss, so l am having that chat, as l am aware l have wishes, desires & needs.

I have had mentor say, just imagine what an ideal RA relationship looks like. Start from there. I want to look at the relationship smorgasbord as a reference, but he is dismissive. Wish me luck. After all, if he does not want to build, there are other men who will talk & discuss.
 
I've noticed recently on dating sites more men are saying they are ENM. How does one determine if some people are not being genuine, but using the label ENM to just hook up?
 
polynewb said:
I've noticed recently on dating sites more men are saying they are ENM. How does one determine if some people are not being genuine, but using the label ENM to just hook up?
Click to expand...


From experience, I found you determine this by:
1) the context of the rest of their profile.
2) chatting online with them and seeing what they actually want.
3) basically politely giving them the third degree on a first date, should it get to that point.
4) finding out after the first, second or third date, that they just wanted a few fucks; not a relationship at all; just wanted to use you like a prostitute, maybe buying you a couple drinks or dinner to get to have sex.

Usually you can find out from 1 and 2, but some men are good liars and very charming, and it takes actually meeting them once or three times to get the picture.
 
Thank you. I have already unmatched from guys who are not prepared for in-depth chat about my lifestyle choices. Grateful l am involved with two men who have been doing the right thing to keep things growing.
 
Its amusing. As most of them cannot carry any dialogue regarding this dynamic of multiple relationships. So they stop chatting. Its just energy draining interviewing them. I find some monogamous men still want to talk, it makes an interesting date even though they see l am non monogamy.. Hahaha.. They just want a bonk.. But dinner & coffee wont score a screw.. Thanks everyone for your great input...
I am currently reaching my bandwidth with two men.. But the once off hookups are fun too..
 
Sounds like you have quite a variety of things going on in your life, you are mostly saturated with two men, and all that entails.
 
I have few things to consider.. I love both men. With additional dates its like a three course meal... With treats in between.. As my psyche said"girls gotta eat" but its sometimes too much of a smorgsboard..
Enjoy.. Dont be a glutton..😋
 
As l agreed to disclose to my partners if l go on a new date. Do l need to update them if there is further developments with these new dates? & l have had sex with them?... Suggests l ask that question to the both of them.. I love this forum.. Great sounding board
 
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