Slugzilla
New member
I was encouraged to write this by a fellow member who felt I might have a proper perspective on the topic. I’m me—so ima do it my way and share a piece of my heart with you all because I think it has value. Perhaps this wasn’t what they were expecting—but if you bear with me, I believe it has deep relevance to this community as people like me often gravitate towards poly lifestyle but I find a lot of the community simply just doesn’t quite get why, or maybe have misperceptions on it.
First of—let’s properly define pansexuality so we can understand why many pansexuals struggle to maintain relationships or are often misunderstood.
Pansexuals do not have any particular preference on gender. Think of it like a stir fry pan: every vegetable goes in the pan and it’s all seasoned up and tastes like stir-fry. (This is my own personal analogy to remember and also visualize how many of us see attraction.)
As a pansexual, the body is not the point. One of the biggest misconceptions here is that we are bisexual, or perhaps that we love every body type. While this can be the case for some—it’s not what defines being pan’. Some pansexuals might find they have a taste in body type and gender—but let’s be clear here, I’ve met a LOT of pans and I’ve actually never met one where these tastes prevent them from being able to find attraction and love towards someone they like on the inside.
It’s the soul. It’s ALL about the soul and personality. Even as a pan, I thought for a while I liked “‘this’ and ‘that’ but definitely not ‘that’ or ‘this’” and then boom—
I met the most beautiful island boy who broke every rule in my playbook
I realized holy cow… I don’t care. I continued my nomadic journeys and sure as I thought—I simply couldn’t not love a good person. It’s as if I’m incapable of having tastes…
I’ve lied next to my closest friend even just last night, because I had no where else to go after the slow drip of poison from being misunderstood and having to leave my wife. I cried, because no matter what I told myself—I can’t not love this person, even if he must be my friend. How could I not deeply fall in love with someone who for the past 3 days has allowed his other half of the bed and all his life to me for my safety and well being? I cried because I couldn’t simply say “not my type” because he’s too good for this. He is a very straight man, but has never judged me.
The behaviors of toxic individuals will literally make me nauseous. I’m very empathetic in many ways and peoples feelings can get into me. Every pan’ I’ve know is like this—because our love to personalities, over time, make us hyper sensitive to behavior patterns and tendencies. It’s as if a person removes their shirt and underneath is a BO scent that burns your nose and makes you want to vomit. That’s unpleasant on an attractive level. Even with my wife, she was amongst the best people I know, but she did not share my views. My views became a chore for her to care about, and we could simply go no further.
Because of this, in my personal experience I have become a “Comet” (or a poly who is not tethered to restriction and comes and goes as they please. New term for me I’ve discovered
look at me learning in the community) I can’t handle long term obligations. I can’t. I have gotten so bad, being tied down to expectations I literally can’t fulfill that I stoop into malnutrition and self loathing that seems to have no bottom—and then I’ve snapped and ran and broken hearts. In the past being a Comet has worked, so I don’t really know why I felt the need to abandon this method of loving—but I guess very very deep attachments make you do wild things.
I’ve been ridiculed constantly befefore because I can’t be tied down, so now I’ve simply adopted a “nomad” title to every new person I meet because I don’t need them thinking I’m sticking around because they tell me I should. They know the moment they’ve met me that I’ll be gone and back and gone and back as I please. It’s not anything against them, it’s my own survival and well being that has made me this way.
Why has this all worked like this? Well for me—because I’m pan’.
I love to love and I Just. Can’t. Stop. I’ve never cheated or ran off in a way that left someone worried or confused. I always made sure to wrap up obligations and be honest in my relationships, but when someone has no love in them to share… I can see it, and I can’t handle it. Even if they have love for me, passive aggressiveness makes me feel like I’m being beaten. Them not caring to listen to my interests even though they’re the one that asked about them destroys me inside. Small talk makes me furiously angry because I DONT CARE about that, I wanna know about the ins and outs of the persons soul, not hear about the fact they looked into the sky at the weather like everyone else.
Let me be clear, I don’t find ANYTHING wrong with people who value these things that I don’t, but remember—if you meet a pan’ you would be good to understand where their emotional needs lie. I’ve had individuals who love all genders and bodies assume that I feel the same way and then ridicule me for not “putting out,” when I claim I’ve never been put off by any body, because they think we are the same or that I’m some sort of village bicycle to ride. That’s a major turn away for me. It’s a toxic trait that is akin to uncleanliness.
I’ve lost my father, mother, and all my sibling relationships because they tell me I should stop talking about deep topics (um… ew
) and it seems when I stick around people for long enough, they can’t take any more of me because they expect me to “show my true colors” only to find out I’m the EXACT same person from the start. Why would I hide my soul? It’s like a person hiding their face everywhere they go and expecting people to tell them they’re beautiful…. Who’s to say? 
Look, I’m know scientists in this subject—but I can promise you in my life these major struggles I’ve dealt with in the social world—and especially in poly circles have happened from a misunderstanding of where my love comes from. And I find it odd that every poly I’ve met, even that beautiful island boy who stole my heart, share similar state of minds after long enough.
If you’ve reached the end of my anecdote of experience that has lead me to my nomadic life and my Comet Poly experience I’d love to hear from you ALL. I can answer questions—and to all you other pan’s out there—I’d love to hear your story especially.
I’ve only used labels in a very light sense, and I’d like to keep the discussion that way. It’s for helping people understand what I refer to—but we’re not boxing up here or confusing people. This is a general discussion to understand eachothers souls—not each others labels put on to us by life as a whole.
I look forward to hearing from you, street samurais and palace princesses!
Your nomadic punk
SlugZilla
First of—let’s properly define pansexuality so we can understand why many pansexuals struggle to maintain relationships or are often misunderstood.
Pansexuals do not have any particular preference on gender. Think of it like a stir fry pan: every vegetable goes in the pan and it’s all seasoned up and tastes like stir-fry. (This is my own personal analogy to remember and also visualize how many of us see attraction.)
As a pansexual, the body is not the point. One of the biggest misconceptions here is that we are bisexual, or perhaps that we love every body type. While this can be the case for some—it’s not what defines being pan’. Some pansexuals might find they have a taste in body type and gender—but let’s be clear here, I’ve met a LOT of pans and I’ve actually never met one where these tastes prevent them from being able to find attraction and love towards someone they like on the inside.
It’s the soul. It’s ALL about the soul and personality. Even as a pan, I thought for a while I liked “‘this’ and ‘that’ but definitely not ‘that’ or ‘this’” and then boom—
I met the most beautiful island boy who broke every rule in my playbook I realized holy cow… I don’t care. I continued my nomadic journeys and sure as I thought—I simply couldn’t not love a good person. It’s as if I’m incapable of having tastes…
I’ve lied next to my closest friend even just last night, because I had no where else to go after the slow drip of poison from being misunderstood and having to leave my wife. I cried, because no matter what I told myself—I can’t not love this person, even if he must be my friend. How could I not deeply fall in love with someone who for the past 3 days has allowed his other half of the bed and all his life to me for my safety and well being? I cried because I couldn’t simply say “not my type” because he’s too good for this. He is a very straight man, but has never judged me.
The behaviors of toxic individuals will literally make me nauseous. I’m very empathetic in many ways and peoples feelings can get into me. Every pan’ I’ve know is like this—because our love to personalities, over time, make us hyper sensitive to behavior patterns and tendencies. It’s as if a person removes their shirt and underneath is a BO scent that burns your nose and makes you want to vomit. That’s unpleasant on an attractive level. Even with my wife, she was amongst the best people I know, but she did not share my views. My views became a chore for her to care about, and we could simply go no further.
Because of this, in my personal experience I have become a “Comet” (or a poly who is not tethered to restriction and comes and goes as they please. New term for me I’ve discovered
look at me learning in the community) I can’t handle long term obligations. I can’t. I have gotten so bad, being tied down to expectations I literally can’t fulfill that I stoop into malnutrition and self loathing that seems to have no bottom—and then I’ve snapped and ran and broken hearts. In the past being a Comet has worked, so I don’t really know why I felt the need to abandon this method of loving—but I guess very very deep attachments make you do wild things.I’ve been ridiculed constantly befefore because I can’t be tied down, so now I’ve simply adopted a “nomad” title to every new person I meet because I don’t need them thinking I’m sticking around because they tell me I should. They know the moment they’ve met me that I’ll be gone and back and gone and back as I please. It’s not anything against them, it’s my own survival and well being that has made me this way.
Why has this all worked like this? Well for me—because I’m pan’.
I love to love and I Just. Can’t. Stop. I’ve never cheated or ran off in a way that left someone worried or confused. I always made sure to wrap up obligations and be honest in my relationships, but when someone has no love in them to share… I can see it, and I can’t handle it. Even if they have love for me, passive aggressiveness makes me feel like I’m being beaten. Them not caring to listen to my interests even though they’re the one that asked about them destroys me inside. Small talk makes me furiously angry because I DONT CARE about that, I wanna know about the ins and outs of the persons soul, not hear about the fact they looked into the sky at the weather like everyone else.
Let me be clear, I don’t find ANYTHING wrong with people who value these things that I don’t, but remember—if you meet a pan’ you would be good to understand where their emotional needs lie. I’ve had individuals who love all genders and bodies assume that I feel the same way and then ridicule me for not “putting out,” when I claim I’ve never been put off by any body, because they think we are the same or that I’m some sort of village bicycle to ride. That’s a major turn away for me. It’s a toxic trait that is akin to uncleanliness.
I’ve lost my father, mother, and all my sibling relationships because they tell me I should stop talking about deep topics (um… ew
) and it seems when I stick around people for long enough, they can’t take any more of me because they expect me to “show my true colors” only to find out I’m the EXACT same person from the start. Why would I hide my soul? It’s like a person hiding their face everywhere they go and expecting people to tell them they’re beautiful…. Who’s to say? Look, I’m know scientists in this subject—but I can promise you in my life these major struggles I’ve dealt with in the social world—and especially in poly circles have happened from a misunderstanding of where my love comes from. And I find it odd that every poly I’ve met, even that beautiful island boy who stole my heart, share similar state of minds after long enough.
If you’ve reached the end of my anecdote of experience that has lead me to my nomadic life and my Comet Poly experience I’d love to hear from you ALL. I can answer questions—and to all you other pan’s out there—I’d love to hear your story especially.I’ve only used labels in a very light sense, and I’d like to keep the discussion that way. It’s for helping people understand what I refer to—but we’re not boxing up here or confusing people. This is a general discussion to understand eachothers souls—not each others labels put on to us by life as a whole.
I look forward to hearing from you, street samurais and palace princesses!Your nomadic punk
SlugZilla
so that term makes a lot of sense to me.